


Would You Leave Me If I Told You What I've Done, and Would You Leave Me If I Told You What I've Become?

by soulofair



Series: Just Keep Following The Heartlines On Your Hand (Or Was It Head?) [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Always-A-Girl Arthur, Established Relationship, F/M, Fem!arthur, Genderswap, Girl!Arthur, Reincarnation fic, post s5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-08
Updated: 2014-08-22
Packaged: 2017-12-07 21:10:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 44,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/753108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulofair/pseuds/soulofair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Following the events of "I'm Gonna Lose My Mind (History Keeps Pulling Me Down)", Merlin and Arthur try out the whole "domesticity" thing.  But because it's Merlin, and he's still not entirely sure of what to make of the whole Arthur-Is-A-Woman thing, things are bound to be interesting.  Physical intimacy in later chapters.  </p><p>Here be spoilers for S5, so if you've somehow managed to escape talk of S5, perhaps avoid reading this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't read "I'm Gonna Lose My Mind (History Keeps Pulling Me Down)", I recommend you do so, because this essentially starts out right where that ended. Of course, you could be a rebel and not read the first part, but I do recommend that you read the first part since there is quite a bit that I assume you will have some knowledge of as you go into this next part.
> 
> Title from "No Light, No Light" by Florence + The Machine 
> 
> I do not own Merlin, claim any rights to the characters or the series. I'm just playing around. 
> 
> Otherwise, enjoy!

Britain was still trying to get back onto her feet in the days after Arthur returned to Glastonbury. As Merlin read up on what was going on in London, he wasn’t at all surprised that Arthur had taken off when she did. Their new king was in for one hell of a journey. 

Apparently, Morgana and Mordred had had more of an influence on the government than people knew. Morgana had been dealing with the inner workings of Parliament for three years before even coming into the limelight because she was now a politician, and Mordred had been meddling in things even longer than that. Documentation of their actions had been well concealed through the use of magic, but now that no one was around to sustain the magical mask, it was all coming to light. 

It would take years before things would be properly sorted and settled in Parliament. In fact, based on how things were going, it was looking more and more likely that the monarchy would eventually be abolished, simply because it would solve many of the problems that Morgana and Mordred had caused. Of course, this would not sit well with many people who believed that the monarchy benefitted the country, especially fiscally with the tourism revenue that came in due to the royals, but in the long run, if the costs outweighed the benefits, it would have to go. 

Arthur, being Arthur, had taken it upon herself to pore over the many laws that defined the monarchy and Parliament, and had come across at least a dozen ways her ascension to the throne had violated British law. And of course, because she was Arthur, Merlin had heard all about it, at least four times within a three-day period. 

“Legally, it is an impossibility!” she exclaimed as they restocked drawers in the apothecary. “My family isn’t even that British!”

Merlin rolled his eyes and stuffed some baggies full of dried flowers into one of the drawers. “Arthur, didn’t you say that it was magic at work?”

“Well, yes. I did. But I thought that there might have been at least one or two people who were concerned with the legality of it all. I mean, Harry was the absolute choice, and here I am, some bumbling nobody, and suddenly, I’m the queen of this place. None of this makes sense.”

“Morgana and Mordred had more influence than anyone wants to admit. You and I both know that. So, why are you surprised?”

Arthur stopped and pushed an errant chunk of hair off of her forehead. “I suppose I’m just appalled at how things have transpired. That’s all.”

“Well, yes; it was rather atrocious.”

“I cannot believe they actually thought I’d be good at leading a country. I mean, it wouldn’t have been nearly as bad as when I make bacon because I wouldn’t have had to make bacon, but still.”

Merlin snorted and stepped up onto the third rung of the ladder that went floor to ceiling along the wall of drawers. He slid one of the dark blue drawers back into its respective spot and stepped down. “Do you reckon they’ll ever figure it out?”

“I think so. I think they’re starting to get it, but it could take a while.”

He hummed a little tune while he busied himself with another drawer. “Well, at least they didn’t have to marry you off to someone,” he remarked.

Arthur scoffed. “Ha. That would have been the only way they could have made this even remotely legal.”

“How do you mean?”

“If they had married me off to Harry? They could have probably gotten away with it to some degree, but you still have to look at how many laws would have been broken there too.”

“Arthur, it wasn’t ever meant to really be legal, okay!” Merlin exclaimed. “Magic, for all intents and purposes, is illegal. Not that anyone really gives a damn, because magic hasn’t really been an issue for about a thousand years, but in this case, magic supersedes law. The logistics of magic do not fit into the logistics of law or order.”

Her face fell and she looked as though she were a puppy that he had just kicked. “No need to get tetchy about it,” she murmured. “I just thought that maybe you would know more about this than I would.”

“I know,” he replied softly. “I get that. But this is a moot point now.”

“Not really.”

“Arthur, it doesn’t matter anymore. It’s done; it’s over. It’s resolved.”

“But it really isn’t.”

Unexpectedly, he found himself slamming his hand down on the counter, the noise reverberating through the wooden cabinet. “Arthur. Stop.”

She set her drawer down and folded her arms across her chest. “What? What is wrong with wanting to talk about this? Merlin, it’s not done. We are going to feel the aftermath of Morgana’s actions for a very long time. All of Britain is going to feel that for a very long time. Parliament has had to take actions that are not within their jurisdiction, and quite honestly, that bothers me. Why is my government taking liberties with the monarchy when the two aren’t meant to have a lot of overlap? Parliament appointed me as the reigning monarch, and no one seems to be questioning this. And why wasn’t Harry named as the successor? Why was it me?”

Merlin took in a deep breath and closed his eyes. “I don’t want to talk about this. This is not something I care to deliberate over until my dying day. You have been yammering on and on about this for at least two days now, and I am really tired of talking about it. All I can say is that there was magic involved, just like you suspected when you felt the balance in the universe shift when you pulled Excalibur out of the stone.” 

“You want to ignore this.”

“No. I don’t want to ignore this. I just want to live my life as a normal person who runs a shop.”

“But you aren’t a normal person who runs a shop.”

“I know that,” he growled. 

She groaned and put a drawer back with a bit more force than she was intending to use. “Be careful!” Merlin cried. “These drawers are old.”

“Merlin, I understand that things are still raw, but I’m here now, and come hell and high water, there’s nothing that will take me away. All I ask is that you at least be honest about things with me. I’m trying to be honest about my feelings regarding Parliament, and you’re shutting me down. How do you think that makes me feel?”

“I don’t want to talk about feelings right now.”

“Of course not,” she muttered. 

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“You want everything to be perfect.”

“Damn right I do! Excuse me for wanting a bit of the dramatics out of my life.”

“Then don’t shut me down when I try to talk about these things. You’ll only perpetuate it.”

They did not speak about politics again for about a week. Things between them weren’t terribly tense, but there was a fog hanging between them. Arthur remained as astute as ever, keeping up with the developments coming out of Buckingham Palace and Parliament, while Merlin remained blissfully ignorant to the world outside of Glastonbury. At some point, they would have to acknowledge that no matter what happened in the world or how much they knew of the world, Arthur would always have an affinity for things that happened outside the city limits of Glastonbury while Merlin would always keep himself contained to his beloved home. Arthur had traveled the British Isles far and wide in her many lives and could tell you about each and every place she called home without too much detail, but Merlin could tell you about Glastonbury with such scrutinizing detail that you would have thought he was Glastonbury itself. 

The only reason the discussion on the political state of things came up again was because Gaius arrived. Like Arthur, Gaius was keeping a shrewd interest in the happenings in London and had many things to say about the matter. He and Arthur were in agreement that Parliament had acted carelessly and beyond their scope of practice, but like Merlin, Gaius wasn’t necessarily interested in talking about the legality logistics of the matter. Gaius was more fascinated in how magic played a role in Arthur’s ascension to the throne. 

Apparently, when it came to magic, Merlin was all ears about Arthur’s ascension. He and Gaius spent most of Gaius’ first night with them deliberating over all the different theories each man had. 

And of course, Arthur had a lot to say about that. 

Merlin finally crawled into bed around 4 AM, absolutely exhausted. He misjudged Arthur’s sleeping position in the bed and accidentally elbowed her in the shoulder. She grunted and rolled over. “Ow,” she grumbled.

“Sorry,” he whispered.

“What time is it?”

“About four.”

“Party animal.”

“Gaius and I were talking.”

“About the ascension. I know. Your grave underestimation of how much noise would carry through this house when you built it enabled me to hear most of your conversation. Funny how you shut down any mention of that with me, but with Gaius, oh man… you’ll just go for hours.”

“Don’t start,” he groaned.

“Don’t start what?”

“Don’t start with the guilt tripping.”

“I’m not guilt-tripping you. I’m simply stating a matter of fact; with me, you’re adamant that we shouldn’t talk about it, but with Gaius, you’re like a teenage girl who is talking about her crush’s dreamy eyes and how they’re going to fall in love and live happily ever after.”

“It’s Gaius,” Merlin replied simply. 

“Your point is?”

Merlin pulled the covers back and settled down into the bed. Once the blankets covered him, he let his arms flop down by his sides and braced himself for the oncoming storm. He was convinced that there was an oncoming storm with this discussion. “Gaius has a way of understanding these things.”

“Are you implying that I don’t understand this?” 

“No, Arthur. I’m not implying that. Can we please talk about this later?”

“No.”

He sighed and closed his eyes, trying to will the patience to take over. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“We can talk about this now. But mind you, I am really tired and I really don’t want to have a row right now, so if you are going to just verbally berate me, I’m leaving.”

She was quiet for a moment. “It bugs me that you are willing to talk to Gaius about this but not me. It really bugs me. And I can’t really quantify it other than to say that I guess I’m feeling hurt that you don’t want to talk to me about something that directly impacted me but you are willing to talk to someone else about something that directly impacted me. I realize that Gaius does have a different perspective on these things and there is a certain degree of a mentor/mentee relationship between you two, but I’m here and I’m willing to hear your perspective on things. You were my advisor for a reason.”

“You were focused on the legality of things. Your focus wasn’t on the right thing. I kept telling you, it’s about magic and nothing about magic is legal.”

“Magic isn’t illegal in Britain. It took me a while to look that one up, but when I finally found something…”

“I know it’s not illegal,” he interrupted. “But that wasn’t really my point.”

“Okay. What was your point?”

“My point was that you probably weren’t going to understand the specificities of magic. I know that you’ve become quite a bit more open-minded about things since Camelot, but there are things about magic that I don’t even understand, and of course, they’re usually the most important aspects.”

“And you didn’t think you could explain it.”

“I didn’t think I couldn’t explain it; I knew that I couldn’t explain it.”

“But why are you more inclined to speak to Gaius about this?”  
Merlin realized that Arthur probably still had no idea of Gaius’ connection to magic. She probably still had no clue that Gaius also had magic and had studied extensively. Her estimation that there was still a degree of the mentor/mentee relationship between them had been correct, but she likely had no idea to what extent that relationship went. For all she knew, Merlin learned about herbs and medicine from Gaius as his apprentice. Merlin was not sure if it was his place to ‘out’ Gaius and his magic. 

But, she had come to accept Merlin and his magic, so he was confident that she would accept Gaius and his gifts. “Gaius studied magic.”

“In Camelot?”

“Yeah.”

“Under Uther’s nose?”

“Yup.”

“Was this how you acquired your thirst for living under the constant threat of execution?”

Merlin snorted. “No. But there was certainly much fun to be had, living as rogues and renegades within Camelot.”

Even though he couldn’t see this, Arthur rolled her eyes. 

“Will you ever be comfortable with talking to me about these things?” she asked softly after a few minutes of lying there silently. 

“About magic?”

“Yeah.”

He chewed his lip thoughtfully. “I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe once I figure out how to explain things to you,” he answered.

“Because I really do want to know about it. I’ve read as much as I possibly can about it; in every lifetime, it’s been something I’ve done a lot of research on. But it’s never been nearly as accurate or clear as I assume you could make it out to be.”

Merlin knew that Arthur was serious. It had come up several times in the past few months, her interest in his magic, but he had never really considered the possibility of Arthur wanting to have conversations about it. He had gone through the last few hundred years assuming that Arthur accepted his magic simply because it was Merlin who had it, and not simply because Arthur accepted magic itself. He had assumed that it was the vessel, not the object. 

Then came the issue of whether or not Merlin actually wanted to share this part of himself with Arthur. There were few things, if anything at all, that Merlin wouldn’t do for Arthur, but when put to the challenge, he found himself frozen. Using magic in Arthur’s presence was one thing; but allowing Arthur to have a greater understanding so that she could experience as much of it as possible was quite another. Through the years, Merlin had become better versed in magic and could understand more of the meaning of it. He had even written down volumes about the matter, but those books were locked up in a safe in the cellar of his home, not meant to be pored over and analyzed. Maybe someday he’d pull out those books and transcribe them to something a little more permanent so the knowledge wasn’t lost forever.

“I understand.”

“Merlin?” 

“Yes?”

“Why do you fight it? You’re fighting to keep me out.”

He didn’t even bother to protest. It was a battle that he was fighting. Of course, he had no idea why he was trying to fight it; the whole part about having Arthur in his life was so he could lead an honest life without having to hide. “I don’t mean to.”

“Are you scared of what I will think?”

“I don’t think so.”

“I’m not going to judge you.”

“I know that.”

“So why won’t you relax and let me in?”

Merlin rolled over onto his side so he could see Arthur. He tucked his hands under the pillow and stuffed it under his head so it better supported his neck. “When I imagined you coming back, I expected you to come walking out of the lake in your chainmail, brandishing Excalibur. I expected you to demand that I polish your armor and get you your supper. I anticipated that you would come back when there was still water in Avalon and when things were still somewhat like how they were when Camelot was around. And I thought that it would take a while for things to settle. I thought you wouldn’t be open to magic, but you would accept it simply because it was me who had it. I didn’t expect you to go around, chasing every and any bit of information you could find about magic.”

“Why wouldn’t you expect me to do that?”

He laughed gently. “Arthur, even though you became considerably more open minded after Uther died and were radically different in how you handled being king, there was no way you were ever going to be that open to magic. Tell me, honestly, would you have legalized the practice of magic for everyone, because everyone who practiced magic was now suddenly wholesome and pure in your eyes, or would you have legalized magic simply so I could practice it without penalty? Would you have legalized magic at all?”

She was quiet for a moment, but Merlin didn’t fear this silence. “I wouldn’t have legalized magic immediately. I would have wanted you to explain things to me. I would have wanted to know what I was getting into so I didn’t have things blow up in my face and reaffirm every reason why Uther criminalized the practice of magic. But once I felt as though it was the right thing to do, I would have decriminalized it.”

“Would I have been able to practice freely?”

Arthur chuckled. “I think you would have been just fine.”

“Arthur…”

“Merlin, clearly, you didn’t need the rules to guide your moral compass in the right direction. There wouldn’t have been any actions taken against you, but I don’t think there would have been a reason for those actions to be taken against you.”

“I’m not sure what you’re saying.”

“You would have been able to live as freely as you wished. You always had a way of living above the law while still living within the law… if that makes sense. And I hope that I’m not being offensive or implying that I didn’t agree with you. Based on what I have since learned, magic is only as corrupt as the hands that hold it. That would have been what I would have found had we gone back to Camelot after Camlann. It would have taken some time, but you would have been able to show me that.”

“So why do you want me to show you this now?”

“Because some things just cannot be learned from books.”

Sometime thereafter, they both fell asleep. The following morning, Arthur was up before either of the two boys, and was able to get some time to herself. What she and Merlin had discussed the night before still bore heavily on her mind, but there was some clarity to the matter that she hadn’t had before they had spoken. She knew that there were things that he couldn’t explain to her, not because he didn’t want to, but because they were so inherently part of him that it was impossible for him to begin to quantify or qualify it. From all that she had researched and what she had seen from Merlin, he was as much magic as magic was Merlin and it would be difficult to differentiate between the two. With that said, she hoped that at some point, it would all become clearer and Merlin wouldn’t still feel so alienated because of who he was and would always be. There was no need for him to feel inclined to hide from Arthur, and it broke her heart that he still felt that he should. 

Gaius was up before Merlin (as Arthur had suspected) and when he walked into the kitchen, he greeted her warmly. “Good morning, Arthur,” he chirped.

“Good morning, Gaius,” she replied. “There is water in the kettle and several varieties of tea in the chest on the table. Help yourself to some tea and hopefully Merlin will be up soon to make sure I don’t burn down the kitchen in trying to make some breakfast.”

Gaius chuckled and helped himself to tea. “Cooking isn’t one of your strong points? But you were fine when we were back near Camlann.”

“No, I can cook... sort of. In generally, it really hasn’t been one of those things I could figure out, especially in the last hundred years or so. Technology has really tampered with my no-nonsense way of cooking. Now, if we were talking about the 1800s or the 1700s… man I could cook. But now, there are just too many gadgets to deal with, and that’s really more of Merlin’s area anyway.”

“Or you just like having him cook.”

“Well, that too,” she laughed. “He doesn’t appreciate my way of cooking bacon. It’s a real point of contention between us, actually.”

“What’s a real point of contention?” Merlin yawned as he shuffled into the kitchen.

“Bacon,” Arthur replied.

“Oh. Yeah, it really is. She burns it.”

“And he doesn’t cook it enough.”

“But at least I don’t set the smoke alarm off.”

“I’d rather not get good poisoning from bacon though.”

“There has to be a middle ground for you and your bacon preferences,” Gaius interjected melodramatically. 

Eventually, Merlin began making breakfast as Arthur and Gaius discussed the various theories that Gaius and Merlin had surmised the evening before. One thing Merlin appreciated about having people in the house was that there was finally noise and it finally felt homey. The mornings may have been chilly, but now there was always a sort of warmth that could never come from a heater or a fire. He and Arthur could bicker about bacon all they wanted, because it meant that there was someone to bicker with. He and Gaius could stay up far past their bedtimes talking about theories of magic simply because there was a person to do that with. 

And if he had gone this long without having that, he could work through all the challenges that came with not being sure how to handle having another person in his life. At least that would be an easier battle to fight.


	2. Chapter 2

There was a strange ringing noise in Merlin’s ear. He couldn’t tell what it was, but he recognized the noise. The noise was not a pleasant thing to wake up to, and he did not appreciate the fact that he was being woken up by such a mundane noise. It was the weekend, and he had wanted to have a lie-in. 

He then heard a shrill shriek and footsteps slamming into the hardwood floors. The bed jostled violently and something slammed into him, crushing his chest. Bones jammed into his side, and, to top it all off, the weight stayed. “Hello?” 

Of course it was Arthur’s phone that would wake him up. And of course it would be Arthur that would body slam into him while he was trying to sleep. 

“Ugh,” he groaned and she covered his mouth with his hand. 

“Ah, yes, I’m so glad that you called! Right… yes, I completely understand.”

Merlin wriggled, trying to free his arms from under her body. Even though he was certain she couldn’t see him, he glared at her. “That is excellent news! I look forward to speaking with you at greater length. Thank you for calling, and have an excellent weekend.”

She bid the caller farewell and hung up her phone. After setting it down on the nightstand and rolling off of Merlin, she removed her hand from his mouth and grinned at him. “You look like you woke up on the wrong side of the bed,” she remarked.

“Whatever would make you think that? It’s common knowledge that I always wake up best to someone slamming into me when I’m trying to sleep,” he replied sardonically. 

“You’ll survive,” she assured him with an affectionate pat on the head. “Get up. We have work to do.”

He groaned and buried his face under the blankets. “It’s the weekend… I wanna sleep.”

“You can sleep when you’re dead.”

“You’re not a Spaniard, and neither am I. I’m gonna sleep now.”

Merlin turned over and snuggled into the blankets. And Arthur would have gone straight for ripping them off of him had he not been so damn adorable about it. His fists curled into the edge of the quilt and his hair stuck up wildly over the hem of the sheets. He rolled over so that he was now lying mostly on his stomach. “Come on… get up,” she murmured. 

He shook his head, wiping his face against the blankets and reminding her of waking up a petulant child. “Merlin, we have work to get done. You haven’t been keeping up with your records at the shop and now, I have to go back and do all your stocking and finance documentation for the last two and a half months!”

“No,” he replied firmly. “I’m gonna sleep and you’re gonna stay with me.”

“Merlin, I’m serious.”

“Me too.”

To prove his point, he slipped an arm out from underneath his cocoon of blankets, and swiftly pinned Arthur down to the bed and pulled her closer to him. She struggled against him, weakly batting at him and protesting between giggles, but to no avail. “Let me remind you that even though you have historically possessed greater physical strength than me, I have surpassed you now that you are no longer in fighting-fit shape. My manly build is stronger than your delicate and slight structure.”

Her giggles intensified until they were uncontrollable and she had tears in her eyes. “Oh, honey… I wouldn’t call what you have a manly build,” she sobbed. 

“Manly build,” he repeated. 

“You’re more of a slightly beefed-up, twig-like creature.”

“And yet, I’m still stronger than you.”

“I bet I could have you on the floor under me without any issue,” Arthur countered, coughing as she recovered from her fit of giggles. 

“Oh, sure. I’m sure you could too. You can demonstrate this later. Now, go to sleep.”

“Merlin, it’s half past ten!”

“Does it look like I care?”

“What will Gaius think?”

“What does Gaius ever think?” Merlin yawned. 

It was now a month after Arthur had returned to Glastonbury. Though Merlin had thoroughly enjoyed their first few weeks together when Arthur had returned the first time, this time was even better. Both he and Arthur were certain that they would finally have some peace. 

In this time, Gaius had moved in. He had taken the guest bedroom and because Merlin was very much aware of the quirks of his home, Merlin was worried that Gaius would misinterpret noises that he heard coming from their bedroom. Gaius had already started in with the knowing smiles and smirks when they came staggering into the kitchen, hair sticking up in every which direction, Arthur’s hands all over him until they would invariably end up sliding under his shirt and roaming while he made his morning tea. 

It hadn’t even been two weeks since Gaius had arrived, so Merlin was really concerned. He didn’t want to give Gaius the wrong impression. Merlin knew exactly what things looked like and what people probably thought of them, but when it came to Gaius, Merlin wanted to be explicitly clear. While he and Arthur were very much aware of their respective feelings towards the other, openly admitting that they loved each other, their relationship was not a physical one, despite what Arthur’s actions would suggest, and they were not going around, jumping each other’s bones during any and every free moment they had. There was no funny business in the back room of the apothecary. 

But in this case, Merlin really didn’t care what Gaius thought. He was completely knackered from lack of sleep. Getting Gaius moved in and settled really had taken quite a bit out of all of them, and there was nothing more that Merlin wanted than to just have a bit of time to sleep. He didn’t think that he required much of those around him, so he was going to demand a little more time to sleep, and that was that. 

Though, as it would happen, Arthur was asleep before he was.   
 


	3. Chapter 3

“Merlin, you need to learn how to drive,” Arthur announced one morning after the daffodils in the garden had begun to bloom. 

“Why? You know how to drive.”

“Yes, but I would like it if you would learn how to drive too. I don’t like the fact that you don’t know how to drive.”

“Arthur, I’m fine. I walk everywhere.”

“I’m well aware, and that’s fine, but knowing that you can drive would make me less worried whenever I’m not around.”

“Whenever you’re not around? Are you planning a holiday or something?”

“No, but if I were…”

“I’d be going with you.”

“Not necessarily.”

“And why not?”

“Because I may be going somewhere that you wouldn’t be welcome.”

“Where would you be going that I wouldn’t be welcome?”

“I don’t know… my parents’ house or something?”

“You have parents?”

Arthur rolled her eyes. “Yes, Merlin, I do have parents.”

“Uther and Igraine?”

“No.”

“And why wouldn’t I be welcome?”

“I don’t like my parents as it is, and I have no desire to share my life with them. If I were to go visit them, I would keep things as superficial as possible.”

“Well, that’s nice. You wouldn’t even bother to mention me. Great.”

“Merlin, it’s not like that. I just don’t want you meeting my family. You’ve already met my family, and look at how rubbish that one is. This one is about ten times worse.”

“You have another half sister who is hell-bent on killing you?”

“No, I have two full sisters who are indifferent about me and incredibly self-absorbed.”

“That might be better.”

Arthur laughed. “You really are an only child, aren’t you?”

Merlin frowned. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Sometimes, it’s best not to involve those whom we love in certain aspects of our lives. I’m asking you to trust me on this. I really don’t want to scar you for life by introducing you to my family, and I don’t want anything to do with them. So please don’t put me in that position.”

A lull fell between them, until Merlin was done processing what Arthur had said. “So, what does this have to do with me learning how to drive?”

“I want you to learn how to drive. We need to be able to get the hell out of this town sometimes.”

“And what is wrong with Glastonbury?”

“Nothing; it’s lovely. It’s also nice to get away though.”

“Does this mean we have to acquire a vehicle?”

“Yes, Merlin. It does.”

Later that afternoon, as Merlin and Gaius worked on Gaius’ little guesthouse in the garden, Merlin stood up from the flooring he was installing and stretched his back. “Gaius?” he asked, suddenly remembering the conversation he had had with Arthur earlier that day. 

“Yes?” Gaius asked, as he finished installing a light switch near the entrance to the little house. 

“Should I learn how to drive?”

“A car?” 

“Yeah.”

“Uh… I don’t know. What does Arthur think?”

“She’s the one who wants me to learn.”

“Well, it would be helpful to learn. I’m surprised you don’t already have your license.”

“I tried learning a while ago. It wasn’t my thing. There were too many things to do.”

“Ah,” Gaius replied.

“Horses and bikes and walking are just much easier.”

“Of course.”

“When did you learn how to drive?” Merlin asked.

“I learned how to drive while I was in the military.”

“I didn’t know you were in the military.”

“I don’t talk about it much,” Gaius sniffed. “It’s a long story. Kind of sad story though. Lost a lot of my close friends.”

“Oh, Gaius, I’m so sorry.”

He smiled sadly and began to install the cover over the live wires. Apparently he was still a man of many trades, which pleased Merlin. “But driving… it’s not too hard once you get into it. You’ve got to give it a little time.”

“But do you think it’s… necessary?”

“Well, what did Arthur say about it?”

“She said that she worries.”

“About anything in particular, or in general? She certainly worries a lot about you in general, but was there anything specific?”

Merlin wiped his brow with the back of his hand and sighed. “She says that she worries that I won’t be… well, I dunno actually. I’m not sure how it really pertains to me, but she says that she wants me to learn how to drive in case she goes on holiday.”

“On holiday? Where would she go?”

“Her parents’ house, apparently.”

“Her parents? She has parents? Uther and Igraine?”

“No. I asked. But I’m not allowed to meet them.”

“Why not?”

“Not a fan of her family, I guess.”

“Hmm… that’s peculiar.”

“How so?”

“Well, I suppose I’ve always assumed that Arthur… should I just start calling her Martha? I feel like a lot of things would be less complicated if we just called her Martha.”

“Mars.”

“Mars?”

“She prefers Mars. I think Martha is a family name.”

“So she really does not feel any kinship towards her family?”

“I honestly haven’t a clue. We’ve gotten better about taking about our respective pasts, but it’s still mostly about is stuff not pertinent to her past. It’s all about Camelot or the shop or my past. It’s only been recently that we’ve started talking about her past careers, and don’t even get me started about how unforthcoming she is about talking about her families.”

“She does know about Amhar, right?”

“Yes.”

“Good. I would be upset if she didn’t.”

“I think she would have killed me if I didn’t tell her what became of Gwen.”

“I don’t blame her. I probably would have killed you if you hadn’t told her. Theirs was a strong, stable marriage. Arthur cared deeply for Gwen, and Gwen cared deeply for Arthur.”

Merlin nodded slowly. “But what does this have to do with you learning how to drive?” Merlin asked.

“I don’t know. But why would she want me to learn how to drive? We don’t go anywhere.”

“Maybe she wants to go somewhere?”

“But she can drive, and you can drive, so why do I need to learn?”

While that question went resoundingly unanswered, Merlin began to learn how to drive. Initially, Arthur was the one who went out with him and explained how everything worked. Gaius was more than gracious and allowed them to use his old truck to go and practice with since they didn’t have a car to use and were going to wait before they got one. 

“Okay, so that’s the gear shift. You’re going to want to understand that before you do anything to move the car. And you cannot use magic to make it move, do you understand me?”

Damn. She was good. He tried not to let his disappointment show. “Why would I use magic?” Merlin asked innocently. 

“Why wouldn’t you use magic?” she countered. “Anyway, no magic. You have to do this without magic.”

“You damn Muggles,” he muttered. “Taking the fun out of everything.”

“Really? Really, Merlin?”

“You and your Muggle technology!” he continued. “This is far too complex.”

“Merlin, you are a trained physician with the skill-set to perform brain surgery if you wanted to. How, pray tell, is driving a car complex?” 

“It just is!”

Once he figured out the dashboard and how to work the car, they started driving around. As a novice driver, Merlin was rubbish. He hit their mailbox twice within two minutes, and that was only on the way out of their driveway. Merlin made note to move the mailbox farther away from the driveway. 

As the week went on and Merlin became more comfortable with driving, Arthur seemed to become less and less comfortable with his driving. She sat, tense and wide-eyed, in the passenger seat and spent most of the time wincing and hissing whenever Merlin made even the slightest of mistakes. Whenever he made more obvious mistakes, she actually would scream and eventually, it got to be too much for both of them. 

After a particularly rough excursion, Arthur practically threw herself out of the car as soon as Merlin parked the car in front of the house. “That’s it! I’m done. You’re going to learn how to drive, but not with me!” 

Later on, Merlin asked Gaius if he would finish teaching him how to drive. Gaius agreed, and the next afternoon, they headed out to do some errands in town. Unlike the stories Arthur had told Gaius prior to letting Gaius leave with Merlin, Merlin was doing splendidly. It seemed as though Merlin had been driving for years. 

About ten minutes into their drive, Gaius eyed Merlin warily. “What was the problem with you driving? Why was she adamant that she wasn’t going to drive with you again?”

“Because I’m a horrible driver,” Merlin replied.

“You’re doing fine to me.”

“I know. And… um… thanks.”

“You’re welcome. So, have you been sneaking out to drive on your own? I don’t see the issue here.”

“I was faking it.”

“You were faking being a bad driver? Why would you do something like that?”

“I was tired of her nagging at me.”

“So you pretended to be a bad driver?”

“Yup. And it had the desired effect, because I don’t have to drive with her anymore,” he chirped.

“You two really do have an interesting relationship, don’t you?”

“Two of a kind.”

Gaius chuckled and looked out the side window. “You’re not using magic. I’m impressed.”

“Yeah, she demanded that I not use magic, and admittedly, that might be the best bit of advice she gave me during this process. I nearly crashed the car when I tried it.”

“You nearly crashed my truck?” 

“Oh… yeah…”

“How do I know that you didn’t crash the truck and just use magic to cover your tracks?”

“Well, that’s true, I could do that. I wouldn’t do that, simply because that would be wrong, but I guess I could do that.”

“I’ll know if you did.”

“I have no doubt.”

Within another few weeks, Merlin was ready to get his license, and he passed the exam with flying colors. He then proceeded to gloat about his results to Arthur, teasing her about the lack of faith she had in him and his ability to drive until she snapped and dumped a glass of ice water down his shirt and that was the end of that. 

But at least he had his license and he now had more ways he could get revenge. 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

There came a time when Merlin was convinced that Arthur was breaking their plates on purpose. Within a week, the collection of plates that he had accumulated over the last few decades had gone from maybe a dozen plates down to a solidary trio. While he couldn’t actually nab Arthur for being the culprit, once the plate count was down to two and that they were now using bowls for meals that didn’t go in bowls, they finally had to accept that they needed to acquire new dishware. 

And that was when Arthur suggested they go to IKEA. 

Merlin had heard of IKEA, but had never had any interest of venturing to this place. From what he knew, it was either Danish or Swedish or maybe even Norwegian—somewhere with a lot of snow—and there was a lot of furniture sold at reasonable prices. Okay, maybe he had read that last bit on the catalog or something, but he still really didn’t have a grasp of what IKEA was or what it would mean for his life. 

One afternoon, he and Arthur ventured to Bristol to visit this legendary fairyland that was IKEA. When they arrived, Merlin frowned. “It’s a store.”

Arthur parked the car and gathered up her bag. “Yes.”

“You made it sound like it was the holy land or something.”

“I did not.”

“I don’t know, I think you mentioned pilgrimages and temples.”

She rolled her eyes and locked the car. “Come on, you buffoon.”

He unbuckled and exited the car. After he closed the door behind him, he took off into the parking lot. “Off to the magical fairyland of IKEA!” Merlin shouted melodramatically, glancing back at Arthur and sticking his tongue out at her. 

He was not excited about this venture. 

The inside of the store was minimally more interesting than the outside the store. There were far too many people for Merlin’s liking, but considering it was the weekend and this seemed to be a pretty happening place on the weekends, he figured this was normal. Arthur wasn’t necessarily interested in most of what they walked past, so they moved through the first few areas of the store fairly quickly. 

He spoke too soon. Once they reached the items that Arthur was interested in looking at, their pace slowed to a halt and Merlin realized that this was probably the worst thing Arthur had ever dragged him along for, except for maybe the times Arthur had either died or almost died. 

As they perused the aisles of the kitchen section, Merlin read out all the names of the items for sale. And of course, there was only so much of this Arthur could stand before she reached up and covered his mouth with her hand. “What?” he asked, his voice muffled by her hand.

“Stop. For the love of all that holy, stop,” Arthur ordered.

Merlin pulled Arthur’s hand off of his face. “I’m just reading the item names. I’m trying out Swedish.”

“That’s fantastic. Just… please do it silently. Better yet, why don’t you help me figure out what sort of plates we’re getting?”

Merlin looked down at what Arthur was looking at. “You’re asking my opinion about plates?”

“You have opinions.”

“Right… well, I don’t care for the one with the flowers. I think they’re flowers. Anyway, not a fan of that right there. I like the blue ones.”

Arthur nodded absently as she noticed something in the next aisle over. “Oh, how about this? This has everything we’d need, as far as plates and bowls go. And it looks like there’s flatware and glassware included.”

“But it’s boring.”

“Boring? It looks nice.”

“There’s no pattern to it.”

“Well, that’s the point. We can add to it. But it looks nice.”

Merlin frowned. “These blue ones are nice too.”

“Yes, they are. And if we need more plates than what’s in this kit here, they’d go nicely with these.”

“You’re ignoring my opinion.”

“I am not.”

“You are going to get that set and my opinion will go unheard.”

“Merlin.”

“What? You asked my opinion; I told you my opinion, and you’re still going against it.”

“The blue plates are more expensive and they don’t come in a kit like this. Look, for £60, we can get sixty pieces of what we need. That might be much more than we will ever use.”

Arthur turned the box around and nodded. “Right, six of each piece.”

Merlin stepped forward and examined the box. “We don’t need wine glasses.”

“We might.”

“When was the last time you drank wine? Camelot?” Merlin inquired.

“Merlin, what is up with you?”

“I told you that I liked the blue plates.”

“Yes, they are very nice plates. The color is lovely. But it’s not practical. Is there a larger plate, perhaps a serving dish or something, that is like the blue plate?”

“Don’t patronize me,” Merlin sighed. “Look, it’s fine. Just get that kit. You’re right; it’s quite practical.”

“Merlin, I’m not patronizing you,” Arthur replied quietly.

“You’ve completely disregarded my opinion. We don’t need a set of six. It’s just you and me.”

“And Gaius,” Arthur reminded him.

“And Gaius.”

“So, that’s three people.”

“But I’ve never seen you drink wine in this form, so we don’t need six wine glasses.”

“What if we entertain?”

“And who, pray tell, who would we be entertaining?”

“I don’t know… people?”

“Oh, right. I forgot about how close we are to people. You know, I’ll just ring them up when we get home and inform them that we now have enough wine glasses to host a dinner party!” Merlin cried sarcastically.

Several women were starting to look their way, and Arthur knew how much of a scene Merlin was wont to make. Honestly, he was such a child sometimes. With a heavy sigh, Arthur rubbed her face and pulled the box off of the shelf. After the box was in their cart, Merlin disappeared for a moment, returning with a blue plate. “I’m getting the blue plate. This is now my plate. I will only use this plate. Remember that,” he informed Arthur solemnly.

“Fine. That’s fine by me,” Arthur said as she began to walk away.

The drive back to Glastonbury was far too quiet for Merlin to enjoy the silence. Once they returned home, Arthur unloaded the car silently while Merlin snuck away to Gaius’ almost-finished little guesthouse. Gaius wasn’t there, so Merlin headed to the house. 

“Did you two have a row?” Gaius asked as Merlin walked into the kitchen and started rifling through a cupboard for something to eat. 

“A row?” Merlin asked as he bit into an apple. 

“Arthur didn’t seem pleased when she walked in.”

“Doesn’t surprise me. Nothing pleases her these days,” Merlin grumbled after he swallowed the bite of apple.

“You two have started to settle in, and now you’re dealing with the realities of being in a committed relationship. It’s perfectly natural,” Gaius assured Merlin.

“Committed relationship,” Merlin mused. “Now, that’s a phrase I never thought I’d use when describing things between Arthur and me.”

Gaius smiled. “Well, you’ve purchased plates together, so I suppose that now states that you two are officially in a committed relationship.”

“Really? That’s what defines a committed relationship? Plates?”

“Among other things,” Gaius hummed. “But yes… plates. Plates, flatware, glasses… the works. Before you know it, you’ll be purchasing bedding together.”

“What’s wrong with the bedding we have?” Merlin inquired defensively.

“I’m not saying there is anything wrong with the bedding you have. I was simply making a facetious point.”


	5. Chapter 5

What had only been meant to be a facetious comment ended up becoming something that Merlin spent a lot of time thinking about. He looked around his house and saw how antiquated everything seemed. The structure itself had been updated a few times throughout the history of the house, but that wasn’t really the problem. The house was too dark, too sullen, and too cold for anyone to really feel at home here. Even though he tried to keep the house as clean as possible, just a force of habit from his days in Camelot, there were still layers of dust and cobwebs to be found in forgotten corners of the house. 

The kitchen was too small, the cabinets showing signs of wear, and the appliances were starting to die out. There was a consistent problem with getting the oven to work, to the point that they barely used the oven anymore. Maybe Arthur had a point with wanting to get new plates; maybe it was time to update the house to reflect that they were, in fact, living in the 21st century, instead of some amalgamation of several centuries thrown together. 

Not that that was a problem. The house was lovely. A lot of people, especially the tourists who had taken their adventure a little farther outside the main town and the beaten path, had asked if he was interested in selling his home. Plus, the acreage he had, something that he had held fast to as people started moving to the area, was an added benefit. Trees lined the perimeter of the property, thick with years of growth and proper care, adding to the privacy and allure of the property. It was his own little slice of the world and nothing would drive him away from that. 

Arthur had taken to tending a small garden that sat next to Merlin’s larger gardens. While one of Merlin’s gardens was for practical uses (vegetables, leafy greens, tomatoes, and the odd perennial flower), Arthur’s garden was devoted to flowers. She loved her flowers and had quite the green thumb, which is why Merlin decided that maybe she was far more knowledgeable about plants than she let on and offered to let her tend some herbs in his herb garden that he kept in a greenhouse that he had constructed in the early 1900s. 

The greenhouse was large and absolutely breathtaking. It was obvious that this greenhouse was Merlin’s pride and joy, based on how meticulously everything was placed. There was no doubt that the emphasis he placed on his greenhouse was because it was his livelihood. When Arthur had first arrived and had gotten the grand tour of the house, she had been awed by how painfully crafted everything in this greenhouse was. She wondered just how much magic had gone into creating this space, because it was really too unbelievable for magic not to be involved. When she thought more of it, she realized that the greenhouse reminded her of the garden from The Secret Garden, just some beautiful and magical place where the rest of the world didn’t matter. 

Except this was really Merlin’s entire world. His livelihood and his expertise lived within the glass walls of the space and it showed. Even if Merlin hadn’t charmed his greenhouse with some spell or another, magic did reside within the greenhouse. 

Because Merlin needed a place to put all of his herbs once they had been harvested, he had constructed a workshop. While the workshop wasn’t nearly as impressive as the greenhouse, it was still a charming little building beside the house. Upon entering the room, the smell of drying herbs was overpowering, but soon abated. When Arthur first explored the workshop, she realized that it smelled exactly like the apothecary, maybe just a little stronger because the room was much smaller than the shop. She realized that this was what Merlin smelled like; his unintentional cologne was the scent of dozens of herbs that he cultivated and prepared himself for the apothecary. And while most people would have been repulsed by the overpowering smell, she gravitated toward it because it was the most wonderful smell she could imagine. It was Merlin’s scent, and the only time Merlin had ever really smelled foul was when he didn’t shower immediately after cleaning the stables or had had an unfortunate incident with the horses back in Camelot. 

With Gaius’ guesthouse finished and Gaius settled in, that brought the property to a whopping four structures, not including the mysterious shed that Merlin hadn’t brought anyone’s attention to, but Gaius and Arthur had a keen interest in. They both presumed that this was where Merlin had kept all of his ‘artifacts’, since they really hadn’t seen anything wretchedly old in the house, save for a few trinkets that he kept hidden on bookshelves in the sitting room. Knowing Merlin, he would have kept things of particular value, and it was wholesomely unlikely that he wouldn’t have kept less than an entire castle’s worth of goods. 

But, because he had never invited them to take a look at his shed, they never asked. Arthur found Gaius peering through the small window a few times, and Gaius found Arthur trying to pick the lock, but they never went as far as to actually put enough effort into getting in. They maintained a fair degree of respect for Merlin and his past. 

Merlin’s home was certainly a treasure, but now it was time to add something to the treasure; update the treasure and keep it in shape. There were three residents and it wasn’t acceptable to leave things unattended to anymore because they all needed to be comfortable in their home. And Merlin knew that there were a few things that he wanted to look into updating. 

One thing (among many) that Merlin did not tend to discuss with people were his assets. Merlin had learned quickly that acquiring assets was going to be crucial. He didn’t know how long he had before Arthur returned, but he wanted to make sure that when Arthur did return, that there would be enough to live comfortably. Over the years, his assets changed in form and in value, but one thing remained the same: Merlin did not collect a huge income. Not because he wasn’t worth it or that he couldn’t demand it; no, he wanted to remain under the radar. Within three hundred years of living without Arthur, Merlin was worth as much as Arthur was at the time of Arthur’s death. 

As the economy changed and things began to modernize, Merlin’s income and worth shot up exponentially, and because he didn’t need much to get by with, he sent most of it into savings. When the stock market emerged, he invested about a quarter of his assets and reaped the benefit of doing so. But, because he had been wise and had not invested it all, he barely felt the impact of the market crashing or dipping whenever it did. 

It was never really about the money though. Yes, he enjoyed having the safety net, but after a while, it just became something that was there and basically handled itself. All he had to do was change the name on the accounts every few decades and indicate that yes, he was in fact the benefactor to the accounts, and then he was on his merry way. It was amazing just how many generations had a Merlin Ambrosius to take up the ownership of the accounts. 

After WWI, Merlin donated a large sum of his assets to fund the local health that was severely lacking in funds to care for all the young men coming home from the Continent. He preferred to have the money in the hands of those who knew better how to use it than he did. When WWII came around, some of his assets went towards those whom the war had impacted. The women and children, families that were displaced as result of the Blitz, had better use of the money than he did. 

When the technology boom occurred, Merlin was at the forefront, investing in Apple and Microsoft. At the time, he really didn’t know why he was investing; the thought behind his actions was that he just wanted something to do with the money, and it seemed like this was the best thing to do with it. He went years without going through and reviewing his portfolio, but when he revisited his portfolio to reassess his investments, he was blown away by what had happened. Right before Iceland’s economy collapsed, he was worth at least £600 million. Thereafter, it decreased considerably, but he really didn’t care. It was an arbitrary number that simply reminded him of how old and lonely he was. 

And so he went, donating his assets after major tragedies. Anonymous donations made in the name of charities that he trusted would allocate the gifts accordingly. He had always heard that giving back was one of the best feelings someone could have, and he believed that. He felt like he was helping, like there was purpose to his seemingly purposeless life. It brought him towards people that he would never meet but would always remember. If he couldn’t have people in his life, he was going to at least help their lives. 

Now, in 2017, he hadn’t gone back and reviewed his portfolio in some time. The economy had leveled out and stabilized after a few years of really not knowing what would happen. During the economic recession, he had found that business had slowed and that he needed to rely on his savings more than usual, but he knew from history, the economy ebbed and flowed and eventually things would turn around. It had been a while since he had thought of something he wanted to invest in, but quite honestly, things like that could wait. 

Which brought Merlin back to the point about his home. Everything was progressing and evolving around him, but he was stuck in a time warp in his home. A few updates wouldn’t be out of the question and it was time to bring his life up to the present. 

One night, after Arthur and Gaius had gone to bed, Merlin wandered through the house, his fingers running absently over various pieces of furniture that filled his home. Some things would stay: an apothecary table from the 1700s, a carved chair from 1867, and the secretary from the early 1900s. Other things would have to go: the lumpy couch that smelled weird because it was probably made from toxic materials that no one batted an eye at during the 1970s, the old carpeting from the 1950s that, no matter how many times Merlin vacuumed or threw spells at it, just wasn’t getting any cleaner, and the bookcases that were starting to lean dangerously. 

Off the top of his head, he could list a dozen things that he wanted to replace. The mattress on the guest bed needed to be replaced. No matter how patient and laid-back Gaius was about things, Merlin knew that the mattress in the guest bedroom was wretched and old. He was pretty sure there were springs coming out of the fabric in some places. In addition to the mattress in the guest bedroom, the mattress in their room needed to be replaced. There was a divot where Merlin had slept every night for three decades and even though nothing was sticking out, he didn’t want to think of what could possibly be living in the mattress. 

He knew, based on their trip to IKEA, that the mattresses that he had were too small for the bedframes that were being sold now. If they were going to get new mattresses, they were going to have to get new bedframes too. And if they were going to get new bedframes, they might as well pick out a new set of bookcases and shelves, and while they were at the trouble of it, perhaps choose a new couch and a few rugs. 

But then there was the trouble of getting Arthur to go along with his plan. She hadn’t mentioned any issues with how things were. She had her plates and flatware, so she was perfectly content. Based on how things had gone the previous time, she was probably not going to be on board with going to IKEA. So, Merlin had to be cunning about getting her to do what he wanted. And he knew just how to do it. 

Quietly, he slipped into their bedroom and with one of the stethoscopes that they had in their medicine cabinet, he planned to listen to the bedframe and claim that there was woodworm. It had seemed to work the first time he tried to pull this one over on Arthur, so he hoped it would work again. 

He made his way around to her side of the bed. Despite his efforts to be quiet and not disturb her, Arthur rolled over sleepily and Merlin froze. He kicked the side of the bed on accident, and Arthur’s eyes opened. “Merlin? What are you doing?” she asked him groggily. 

Merlin snapped into position, stethoscope up against the wood, trying to look as nonchalant or at least unsuspicious as possible. “Um… checking for woodworm.”

“Woodworm?” she echoed.

“Yeah… I think we’ve got a problem with it. Old furniture, you know?”

“Merlin, the bed is fine. I think it’s probably more solid than any other bed I’ve seen.”

“Well, nothing lasts forever,” he laughed uncomfortably. 

“Okay… well, don’t hurt yourself,” she sighed before she went back to sleep. 

The next morning, because he still didn’t know how to get what he wanted without actually telling Arthur what he wanted, he decided to take the next step and actually cause some damage to the bed. Arthur didn’t seem to remember their conversation from the previous night, so Merlin was confident that he could get away with it without it being too obvious. As any normal, well-adjusted adult male would, Merlin cast a spell on the bed that snapped it into two pieces and rendered it completely useless. 

Arthur was horrified when she came back from the grocery store and Merlin explained what had happened, conveniently leaving out the bit about how he was the one who snapped the bed in half, and informed her that they needed to get a new bed. “It’s the woodworm, Arthur.”

“The woodworm snapped the bed in half?” she asked, her eyes wide with shock.

“No, that would be rather impressive though. They ate away at the wood, and took away the stability. When I got up this morning, I must have hit the bed at the right point, and torqued the bed the wrong way, and it snapped into two,” he explained. 

“Where are we going to get a new bed?” 

“I guess we could go back to IKEA. I recall there being a lot of beds there.”

She gave him a pointed look. “Do you not remember the last time we were at IKEA?”

“I do remember that, but if we need a new bed, I suppose we are just going to have to suck it up and go back.”

Arthur wasn’t easily convinced, but after examining the damage further and trying to figure out if the bed could be salvaged, she sighed and agreed that they would journey up to Bristol to acquire a new bed. Merlin, of course, was thrilled. But not so thrilled that Arthur would suspect something. 

However, the next day, Arthur knew something was up when Merlin snatched the keys out of her hand and nearly skipped out to the car. She had never seen the man skip in his life, but here he was, jumping into the driver’s seat, clearly excited to make the hour drive to Bristol. “You’re excited,” she remarked as she got into the car.

“I just want to get this over with,” Merlin lied.

He wanted to spend all day at IKEA if at all possible. Arthur was going to be severely displeased with him after the fact, but he was going to have fun whilst making her angry. It was almost too perfect of a situation; going to IKEA and irritating Arthur. Two birds with one stone. 

On the drive there, Merlin sang (yes, he sang) along to the radio. Arthur wasn’t sure when he had learned the words to “Brokenhearted” by Karmin, but didn’t get a chance to ask him because she was distracted by the fact that he was hitting notes that she didn’t expect him to hit. By the time they reached Bristol, Arthur was sincerely wondering if Merlin truly was the most powerful sorcerer to ever exist. 

As soon as they entered the store, Merlin made a beeline for the beds. He grabbed Arthur’s wrist and they marched through the store, bypassing sections that weren’t the bed section. When they reached their destination, Merlin dropped her hand and flopped onto one of the beds gleefully and tried out the mattress as Arthur stood, arms crossed, watching him. “Come try it out!”

“Merlin, this is ridiculous.”

“No it’s not! You should really try this one. This one is lovely.”

With a sigh, she sat down on the edge of the bed. “No, no… you’ve got to lie down on it.”

“Merlin, I am not going to lie on the bed.”

“Come on, lie down. It’s fine. You’re supposed to lie down on the beds.”

Reluctantly, Arthur lay down next to Merlin. “Okay, now curl up next to me, like you usually do.”

“I’ve gotten onto the bed. I’m lying on a bed that thousands of other people have laid on. I’m drawing the line at spooning you.”

“Fine. If you insist, I’ll spoon you.”

“No, you won’t,” Arthur replied as she sat up and scooted towards the edge of the bed. 

“Oh, come on, Arthur. We need to agree on the bed. None of the beds will fit the mattress we have.”

“The bed was fine, Merlin!”

“No, it wasn’t. It was lumpy and creaky and old.”

“Much like you when you’re an old man,” she muttered.

“What?” Merlin asked, confused.

“Nothing.”

He was silent for a moment before he sat up. “Arthur, come on. It’s not a huge deal.”

“Merlin, did you break the bed on purpose?”

“No. It was the woodworms.”

Arthur rolled her eyes. “You see, I did a bit of research last night… you know, about woodworms, and dry wood usually isn’t affected. I don’t know how often you let it rain in your room, but there was no reason for, or trace of, woodworm infestation in the bed.”

Merlin hated Google.

“It’s old. The bed is atrociously old. Is it wrong to want something new?” he finally asked her, knowing that his lie hadn’t worked.

“No, but if you had been honest with me about it, I wouldn’t be so irritated.”

“Okay. I want a new bed. I like having new things in the house. It doesn’t feel as dreary.”

“That’s fine. Just a bit of honesty would be nice,” she replied, the irritation in her voice abating. 

They looked around at various beds and mattresses until they finally could agree on what they wanted to purchase. At this point, Merlin dragged Arthur to the closest IKEA employee. “We are interested in the Sultan Hjartdal mattress and the Hemnes bed frame,” Merlin announced cheerfully to the bored-looking employee.

“Okay then,” the bored woman replied. “You need to tell them that when you check out. I can’t help you with that.”

“Ah, I see. Thank you though!” Merlin chirped.

He grabbed Arthur’s hand and started pulling her toward where he knew the checkout stands were. Arthur groaned as she moved to keep up with him. “Merlin, I’m exhausted.”

“We have to get the bed and we can go.”

“Merlin, we aren’t done yet.”

“What do you mean? We have the mattress; we have the bed frame. What more do we need to get?”

“None of your bedding will fit this bed.”

Just as Arthur expected, Merlin’s face lit up. “Oh! Of course, bedding!”

Four hours later, they were sitting on the floor, trying to figure out how the hell they were ever going to assemble their new Hemnes bed frame in time for their Sultan Hjartdal mattress, and the obscene amount of bedding they had purchased. Arthur would have never suspected that Merlin cared so much about bedding, but oh lord, he did. 

They spent an hour in the bedding department alone. He insisted upon trying out all the pillows and cross-examining duvets. At one point, he set a display duvet on fire just to make sure that it wouldn’t completely incinerate seconds after combustion occurred. Arthur was convinced they were going to get arrested for attempted arson. 

After they had determined that they had found the perfect duvet and pillows, they then needed to look at bedding. Arthur, at this point, was terribly bored out of her mind and told Merlin he could choose. Merlin refused to believe that Arthur was truly going to relinquish control of what bedding was on the bed to him, so he insisted that she give him her opinion of every single duvet cover they had on display. Arthur counted to ten at least forty times so she wouldn’t strangle Merlin in his efforts to drive her absolutely batty. 

Eventually, they had bedding. Arthur, though she wouldn’t dare admit it, was actually pleased with their selection. Merlin had spotted a red duvet and, jokingly, suggested that he could charm the duvet so that it would take on the same appearance as the coverlet that had covered Arthur’s bed back in Camelot. Arthur had thought that that would be tacky, but she countered that by saying that she liked the duvet. And she really did like the duvet; it was a lovely shade of red, very soft, and went well with the white and red sheets they had picked out. 

Thirty minutes after purchasing their bed and bedding, as well as the bed and bedding for the guest bedroom, they were loading everything into the back of Gaius’ truck. The mattresses just barely fit, and several of the employees had to come out and help them strap everything down, but once they were done with that, they were on their merry way. Unloading the car and taking everything in hadn’t been too egregious of a task, especially after they had cleaned out the mess that Merlin had created in snapping the bed in half. 

With their bed assembled and put together, they decided that they would wait and put together the other bed later. Gaius had prepared dinner and they were both starving. After the delicious dinner (pot roast, potatoes, carrots, and biscuits), Arthur cleared the dishes while Merlin put away the rest of the food. Merlin stared at his refrigerator and at the stove wistfully. 

“What?” Arthur asked, even though she didn’t turn around.

“Do you think the house is too old?”

Now she turned around. “Too old?”

“Yeah. I mean, the stove barely works, the fridge is probably on its last leg, and lord knows that those cabinets are probably going to come crashing down at some point.”

“Did you not install them properly?” Arthur asked, eyeing the cabinets warily.

“No, they were installed just fine; it’s just…”

“You want to update the place.”

“Yeah.”

She nodded and returned to washing plates. “I mean, it’s really different than the house I grew up in. We had a dishwasher and a laundry machine, but I think a lot of houses had those things. This house is different though. And I like that. But, if you think a few things could be updated, I don’t see any reason why they couldn’t.”

“Would you be up for a DIY project?”

“Did you just use the term DIY?” 

“Yeah, why?”

She laughed. “I don’t know; I just never thought I’d hear you say something like that.”

“Is it bad?”

“No; just uncharacteristic of you.”

“Ah,” he hummed. 

A few minutes later, she was done washing the plates and pans from dinner and dried her hands. She turned to Merlin. “Wanna go break in the bed?” Arthur asked with a wink.

Feeling his heart leap up into his throat and not knowing why, Merlin hesitated before he nodded shyly. Without any notice, she sprinted out of the kitchen. “Last one there is a rotten egg!” 

His feet compelled him to chase after her, but she had gained a reasonable lead on him. When he reached the door to their bedroom, he stopped. Arthur was jumping on the bed, giggling in a manner reminiscent of a much younger woman. Part of Merlin was relieved. But the rest of him was still terrified. He wondered if they would ever get to the part where breaking in the bed didn’t mean jumping on it.

“Didn’t you ever hear about the five little monkeys?” Merlin inquired.

Arthur let her legs move out from underneath her as she came to rest, sitting on the bed. “Sorry?”

“You know, five little monkeys, jumping on the bed… one fell off and bumped his head?”

“Yeah, I’ve heard it. Little surprised that you’ve heard it too.”

“Not completely oblivious.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” she muttered jokingly. “Come on… jump on the bed. It’s excellent!”

“See, when you said break in the bed, I didn’t think you wanted to jump on it.”

“How else did you think we’d break it in?”

“By sleeping in it?” he answered, praying that she didn’t notice the fact that he was starting to perspire and thought that she meant another word that ended in ‘-umping’. 

“Well, that’s one way of doing it. But this is more fun.”

“Yeah, except we invested a lot of money into it, and now you’ve made a mess of the excellent work I put into making the bed.”

“Oh, would you just live a little and loosen up?” she laughed. “Have you ever jumped on a bed?”

“No.”

“Good lord. You’re such an old man.”

She slid off the bed and dragged him over to the side. “Shoes off. Stand up on the bed. Jump. Jump like you being attacked by snakes.”

“I wouldn’t jump if I were being attacked by snakes. I’d run.”

Arthur did not look amused. Merlin knew that she wasn’t suggesting that he jump on the bed. He was being held hostage on his own bed until he jumped on it. Not quite how he’d imagined this point in his life. So, he brought himself to bounce up and down, getting a feel for the receptiveness of the mattress. 

Ten minutes later, they were lying side by side on the bed, breathless and giggly. “So?” she prompted.

He tried to catch his breath. “It’s got some appeal,” he answered.

Merlin yelped when she poked at his belly repeatedly. “Would you just admit that it was fun? Why do you have to be a pain about everything?”

“Ow!” he laughed. “Ow, stop! I had fun! Ow, ow! Stop! Arthur, I had fun! I enjoyed myself!” 

She rolled over onto her belly and grinned. “That’s more like it, you old geezer.”

“You’re older than I am,” he reminded her.

“And I wear it far better than you ever could,” she replied. 

He chuckled and rested his hand on her upper back. “I’ll give you that.” 

Quietly, she fingered the hem of his dark navy jumper. “Have you always had this?” 

“No. It’s new. I figured I’d try it out. Should I ditch it?”

“Nah, it’s nice. As long as it’s not that bloody koala shirt you had…”

“There was nothing wrong with the koala shirt, and you know it. And I’ll have you know, it wasn’t ‘that bloody koala shirt you had’, as you so say, until your blood got on it. I think you bled out on it on purpose.”

Arthur threw him a pointed look. Her ankles were crossed and suspended in the air. One thing Merlin hadn’t committed to memory yet was her feet. Just like everything else about her, Merlin was certain it wouldn’t take long for him to be able to write volumes just about her metatarsals alone. 

Gently, she rested her head against him and closed her eyes. It wasn’t quite as Merlin had hoped; she was still mostly off of him, but the fact that she was resting her head on him was a good step. Little steps… it always took little steps.


	6. Chapter 6

The house was simply just too hot. Arthur was miserable and restless, and Merlin was suffering for it. Needing a reprieve from Arthur’s tossing and turning, Merlin finally sat up in bed. “Enough!” he exclaimed. 

Arthur frowned at him. “What?”

“I don’t know how we ever managed to sleep with you and your tossing and turning, but we’re going outside. Come on.”

“Outside?”

“I’ve got some sleeping bags somewhere. We’re going outside. 

Outside was better, but only marginally. The stars were nice, but there really was no other draw to being outside instead of inside. This became particularly true when Arthur screamed when she woke up and saw that there was a sheep in her face. Merlin woke with a start and jumped to his feet, ready to attack, but saw that there was nothing attacking them. “What’s wrong?” he asked as he pet the sheep. 

Arthur braced herself on her elbows and gaped at Merlin and the sheep. “Why is there a bloody sheep trying to eat my hair?” she screeched.

“Edwin? Oh, Edwin won’t hurt you. He’s a gentle soul.”

“Edwin?” Arthur asked.

“Yeah, he’s the neighbor’s sheep. He wanders over here from time to time. He’s a nice sheep.”

Arthur groaned as she lay back down. “A nice sheep. Unlikely,” she muttered as she rubbed her eyes.

Merlin laughed as he crouched down and kissed her head fondly. “Come along. We can’t return Edwin while in our pajamas,” he informed Arthur as he held out a hand to help her up. 

She struggled to get up, mainly because she was trying to avoid Edwin, the Sheep from Hell. Merlin gathered up the sleeping bags and pillows, handing the pillows to Arthur to carry since Edwin was eyeing the pillows with keen interest. Arthur hurried up the hill to the house, trying to get away from Edwin, and passed Gaius on the way in. “Good morning, Gaius.”

“Did I hear someone screaming earlier?”

“Yeah… apparently there’s a rogue sheep that Merlin’s fond of.”

“A rogue sheep?”

Merlin stepped into the house. “Edwin is not a rogue sheep. He’s adventurous, that’s all. Arthur, he’s a sheep. He’s not Morgana.”

“For all we know, he could be…” Arthur grumbled as she left the kitchen.

As soon as he was certain that Arthur was out of earshot, Merlin burst into laughter. “Oh my… Gaius, it was hilarious. She was terrified of the sheep! Arthur Pendragon, afraid of sheep!”

“I can hear you!” Arthur’s voice called down from the upper level.

Merlin’s face fell for a moment, but he broke into a huge smile again. “I don’t care,” he muttered. “It was great.”

Gaius chuckled. “She’s becoming a bit grouchier these days, don’t you think?”

“She’s tired,” Merlin explained. “Always tired, and apparently, I’m the one making her tired.”

“How so?”

He shrugged. “By existing, apparently.”

Merlin thought for a moment before he glanced down at the sleeping bags in his arms. “I’m going to go put these in the wash. Excuse me,” he explained before stepping into the side room with the laundry machine.

Some time later, Arthur busied herself by cutting up some of the tomatoes from the vegetable garden Merlin had been tending for several decades. The heirloom tomatoes were doing especially well this summer, and the cucumber crop was finally producing some excellent specimens. The apple tree outside the kitchen window hadn’t dropped any apples yet, but Arthur suspected that within a few weeks, the apples would be ready to pick. 

The various leafy greens that Merlin had planted were also viable now. In fact, it seemed as though the entire garden had exploded with things to pick and use. And since her energy had picked up after they had had lunch and she had napped, she had felt inclined to make use of all of the perfectly good food out in the garden. Arthur was especially excited about cucumbers. 

Merlin had taken some of the baby cucumbers and had pickled them earlier in the season, explaining that they made for an excellent addition to grilled hamburgers. Merlin didn’t seem the sort to grill hamburgers, but she was learning there were many things about Merlin that didn’t make much sense. The pickle thing was just another one of those things. Arthur didn’t have the heart to tell him that she didn’t care much for pickles, but she loved cucumbers. Fortunately, there were a few growers that brought their cucumber crops to the farmers’ market and she was able to get her fill. But now, she didn’t even need to leave the property to get her fill.

For some reason, she had gotten the idea to make bread. She had never made bread before in her life, but after her nap, she decided that she was going to make bread. When she had gone to look up recipes online, she was dismayed to find that it was a longer process than she had hoped for. So, she settled for a recipe that didn’t require yeast, and at that point, the bread she wanted to make was less bread-like and more biscuit-like. 

But dinner was coming together nicely. She had her biscuits, she had her salad, and she had even done up a small quiche for the three of them. And, she hadn’t managed to burn the kitchen down, which Merlin would be pleased to hear. 

“What is all of this?” Merlin asked as he stepped into the room a few minutes later, as Arthur was putting the finishing touches on her salad. 

“Dinner,” she replied. “Would you take this to the table, please?”

Merlin wordlessly took the bowl and walked it to the table. Arthur pulled the biscuits from the oven, where she was keeping them warm, and tilted the baking tray into a basket, letting the biscuits fall in. She set the tray in the sink and then pulled the quiche out of the oven and set it onto a trivet. “Wow. You really did yourself in with this, didn’t you?” Merlin remarked. 

“I was bored,” she explained.

“You should really be bored more often.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Arthur asked.

Fortunately for Merlin, Gaius walked into the kitchen and smiled when he saw the tableful of food. “Wow, Arthur. You’ve been busy. What’s gotten into you?”

“She’s been bored,” Merlin answered in Arthur’s stead. “And she didn’t burn down the kitchen.”

The entire exchange was terribly domestic for them, and had Arthur not been starving, she probably would have thrown her plate of food at Merlin simply because he probably deserved it, especially after the whole Edwin-The-Sheep-With-A-Taste-For-Human-Hair-And-Quite-Likely-Human-Flesh ordeal.   
 


	7. Chapter 7

There came a point near the middle of summer when Merlin would, without fail, dream of babies every night. All sorts of babies—blonde babies with fat, rosy cheeks, babies with dark hair and bright blue eyes, boy babies, girl babies, twin babies, triplet babies, lots and lots of babies. One time, he even dreamt of quintuplets, but that had been an absolutely terrifying thought and he refused to acknowledge that he had actually had that dream. And of course, this would be when all the new mothers, with their babies, came into the shop. Merlin found it extraordinarily difficult to focus when Arthur cooed over the tiny humans, smiling and talking to them in excited tones whenever a baby came into the shop. 

Then, Arthur took up knitting. Well, she had actually learned to knit a few centuries earlier, but she had taken up the hobby again. And within a week of that starting, there was a stack of pastel, unbelievably soft, receiving blankets that she had made for some of the women in the town. Merlin had to resist the urge to take one and curl up with it himself while he rocked back and forth in a corner, trying to figure out what in the world was happening to him. 

Whenever they went shopping, whether it was for groceries or for supplies for the shop, he would quietly trail after Arthur, trying in earnest not to imagine a baby carrier in their trolley. He had seen the mail-out adverts stuck between envelopes in their mail. Apparently, the powers that be were aware of the demographic of their household and wanted to get to them before it was too late. Arthur would usually toss them into the recycling bin when she got the mail, but they easily distracted Merlin whenever he got the mail. 

But, just as Merlin thought things could not get any worse, he saw Arthur naked. 

It wasn’t intentional, of course. Not that it would have mattered; they were quite comfortable with one another and it had been one of those incidents where Arthur forgot to lock the door behind her when she went to take a shower, and Merlin walked in on her as she was stepping out of the stall. But, she was remarkably nude, and that was all it took to set Merlin over the edge. 

He became irrational about things. His mind raced at all hours of the day, intensified whenever he was within a 100-ft. radius of Arthur. He was jittery all the time, fidgeting and bouncing about as a means of ridding himself of this spell that had been cast upon him. He read books; he read through all of his spell books and reference books and, as a last-ditch effort of figuring out what was wrong with him, he turned to the Internet. 

The Internet was a scary place that never seemed to have a clear opinion about anything. Some sites told him that it was natural to feel this way; others seemed to reject the notion that it was normal for him to be this wound up about children. Some called it a biological clock, others called it baby crazy. But whatever the hell it was, it terrified him, and there was only so much time he had left before sizing Arthur up for childbearing would become weird. 

He read up about basal temperatures and ovulation (things he had learned as a physician), and the different positions that were best for producing offspring. He learned about all the different aids and apparatuses that people used in their procreating efforts. Some of what he found wasn’t nearly as emotionally scarring as other things, but generally, none of this put his mind at ease. It only wound him up further.

But they were nowhere remotely close to that. Arthur and Merlin were not the sort of people to go around having babies. Arthur’s genes, paired with Merlin’s magic, would produce some sort of a demon child that no one could ever control. The poor thing would go around, perpetually confused and probably ostracized. And it would probably and set fire to things. No, not probably… any offspring of theirs would invariably set fire to things. 

Then again, maybe they were close to that. Maybe this was the universe’s way of saying to Merlin, ‘Hey, have you ever considered impregnating the person whom you’ve devoted your life to? Perhaps you should get on that, especially since now you can.’

Eventually, he caved and he stole a soft receiving blanket from Arthur’s growing collection of blankets. It was white, ridiculously soft, and unfortunately, he wasn’t very subtle about having taken it. Arthur found him curled up under the small blanket that didn’t cover his entire body and laughed at him about it for three days straight. She didn’t take the blanket from him, but he became far more careful when he did use it. 

And it wasn’t necessarily a matter of it being a baby blanket. It was more a matter of it being a soft and comforting blanket that Arthur had created by hand, which if he squinted, Merlin could imagine one of those ever-present imaginary progeny wrapped up in. Much like the blanket, their progeny would be something that Arthur created by hand, soft, and in many senses, comforting. The man had lived far too long without anyone and now that he had people back in his life, he was keen on adding more people to that mix. If making friends didn’t do the trick, he’d just have to enlist Arthur to actually make the people. 

Frequently, he found himself in the guest bedroom. The room, as small as it was, really didn’t serve any purpose other than sleeping in. But of course, Merlin knew exactly how baby furniture would fit within the room and how they would put glow in the dark stars on the ceiling and how that room would be the most important room in that house, second only to the kitchen. Whenever Arthur was out and Gaius was busy during the weekends, Merlin would take a break from working in his workshop and sneak into the room. All he would do was lie on the old, rickety bed they still hadn’t replaced and stare at the ceiling, one arm under his head, the other arm free so he could fiddle with the edge of the white blanket that he had hidden under the covers of the guest bed. 

He really wanted a child. That was really all there was to say about that. The ache that filled his heart whenever he was reminded that it could be ages before that wish could be granted was crippling. All that time without being able to love, or at least admit that love still resided within him, had given him ample time to stock up on love and ways and means of expressing it. Now that he could, now that he could openly express his love for Arthur and how much he cared for Gaius, it seemed as though there just were not enough people Merlin could love. 

His customers were people he could love, but not to the same degree that he was looking for. Friends were another outlet for his affections, but again, it would take quite a lot of friends for Merlin to feel like his love wasn’t being wasted. This left family. Arthur was the primary recipient of his adoration and while Merlin still cared for Gaius quite a bit, Merlin felt as though there was an untapped resource somewhere between Arthur and Gaius. The more he thought of it, Merlin supposed Aithusa was probably the closest thing he had to having a child. Merlin figured that this middle ground between Arthur and Gaius must be where children would fall in. Aithusa was, in a very broad sense, his child. Merlin had called her forth and had named her. So, in a sense, he was her father. 

Dragons, however, were not human babies. Merlin didn’t dream of seeing little dragons flying around. (Admittedly, it had happened once. It was a weird night, Merlin had had a little too much wine, Arthur had been making suggestive remarks and jokes all evening, and he was pretty sure that Gaius had made oysters on purpose. But under any other circumstance, there were no flying baby dragons.) He distinctly saw human babies with soft, downy hair, little fingernails, and toothless grins. 

He wanted sleepless nights and to hear tiny, demanding squalls for attention. He wanted to feel like he was going to keel over from sleep deprivation, dangerously exhausted. He wanted to worry and panic about every little thing, to be overprotective and demand the very best for any of his offspring. 

But, in all honesty, it wasn’t really a baby that he wanted.


	8. Chapter 8

One morning at the end of August, Arthur came into the bathroom and leaned against the doorjamb. “My parents have requested my presence in Manchester.”

Merlin, who was shaving for the first time in about three weeks, turned to look at her. “How?”

“Somehow, they tracked down my email address.”

“Wow.”

“Tell me about it.”

She leaned against the doorframe and watched him shave. “Are you going to go?” he asked.

“I’m considering it.”

“Really? Why?”

“I think it’s time I made peace with the people. I don’t have to tolerate them, but I figure that if I go and see them once more, I can go without seeing them for the rest of my life.”

“Fair enough. But what will you say to them?”

She sighed and looked out into the hall. “No idea. I probably won’t tell them about us.”

He frowned at her. “Are you really still not comfortable with the thought of telling people about us?”

“What would I tell them? _Oh, by the way, this is Merlin; we’ve known each other for more than a thousand years… he apparently is immortal and we’ve been waiting to find each other again since the seventh century. Would you like a pie?_ Merlin, it doesn’t make any sense. Besides, then they’ll think that we’re open to having them in our lives.”

“Are we not open to this?”

“Of course not.”

Merlin sighed and wiped his face with a wet rag. “I get that you dislike your family, but at some point, you should probably… you know… talk to them. And I don’t necessarily mean small talk – I mean, really talk to them.”

“If that day comes, you will understand why I didn’t want them involved,” Arthur muttered as she stepped out of the room and ended the conversation.

Later that afternoon, Merlin found Arthur working in the greenhouse. The only reason he found her out there was because he heard music blaring but couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. He didn’t recognize the tune initially, but knew that he had must have heard it before. When he found her, she was dancing around, watering the plants and singing at the top of her lungs. Even when she was trying not to sound good, she sounded lovely.

Merlin realized she was singing along to Whitney Houston, and he couldn’t help but grin. She hadn’t noticed him yet, so she wasn’t self-conscious. However, Arthur didn’t bother with dropping the hose when she saw Merlin. Instead, she danced over to him and wrapped one arm around his back and pulled him up against her. She grinned wickedly at him and winked. Slowly, Merlin began to match her movements, twisting back and forth in their stationary dance.

They were getting closer to something, but Merlin wasn’t quite sure what it was.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry; I haven't abandoned this. I figured posting 2 chapters (maybe more) in one go would give me motivation to finish this off. 
> 
> Just as a side note, I have been hesitant to post these next few chapters because I am not sure if I have done justice in how I have written the story. There are certainly some awkward bits where inaccuracies are abundant. Please let me know if there are any blinding errors that you come across. 
> 
> Otherwise, enjoy!

Finally, in October, for the first time in ages, Merlin and Arthur were able to have a lie-in. It was glorious. Merlin had room to stretch out his legs, Arthur had enough space to stretch out her arms without hitting Merlin in the face, and they could both breathe easily. The morning sunlight woke him up, and sleepily, he scooted closer to Arthur, draping his arm over her. She felt different under his arm, and at first, he didn’t notice it. But when he tried to wrap his arm around her as he always did, no matter where he positioned himself, it didn’t lay the way it usually did. 

Slowly, he began to process what was going on. He let his hand roam, feeling around for what could be causing the obstruction. It became clear that the obstruction was Arthur herself. He pulled back the covers and poked at Arthur’s remarkably distended belly. When his worst fears were realized, Merlin clamored off the bed and walked backwards away from the bed. “Oh shit,” Merlin murmured. 

There was nothing he could do but to stare at her in horror. What had happened? Something big had happened, and oh god, she was going to kill him. This was it. These were his last breaths, and he knew that Arthur would be merciless when she killed him because he had gotten her pregnant, but Merlin couldn’t remember doing anything that would lead to procreation, and oh god… 

His hands rubbed at his face and he tried to remember as much as he could about the night before. To his recollection, nothing out of the ordinary had happened. “Shit, shit, shit, shit!” he hissed. 

She rolled over and sighed in her sleep. Okay, so she was still asleep. Maybe Gaius would know what to do. 

Merlin slipped on his shoes and quietly hurried out of the room. He skipped stairs (nearly falling down the last five steps) and ran out the kitchen door towards Gaius’ little house. “Gaius?” Merlin shouted at the door as he knocked repeatedly.

Gaius appeared at the door momentarily. Fortunately, it did not seem that Merlin had woken him. “Merlin, what’s wrong?”

“Arthur’s pregnant!” Merlin exclaimed. 

Gaius smiled broadly. “That’s wonderful! Congratulations!”

Merlin shook his head and panted. “No, no. No, not good at all. It’s very bad. Very, very, incredibly bad.”

Gaius frowned. “Merlin? 

His mouth opened to respond, but a loud scream and a door slamming interrupted him. “Oh, good. She’s up.”

“Merlin, what the bloody hell have you done to me?” Arthur screeched as she approached them menacingly. 

Of course, it was not nearly as menacing as Arthur had hoped because of the waddling, but Merlin knew better than to take that as a sign that they were safe. This was it. He was going to die. 

“I’m trying to figure that out,” Merlin replied in the calmest tone he could manage. 

The horror in Gaius’ eyes would later be something they would laugh about. However, in that moment, Merlin feared that they had finally found something to do the old man in. “I see your point now,” Gaius finally murmured. 

Arthur approached Merlin and started swatting at him, catching the side of his head a few times. He yelped. “What have you done to me?” she demanded. “If this is the result of another experiment of yours… I will kill you!”

Waving his arms wildly seemed to deter her hits. “Ow! I’m trying to figure it out. Please don’t become violent.”

“Merlin, I’m the size of a house! Have I somehow missed the last nine months? It’s a bit suspicious that I’m now presumably nine months along but have no recollection of the last nine months!”

Merlin was at a loss for words and Arthur was really too close for comfort. Gaius would have to take the lead with this one. And fortunately, he did. “Okay, into the house. No need to have Arthur out here, without shoes or a sweater.”

Arthur led the way back into the house and plopped down on the couch, arms folded and glaring at Merlin when he walked in. “Arthur, I don’t know what’s going on, so please stop glaring at me. It’s scaring me.”

“You should be scared,” she sneered. 

See, to someone who didn’t know the situation, Arthur would have looked simply adorable. Her mousy brown hair was pulled up into a messy bun and her eyes bleary from sleep. The thin and t-shirt she wore barely covered three quarters of her belly and her belly button, which was usually what Merlin had heard people call an “innie” had popped out. Her red flannel pajama pants sat low on her hips and matched the chipped nail polish on her toes. 

It wasn’t as if Merlin had imagined this sight a million times before. God, had he wished really hard without knowing it?

Gaius trailed behind them, stepping into the house a moment later with a book in hand. The kitchen door shut and locked behind him. He handed the book over to Merlin. “Start reading,” he instructed as he brushed past Merlin to get to Arthur. 

Merlin cracked the book open and began flipping through pages, trying to locate something that would explain Arthur’s condition. “What should I be looking for?” Merlin asked after a moment.

Without glancing back at him, Gaius answered: “Anything pertaining to pregnancy. We’ll narrow it down once we know more about what’s happened to her.”

Gaius settled next to Arthur and began feeling her forehead. He took her radial pulse on her left wrist. Following that, Gaius began feeling around Arthur’s neck, looking for any lymph node swelling. “Headache?” he asked Arthur.

“Nothing more than the never-ending one Merlin causes,” she answered quietly. 

He nodded silently and moved his hands to rest in his lap. “You seem fine, beyond the obvious.”

Merlin stepped out into the sitting room and continued to paw through the book. “I’m not finding anything Gaius. Is it at all possible that we’ve skipped time or something?”

“No, but I must say, you two should have done this months ago.”

Both Merlin and Arthur stared at him with displeased expressions. “I was kidding, you know.”

Arthur sighed and slid down the couch a little bit so she wasn’t sitting as erect as before. “So we haven’t lost time, to your knowledge?” she asked.

“No.”

“Well, I suppose my Catholic parents will finally be proud of me; I’ve managed to do the impossible. I’ve become the Virgin Mary with this immaculate conception,” Arthur joked bitterly. 

“Virgin is not a word I’d use to describe you,” Merlin muttered without thinking before he spoke or glancing up from the book.

She glared at him. “But it’s certainly one to describe you,” Arthur retorted spitefully. 

Unsure of what was going on between them but very much not in the mood to moderate a domestic spat, Gaius put up his hands. “I don’t need to know any of this,” he interjected. “Merlin, have you had any sense of there being a magical presence around here in the last few days? Perhaps this isn’t your doing.”

“I haven’t felt anything. Arthur, what about you?”

“I’ve only felt you and Gaius. Nothing more.”

“So, it was one of us,” Merlin replied.

“Would either of your magic be strong enough to do this?” Arthur asked.

Gaius shrugged. “It’s possible.”

Arthur snorted and brought her arms up over her head. Her back made audible cracking noises from the stretching. She let her arms fall to her side and her posture slacked again. “Merlin, where’s the book you were using last night to do the protectorate spells? You said that the protectorate spells were older magic. Maybe whatever caused this is an older spell.”

“But I wouldn’t have used it on you. That’s the thing; I wouldn’t have done this intentionally.”

“I’m not saying that you did it purposefully. Also, if either of you are capable of something to this degree, maybe the book would reference it.”

He glanced up from his book. “As much as I really don’t want to admit it right now, that might be the most brilliant thing I’ve heard in a while,” he answered. 

Merlin returned the book to Gaius. “Can you keep looking for something that might be pertinent, please?”

“Sure.”

He sprinted out of the room and retrieved the book he had referenced the night before. The book was on the nightstand on his side of the bed. Little tabs of paper stuck out from the top of the book, serving as markers for the spells he had conjured for the barn. 

When he returned, Arthur had left the couch and Gaius sat, running his finger along the margins of the pages, looking for spells that would help them. “You need to do an exam.”

“An exam?” Merlin echoed.

“A physical exam, to see what is going on. I don’t feel it’s my place to do more than I did.”

“More than what you did? What more would you have to… oh.”

“Yes.”

“How much of an exam do you suggest I do?”

“Palpating, visual, and anything else you think is necessary,” Gaius replied. 

Merlin set the book down on the couch next to Gaius. “I’ll go do that now, just so we have a better idea of what is going on.”

Gaius hummed in response and Merlin walked into the kitchen. Arthur was braced against the counter, her head hanging. “Arthur?” 

She looked over her shoulder. “Yeah?”

“Oh. It looked like you weren’t okay.”

“Well…”

“Beyond that, I mean.”

“Yeah,” she sighed. 

Arthur slowly rolled her neck and pedaled her shoulders up and down. “Just when I think I will finally be able to get a decent night’s sleep.”

Ignoring her remark, Merlin spoke. “Gaius wants me to perform an exam.”

“What sort of exam?” 

“Palpation and a visual exam.”

She turned around. “Visual exam?” 

“Yeah.”

“You mean…”

“Presumably. I didn’t care to inquire further.”

“Well then. Have you even seen one of these?” 

“One of what?”

“A vagina.”

He made a choking noise and blushed furiously. “Of course I have!” he whispered. “I trained as a doctor, you know.”

“Yes, but you haven’t seen one that was part of someone whom you share your bed with.”

“No, that’s true.”

“So…”

“Let’s not worry about that at this point. But we do need to get this over with so we have a better idea of what’s happened,” he said quickly. 

She straightened and marched out of the kitchen. As she passed Gaius, she asked: “Any luck, Gaius?” 

Gaius shook his head and they continued on their way to their room. 

Once in the room, Arthur carefully lay down on the floor and lifted her shirt up the rest of the way, tucking it underneath her breasts. Merlin closed the door behind him and paused when he saw her lying on the ground. “Why are you there?”

“Physical exams need to be done on a flat, firm surface. Don’t you remember that from your training?”

“Yes, but I figured you’d want to be on the bed.”

“No. Here is fine.”

He swallowed and got down on his knees. At first, he just stared at her abdomen, trying to make some sense of it. His hands were trembling and he tried to push away those damned nagging thoughts that kept pestering him about how this was exactly as he had imagined. This was not exactly as he had imagined, but it looked and, when he finally placed his hands on her, felt exactly the same.

“What’s wrong?” Arthur asked.

Merlin jumped at the sound of her voice. “Uh… nothing,” he lied.

“Merlin, is there something wrong?”

“No. Well, I don’t know yet.”

“Oh, great.”

“Not that there is anything wrong, of course.”

“Why are your hands so cold?” Arthur complained. 

“Oh. Sorry,” he muttered before he cast a spell that warmed them a bit. 

A lot, actually, because she jumped when he touched her again. “You know,” Merlin said while he reached over her to grab a pillow from the bed, “why don’t you put your head on this?”

Arthur sat up as much as she could and Merlin slipped the pillow under her head. Then, he went about trying to examine her again. But he couldn’t. 

“Oh, for god’s sake!” she exclaimed. “Merlin, what is wrong?” 

He let his hands drop to his sides. “I can’t do this. I’m sorry. I can’t do this. I’m going to get Gaius.”

“Uh, no.”

“Arthur, I can’t do this. Every time I try to, I freeze up!”

She grabbed his wrist and stared him in the eye. “I’m not having Gaius poke and prod around here again like he did when we were in Camelot. Don’t get me wrong; I trust him with my life, but I’m not comfortable with him doing this. So… you’re going to perform the exam, and you’re going to fix this.”

“Arthur…”

Using the grip she had on Merlin’s wrist, Arthur sat up quickly. “Merlin, quit quibbling, and get on with it!”

He was frozen for a second before he gave a curt nod. “Okay. I’ll do the exam,” he replied softly. 

She lay back onto the pillow and readjusted the shirt and tried to get comfortable on the hard floor. Merlin put his hands on her again and tentatively prodded around. Arthur shifted so that she had her arms behind her head and Merlin resumed his exam. There was no reason why he should freeze up during an examination like this. He’d done plenty of these in his lifetime and just because it was Arthur and they didn’t know why she was in this state was no excuse for him to shy away from it. He’d performed several emergency C-sections that were far more stressful than this. 

“Merlin, you’re not doing the exam correctly.”

His eyes flicked over to her face. “And how, pray tell, should I be doing the exam?”

“You need to really palpate it. You’re just poking me, and that’s not conducive.”

“Would you like to do this then?”

“I would, but I can’t really do that. Now, do it properly.”

“Arthur… don’t start,” he snapped.

“Don’t start what? Don’t start becoming concerned about the fact that my life is in your hands?” She sat up again and pulled her shirt down to the best of her ability. “We’re done.”

Merlin groaned and covered his face with his hands. “Why must everything be a struggle with you?”

“A struggle?” she growled. “Please explain to me how being a little alarmed about this is a struggle for you?”

“Arthur, we need to finish the examination.”

“You’re not competent to finish the exam.”

“Excuse me?” Merlin flew to his feet and stepped away from Arthur. “I’m not competent enough to finish the exam?”

“I’m freaking out here, and you’re not even trying to figure this out!” she exclaimed. 

The bed served her well as she pushed herself up onto her feet. “Once again, I’m the guinea pig for you and your magic, whether it’s intentional or not. I’m tired of it!”

“Oh, so now you’re mad at me because of the magic?”

“Well, look where it’s gotten us! A whole myriad of snafus that came from magic plagued my life back in Camelot, my fucking lunatic of a half-sister has tried to kill me numerous times because of who I am and because of the association I have with you, and now, the cherry on top, I’m pregnant and no one seems to know why!” Arthur screamed. 

“You didn’t have a problem with magic when it benefitted you! In fact, you’re pretty keen to keep the magic around, which is why I think you’ve stayed all this time. Why did you stay if you had a problem with my magic?” Merlin shouted angrily. 

“It’s not like I had much choice!”

“Oh, you’ve had plenty of opportunities to choose. And you seem to have always chosen me. So what’s changed?”

“What’s changed? Are you seriously asking me this? I’ve always known you were an idiot, but this is a new low.”

“No, Arthur, really, what has changed?”

She stepped closer and stabbed him with her index finger. “Everything,” she replied. 

“Really? Like what?”

“I’m not talking to you about this.”

Arthur headed toward the door, but Merlin was too fast for her. “No. We are going to finish this conversation.”

“Merlin, so help me god…”

“Arthur, what is going on? What has changed?” 

“I’m not talking to you about this.”

“Why not?”

“I can’t explain it!”

“Try,” Merlin spat. “You can’t pull the whole ‘Oh, I’m Arthur Pendragon—’”

The door flew open and Gaius rushed in. “What in the name of sanity is going on up here?” 

Arthur’s cheeks were flushed and her eyes were filling with tears. Merlin’s fists were clenched and his jaw set. It didn’t take much to figure out what was going on. “Have you two been having a row?” Gaius asked.

“Gaius, it’s fine,” Merlin assured him quietly, placing his hand on the older man’s shoulder to usher him out of the room. “We’re having a loud discussion.”

Gaius shrugged Merlin’s hand off of him and approached Arthur. “Whatever it is you two have been doing, you need to stop. We don’t need Arthur getting so stressed out that she goes into labor.”

Gaius led Arthur to the bed and gestured for her to sit. He turned to Merlin and glared at him. Before either of the men could say anything, Arthur inhaled and opened her mouth to speak. “If I do go into labor, it’s not going to be a living baby. Whatever is in here has never been alive or not human,” she announced quietly. 

“What do you mean, never been alive or not human?” Gaius inquired.

Arthur rubbed her eyes and sniffed. “It doesn’t feel right. I’m very good about sensing souls and life and I can’t sense any of that. It’s unlike any other pregnancy I’ve experienced. I mean, the closest thing I can think of would be when one of my sons was stillborn, but even then, I still could sense that there was a life in there.”

Merlin turned away from the room and rested his head against the doorjamb. Suddenly, he disappeared from the room. “Where are you going?” Gaius called after him.

“Out!” 

“Out where?”

“Out!” Merlin repeated. 

Gaius was about to say something more but Arthur coughed. “Just let him go,” she sighed. “He’ll come back. He always does.”

“But what about your condition? Did you come to any conclusions?”

“No.”

“Aren’t you the least bit concerned?”

“Concerned is an egregious understatement, but there’s nothing we can do at this point. We don’t know what caused it, and I don’t think we are going to be able to cooperate to figure it out right now. So, with that said, I am going to take a shower. I need to find a way to feel a little more human.”

She waddled out of the room and Gaius was left alone in their room, trying to make some sense from the situation. Dejected, he went downstairs and resumed his research in the kitchen. Twenty minutes later, Merlin burst into the kitchen. “Gaius, where is the book I was using last night. I think I figured out what might have happened.”

Gaius gestured to a closed book on the counter. Merlin rushed over and started flipping through pages. “AH!”

“You found something?”

Merlin lifted the book up and brought it over to Gaius. “There is a rip through these two pages that essentially tears the entire page in half. Same exact rip. I figured that out when I was looking up these spells. However, when I took the book out last night to go charm the barn, it was windy and I forgot about the pages being ripped. When I thought about the spell I used, I think what happened is that I started out with the right spell, but when I wasn’t looking, the bottom half of the page flipped, and because text is essentially in line with one another, I must have read the second half of the other spell.”

Gaius made a noise of comprehension. Merlin continued. “If you read the second half of this other spell, the wording is very similar, so because I haven’t used this spell before, I could have not noticed that there was a difference. Now, this makes even more sense when you look at what these two spells are for. The first page, the first spell, is for protecting your house, barn, car— well, the equivalent of a car in those days— what have you. The second page, the second spell, is for promoting crop growth. These spells are obviously related because of their purpose, verbiage, and relative age. What I think may have happened is that the first half of the first spell, the bit talking about granting protection, in conjunction with the second half of the second spell, which talks generally about growth and fertility, came together to create an entirely new spell, and it somehow glommed onto Arthur and this is why she is in this condition.”

“But if this is true, why wouldn’t it have hit you?”

“In this case, the fertility in question is feminine. Mother Earth, I guess.”

“So, Arthur is fertile…”

“And the spell glommed onto her. A fertile feminine entity that apparently needs protecting.”

Gaius nodded slowly. “I think this is a very plausible theory. However, this begs the question of what will happen to Arthur and how do we reverse it?”

“That’s the thing; I don’t know.”

“Oh, good. Arthur will be relieved to hear that.”

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a description of an internal exam of a female present in this chapter. I have researched the matter, but as I am not a trained professional, there are bound to be inaccuracies. Also, if such content bothers you, please feel free to stop reading where the line is and go on to the next chapter.

Taking a shower was an excellent choice; Arthur felt loads better after she got out.  She was still upset with Merlin, so she decided to avoid him.  There was plenty to do without having to deal with him.  So, she slipped on a sundress that had a high waist so it draped over the bump and was long enough so that she didn’t have to worry about being too horribly indecent. 

 

She finished the accounting for the shop, completing all the inventory and financial documentation that she hadn’t been able to finish the week before.  She managed to get a lot of laundry done; it surprised her that she was willing to do laundry.  The kitchen needed to be scoured and while she was at it, the cabinets needed to be organized since Merlin had installed the new ones but no one had actually been able to spend the time to organize them.  After five hours of cleaning the kitchen alone, it was cleaner than it had been in the years she had lived in the house.  Content with the state of the kitchen, she went to go pack for her trip to Manchester. 

 

It was nearing dark and she had not crossed paths with Merlin all day.  There was an uneasy peace that came with that. 

 

When she heard footsteps coming up the stairs, she glanced over at the clock.  It was nearly eight-thirty.  Merlin entered the room wordlessly, and dropped a box of supplies on the bed next to Arthur’s suitcase.  “You’re packing?”

 

“For Manchester,” she replied flatly.

 

As it turned out, her belly was a useful surface for folding clothing.  She had forgotten about that bit.  The folded shirt joined a stack of folded clothing inside the suitcase. 

 

“You’re still going?  I would have thought that you would avoid Manchester like the plague.”

 

“We need a break.  Besides, I’d get more fun out of strangling my entire family than by strangling you.”

 

He quietly moved his box across the bed so that they were standing opposite to each other.  “Gaius and I think we figured out what happened.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“I blended two spells that landed on you instead of on the barn.”

 

“You were trying to get the barn pregnant?”

 

He snorted.  “No.  I’ll have to show you the book, but basically, what happened is that I started out reciting the right spell, but the wind blew half of the page back—there’s a rip in the page that I was using—and I ended up reciting the second half of another spell.  And based on my interpretation of the two spells and how what I recited would have come across, the spell grants protection to a fertile female.”

 

“So, why am I pregnant?”

 

“I don’t think you are.  But, we will need to just verify that that is the case.”

 

“What do you think is going on then?”

 

“The second spell talks about growth of fertile fields.  But, the part that I recited doesn’t mention anything about fields or crops.  It simply talks about growth in a fertile feminine entity.  When I cast the spell last night, you were present, and presumably, the first fertile feminine entity the spell could latch onto.”

 

“So, instead of getting taller or something, I just got wider?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Great.”

 

She continued to fold clothing against her belly.  Merlin glanced down at the contents of his box and thought for a moment.  “Please don’t get angry with me and try to keep all comments to yourself until after I have finished what I am going to say.”

 

“What?”

 

“I do need to finish doing the physical exam.  From what I did feel, from my supposedly unsatisfactory palpation, it felt firm like a normal pregnant belly, instead of a distended belly from, I dunno… gaining a lot of weight or something.  But if you’re not sensing any sort of life, that doesn’t add up.”

 

He pawed through the box, causing a metallic clanging noise.  “What is that?” she asked.

 

“Midwife equipment.”

 

“Why do you have midwife equipment?  And just what sort of midwife equipment do you have?”

 

He pulled out a speculum and a headlamp.

 

“No.”

 

“We won’t start with that.  We’ll just redo the palpation and I’ll listen with a stethoscope to see if I hear anything weird.  We know a cause, but we don’t actually know what’s happened or if you’re in any danger.”

 

She tucked her clothes into the suitcase before she closed the lid down and zipped it up.  Hesitantly, she sat down on the bed and sighed.  “Fine.  But under one condition: if I tell you to get the hell away from me, it means, get the hell away from me.  Capisci?”

 

“Okay,” he answered solemnly.  “I understand.”

 

“Good.”

 

She set the suitcase down on the floor and settled into the bed.  Thinking more of it, she scooted toward the foot of the bed and dragged some pillows along.  Her feet could rest against the footboard and he could sit in a chair across from her and do the exam that way.  There was no need to make things more complicated than they needed to be. 

 

* * *

 

 

Merlin dragged a chair to the foot of the bed and just as he was about to sit down, Arthur turned her head to the door.  “Could you lock the door?” Arthur asked softly.  “I think we’ve scarred Gaius for life enough.”

 

He took a step back to the door and turned the lock.  When he turned around, Arthur was propped up with pillows, her feet braced against the low footboard.  Merlin sat down at the chair at the end of the bed and was grateful that her dress was still draped over her legs.  He was also grateful that her belly gave them a bit of a barrier so he didn’t have see her staring at him.  His heart started pounding when he saw her knickers on the floor.  He didn’t know when she had taken them off, but he knew that if he had been this way with other patients, he wouldn’t have made it through one day of being a doctor. 

 

“Okay, I’m going to start,” Merlin announced. 

 

“Okay.”

 

He lifted the hem of her dress and pushed it back over her knees.  Swallowing hard, he gently nudged her knees, indicating that she needed to open up a little further.  His knuckles accidentally brushed against the inside of her thigh and he was strangely satisfied when he saw that goosebumps appeared.  To his knowledge, he had never done that to anyone, especially not in situations like this. 

 

With the speculum lubricated, he carefully slid the cool metal device into her and placed a hand on her knee.  “I presume this won’t be news to you, but this next bit will be uncomfortable.  If it gets to be too much, let me know, and I’ll stop.”

 

“Go for it,” Arthur urged, her voice strained in an unfamiliar way. 

 

Merlin realized she was holding her breath and very tense.  “It’s okay.  You can relax.  It will make this easier to get through.”

 

She exhaled and he felt her relax nominally.  “Are you sure you want me to go forward?”

 

“It’s already in there.  Just best to get it over with. 

 

Without being too rough, he opened up the speculum and conducted a visual exam.  It was horribly uncomfortable for both of them and Merlin was disappointed when all of the discomfort was for not.  “Nothing looks different,” he explained.  “Would it be inappropriate for me to do an internal palpation?  I don’t need to, but maybe if I felt up there, I could get a better idea.”

 

“Go ahead,” she answered in a very small voice that Merlin didn’t like. 

 

He gently closed the speculum and removed it.  “Are you sure?” he asked her.

 

“It’s fine,” she assured him.

 

“You don’t sound like it’s fine.”

 

“Merlin, if you need to feel around in there, do it.  It’s better to get it out of the way now and finding nothing instead of waiting around and later realizing that it should have been done.”

 

“Okay.  Again, if it gets to be too uncomfortable…”

 

She smacked him with her leg.  “Ow!” he hissed.  “Fine.  I’ll get on with it.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

Carefully, he slid his index finger into her.  Usually, he could feel the cervix with his middle finger, but thankfully, his index finger sufficed.  He felt her squirm as he pressed around her cervix, which indicated that he was certainly feeling the right thing and that he needed to wrap things up.  As carefully as he had gone in, he pulled his finger out and using his other hand, pulled the hem of her dress down over her legs again. 

 

“Anything?” she asked.

 

“No.  It’s all perfectly normal.  I don’t know what it is,” he answered as he stood up to go wash his hands.  “Which is worrisome.  But, I think you should be fine to go to Manchester.”

 

“You do?”

 

“Well, I mean, if anything goes horribly, horribly wrong, that might not be great, but if worse comes to worst, Gaius and I can be there in a few hours.”

 

“What if a few hours is too long?”

 

“Let’s not borrow trouble.”

 

The next morning, Arthur left for Manchester, waking Merlin up with a light kiss on the cheek and a murmured apology.  She ran her hand through his hair and grinned as he woke up and registered what was happening.  She promised that she would call when she got to her parents’ house and that she would be back in a few days.  After that, Merlin thought that she said something about Gaius, but he was too distracted by how her dress draped over her belly and how he had to restrain his hand from reaching out to touch.  He didn’t think she’d approve.  Once she left, he fell back to sleep and counted down the hours until she’d return. 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

He dotted kisses along her belly, pausing to hover over her belly button. He rested his forehead against her belly and breathed in the scent of Arthur’s skin. If he was patient, he could feel a tiny foot or elbow press up against him, saying hello to him and asking him to kindly move out of the way. Arthur sat up and moved in for a deep and thorough kiss, and as Merlin moved in, he suddenly realized something was horribly off. 

Slamming to the floor was a really great way to wake up. With a groan, Merlin knew that he wasn’t going to make it through the next few days without Arthur being there.

He was baby crazy. There was no denying it now. His biological clock was clanging louder than Big Ben and now everywhere he went and there were children, he was reminded of just how much he longed for a child. It had never occurred to him that it was possible to be this broody. 

Merlin wanted a tiny person to look after. He wanted to read fairytales and nursery rhymes until he had them all committed to memory, never to be forgotten. In their trips to IKEA, he had found it hard to get through the children’s section. They’d paint the nursery yellow and have a mobile with dragons on it. 

Where this was coming from was an absolute mystery to Merlin. He had gone all this time without any inclination for having a family, but now, it was the only thing he could think about. And it drove him to the point that his jealousy physically hurt him. All those men (and women) who had children with Arthur… he hated them all. Even Gwen. Maybe he hated Gwen the most. Of course, Gwen was lovely and Amhar had been fantastic, but in this situation, Merlin detested the queen immortalized by legends. 

Gwen had managed to get a child from Arthur while Merlin had not. Merlin had watched Gwen in the last few weeks of her pregnancy, waddling around the castle, weighed down by the heavy boy that Arthur had given her. Merlin had told Arthur that he had returned to Camelot when Amhar was born, but what he would never tell her was that he had been there, in the room, when Amhar was born. He had caught the child as he slid out and Gwen went slack in the bed, exhausted from the delivery and emotional about finally meeting her child. 

And he had absolutely hated Gwen for her getting to have that experience. He had absolutely hated that she had something so precious from Arthur when all he had gotten were Arthur’s last words, last breaths, last hours of life. Gwen had gotten Amhar’s first hours of life, first breaths, and first words from Arthur, and it just wasn’t fair. He didn’t care how irrational his argument sounded. Gwen would have killed to have the chance to stand in Merlin’s place. It just wasn’t fair. 

It wasn’t fair that Gwen had had the most intimate moments of Arthur’s life and had been able to create that world with him. Merlin had always been forced to stand by and pretend that he didn’t care. He adored Gwen and knew that she was an excellent match for Arthur, but he knew, deep down, that he was a much better match for Arthur, and even though no babies would have ever come from a relationship between them, they wouldn’t have needed babies. But now, Merlin and Arthur could have babies; they could have plenty of babies and they could have a life like that. He could outdo Gwen and Arthur’s relationship by keeping Arthur perpetually pregnant so that there would be tons of babies running around with Arthur’s blue eyes and Merlin’s ears. 

And that was what he wanted. He wanted Arthur to be pregnant with his baby. He wanted Arthur to waddle around, heavy with his child. He wanted Arthur to give him those first hours, first breaths, first words, firsts of everything and anything, in the form of a tiny child who would be absolutely blessed to come into the uncommon family that they were building. Merlin wanted to witness Arthur fall (back) into motherhood as Gwen had when she first held Amhar, her eyes shining with all the love in the world and full of the promise to keep her young one safe from harm. 

The want was a physical pain. It clung to him like the stench of stagnant smoke that wouldn’t come out of clothing, no matter how many times you washed them. It pulsed through his veins, embedded in every single blood cell, pressing and filtering into all of his cells until it had found every last cell in his body. It was almost as present as his DNA and his history, and there was no way he was ever going to be able to admit this to Arthur. 

He was starting to forget what Amhar’s face had looked like when he was first born. Merlin knew that Amhar had come out with a full head of hair, curly like Gwen’s. His soft and unmarred skin had been halfway between Arthur’s skin tone and Gwen’s skin tone, almost the color of Arthur’s tanned skin during the summer. His eyes were blue, though instinct told Merlin that they should have been brown, like Gwen’s. He had fit well into Merlin’s arms, content to rest in the arms of the man who had last held his father. It wasn’t until later that Merlin made the connection. 

The only reason why Merlin feared forgetting what Amhar looked like was because Amhar had looked exactly like King Arthur. The sleepy eyes and scowl that Arthur greeted Merlin with in the morning when Merlin came in with breakfast were the same sleepy eyes and scowl that met Merlin when he went in to collect Amhar for the day. As Amhar grew older, the resemblance he bore to Arthur became more pronounced, and during the summer, Amhar’s dark hair would be bleached from the sunlight so that sometimes, if he was far enough away, Merlin couldn’t tell if it was Amhar or Arthur he was watching out on the training grounds. 

Merlin adored the child as if he were his own son, but he never allowed himself to openly admit that he thought himself a surrogate-father to Gwen’s child. That would have been far too close for comfort and especially since Leon had technically adopted Amhar when he married Gwen (another thing he and Gaius would never tell Arthur, and something that Merlin sincerely hoped that Arthur brushed off as codswallop), Merlin would have been overstepping more than one boundary. 

Merlin was tired of feeling like he would be overstepping boundaries if he expressed his needs or desires. They were always bottled up within him, messages in bottles that he couldn’t send forth into the sea, at the risk that they would be found and then therefore, he would be accountable for them. He never felt that he could be accountable for these feelings. He never felt as though his justification was enough to qualify their value.


	12. Chapter 12

The warm summer rain pounded on the roof of the house late in the evening as Merlin lay in bed, clutching the white receiving blanket to his chest. He had never had a receiving blanket or any sort of cuddly toy as a child, so he figured he was just making up for lost time for sleeping with the blanket now. Just as he was about to fall asleep, his phone buzzed on the nightstand. Usually, it was just a single buzz if it was a text message, but the buzzing continued, so he realized it was Arthur calling.

He reached over and snatched it up before the call ended. “Hello?” he answered.

“Hi, did I wake you?” she asked.

“No,” he answered.

An unexpected yawn attacked him and she laughed. “Okay then. Whatever you say.”

“No, I wasn’t asleep. I’m in bed though. Thinking about sleeping. It’s raining here.”

“Yeah, it’s raining here too.”

“How is it there? Not the rain… the other stuff. The people, I mean.”

She hemmed and hawed. “They really do leave a lot to be desired, let me tell you.”

“Do they?”

“I mean, they try, but… they’re so demanding,” she said quietly. “My mother is throwing me a baby shower tomorrow. A baby shower. With games and balloons and games. I don’t even know how she is going to pull this off; she said it’s going to be just like Molly’s shower, and Molly’s shower had an ice sculpture of Molly in her pregnant glory.”

“What?” Merlin laughed. “They do that?”

“If you have enough money, anything can happen.”

“Ah.”

“So, yes, that’s that. But Mum is a right old bat. Absolutely bonkers. Dad isn’t that far off, but at least the old man has enough sense not to throw an impromptu baby shower for me and forty of my—and I mean my mother’s—closest friends. Oh, just an FYI, if it ever comes up, I’ve told my family that I’m a polygamist and I live with another woman and three men, and we’re all lovers. The woman’s name is Ginger and we’re both pregnant right now, but no one knows who the father of either child is because it doesn’t matter who the father is; when the babies come, we’ll just pick one of guys to serve as the legal father but in all actuality, all the men are the fathers of the children. Oh, and that we’re naming my baby Moonbeam because it works for either a boy or a girl.”

Merlin burst out laughing. He laughed until there were tears in his eyes. “Moonbeam? Polygamist?”

“Polyamorist, I think, is probably the better term.”

“Oh god… what are you doing?”

“I’m trying to convince everyone that I’ve completely lost my marbles and make it so that none of them ever want to visit this weird world I’m living in.”

“Well, by saying that you’re naming your child Moonbeam because it works for a boy or a girl, I think you’re making a pretty strong case.”

“That was the goal.”

“So, you haven’t told them about any of this, have you?”

“They think I live in London.”

“They were aware of the fact that you were Queen, right?”

“Oh, here’s the thing: because my family is as irritating and ignorant as they are, no one really seemed to give a damn about the fact that Morgana or Mordred took over the government by force. All Elise had to say about the matter was that she liked Margaret’s look and that she had fucking incredible fringe.”

“Wow. I’m surprised you made it out alive.”

“Out of the house?”

“Yeah.”

She made a noise in agreement. “It’s an absolute blessing that none of them are dead,” she replied. “And I can say, I don’t think I’ve ever missed Glastonbury more than I miss it right now.”

“What about when you were in London?”

“Well, when I was in London, I resigned myself to the fate that I was never going to be able to go back. Now, I have a few more days here before I’m back at home, and I am certain I am going to lose my mind.”

“That would be unfortunate.”

“Yes it would.”

The line went silent for a moment. Merlin yawned and stretched out across the top of the comforter and wriggled his toes back and forth. He glanced over at the alarm clock and saw that it was nearly midnight. “Well, I should probably let you get going. You won’t want to fall asleep during your lavish baby shower, now would you?” he laughed. 

“Oh god.”

“You know, if there is an ice sculpture, you need to take photos and send them over. Gaius and I need something to entertain ourselves.”

“What about barn and the shop? Shouldn’t you boys be plenty entertained?”

“It’s the weekend, so no need to bother with the shop, and the barn is pretty much done as far as spells go, so we basically just sit out in the garden and watch how birds react to the spells.”

“You watch birds?”

“I should send you a video. It’s quite interesting. Especially when they crash-land.”

“You’re awful,” Arthur chuckled.

“I know, but believe me, it’s really great.”

“Okay, I’ll take your word for it. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?” 

“Okay. Have fun. Even though they’re all mental and have no sense of reality, do try to have some fun. I mean, is it going to be catered?”

“Of course.”

“Is it good catering?”

“I suppose.”

“Then at least enjoy the food.”

“You speak as though you have experience.”

“I enjoy food.”

“Yes, you do.”

“Do you think you could bring home some food?”

“From the shower?”

“Yeah.”

“I think it’s going to be a bunch of finger sandwiches and tea. Maybe a few gender-neutral cupcakes and sweets, but maybe there will be something I can bring along.”

“Gender-neutral cupcakes? What the hell are gender-neutral cupcakes?”

“Cupcakes that have gender-neutral colored frosting on them.”

“Oh, you were too lazy to pick a gender?”

“Yes. That’s why I told them Moonbeam.”

“Right. Okay, well, I will really let you get going now. I love you. Have fun, and I look forward to pictures of your ice sculpture.”

“Yeah, I bet you are. I love you too. Make sure you don’t hurt yourself.”

“Will do. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay. Bye.”

“Bye.”

He tapped the screen of his phone to hang up and he set it down on the nightstand next to the bed. With a heavy sigh, he curled up with the blanket again, nuzzling his face into the soft stitches and breathing in the familiar scent.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've upped the rating of the story because of this chapter. I'm afraid to report that it's as explicit as I can make it without resorting to clever euphemisms for genitalia. But hey, sex in a field... that's kind of fun, right? I promise neither Merlin nor Arthur will end up with thorns or burrs in their backsides.

Not even twenty-four hours later, a hand was combing through his hair. Sleepily, Merlin grinned and slowly opened his eyes. “You’re back early,” he mumbled.

“Yeah. I couldn’t bear to spend another minute in Manchester, so I left early. I’m sorry for waking you.”

“I don’t mind.”

In the moonlight, he could see that untethered adoration in her eyes. He let his gaze fall to her belly. “God, I wish there were something in there,” he said under his breath, too quietly for her to make out the actual words. 

Arthur hummed questioningly. Merlin responded by sitting up and pulling her towards him. His fingers wove through her hair and curled around the base of her skull as he went in for a slow, lazy kiss. He was thrilled when Arthur reciprocated, moving in and deepening the kiss. Her body was not entirely flush with his, but his heart soared when she moved close enough so that her belly was against him. His left hand moved from her hair down to the hem of her skirt and he slipped his hand underneath, letting his hand rest on her thigh. 

When they broke apart, they were lying down, facing each other. “Have I ever told you you’re gorgeous? Because you really are,” Merlin whispered. 

“No, you haven’t,” Arthur replied softly. 

His hair wound around her fingers and she scrutinized his features. The fine hair on her back stood on end and her skin prickled with goosebumps wherever his fingers moved under the soft fabric of her clothes. “Arthur, I love you.”

Arthur’s eyes closed and she curled closer to him, scooping her hand down to his ear. “You say the sweetest things when you’re half asleep,” she replied. “But that’s okay, because I love you too.” 

He chuckled and exhaled happily. Arthur grabbed his hand and gently pulled him into a seated position. “What’s going on?” he asked her. 

“Come on, put on something a little warmer than what you have on.”

“Why?”

“You’ll see,” she promised.

Slowly, he got out of bed and pulled on a hoodie. He slipped on some shoes and when he was ready, she led them outside. Merlin was confused. “Why are we out here?”

“The meteor shower!”

She had set up sleeping bags and had blankets at the ready. A lantern was lit next to the blankets she had arranged along with a thermos and two mugs. Arthur had even gone as far as to bring down the old telescope Merlin kept in the attic. 

Arthur plopped down on the blankets and laid back. “Come on!”

“Okay, okay, okay,” Merlin muttered. 

Merlin sat down next to her and slowly lay back next to her. “So, any ice sculptures?”

“No… but there were certainly cupcakes. I brought home at least three dozen.”

“Oh man… gender-neutral?”

“Not quite. Blue and pink. Pretty standard. They’re actually really good.”

“Anything else?”

“Aside from the atrocious amounts of gifts that we’ll never use?” 

“Sure.”

“No. That was about it. Cupcakes and a lot of gifts for a baby that doesn’t exist.”

“Shame. I was really looking forward to finger sandwiches.”

“I bet you were,” she laughed. 

Merlin felt her shifting against him and before he knew it, she had deftly moved so that she straddled him. She was sitting just above his pelvis and her legs were pressed flush against his. Her body rocked against him, and she curled down to his face. After dotting his cheeks and forehead with kisses, he furrowed his brow. “What are you doing?” he asked, trying to keep his voice steady. 

She backed away from him and tilted her head. “I thought you could figure that one out,” she replied. 

“No… I’m a bit lost. Sorry.”

“Okay. Do you trust me?”

“Of course.”

“Then follow my lead, and you’ll be fine.”

He realized what she meant and his eyes widened. “Oh,” he breathed. “Oh.”

Even though he wasn’t much use with her sitting on top of him, it wouldn’t have made much of a difference what he did. He was nervous and didn’t know what to do with his arms and the closest he had ever gotten to actually doing something like this was probably Freya, but he really didn’t think it was appropriate to think of Freya at a time like this. Instead, he wrested his hands from between Arthur’s legs and his torso and wrapped them around her back, along her hips. Approvingly, she leaned in closer again, this time freezing centimeters from his mouth. “You can touch,” she murmured. “It’s not like you have been subtle about your fascination with it.”

The ‘it’ in question wasn’t that hard to figure out. It was pressing up against him and it impeded his ability to breathe properly. Slowly, his hands slid from her back and hovered over the fabric of her dress for a moment. He refrained from pulling her dress up out here in the field despite the fact no one would see them. The fabric flowed under his fingers and added to his fixation with the bump. Her lips met his and they both wordlessly acknowledged that they had reached the point of no return. 

Her kiss deepened into him and she must have flipped a switch somewhere in his mouth with her tongue, because without any warning, something kick-started and Merlin knew what he needed to do. Absolutely no experience with this sort of thing, not even with one of the maidens back in Ealdor, not even with any of the men in Camelot who had made it blatantly obvious that that was what they wanted from Merlin, and here he was, responding to Arthur’s calls and sending out a few of his own. 

Fortunately, it was no longer raining and it was still rather warm (meaning it wasn’t nearly as chilly as it usually was, but it was hardly super warm) for that time of year. Merlin was certain that Gaius couldn’t see them out here from his guesthouse and if his memory served him right, noise didn’t carry very well through his property, so they didn’t need to worry about Gaius hearing them. However, Merlin did find something to worry about. “Um…” he said, breaking the seal with Arthur’s face for a moment, “are you clean? I mean… as far as STIs go, are you clean?”

She nodded wordlessly and resumed working a spot on his neck. That wasn’t all that worried him. “Okay. Right… and do we need a condom?”

Arthur sighed impatiently. “I’m on birth control,” she answered. “A condom too would be preferable, but I think we’ll be fine.”

This quelled his fears and he returned to that place of euphoria that he was only just acquainted with. He became a little more acquainted with it when Arthur reached down between them and became quite familiar with his… oh, he didn’t really want to think of it, but that was all he could think about. And she was being a little too familiar, he initially thought, as she worked at the waistband of his pajama bottoms and slid her hand through the fly of his pants. Once her (surprisingly cold) hand finally reached skin, he jumped and let out a rather embarrassing squeak. “Did I hurt you?” she asked him.

“No… no. Just a bit cold,” he answered, his voice still a few octaves higher than it usually was. 

“Sorry,” she answered before she moved off of him and turned all of her attention to below his waist.

At first, Merlin really didn’t know what to think. Having someone else’s hands down there was considerably different than having his own hands down there, and admittedly, it had really been ages since he had done that. He had had quite a few sex dreams featuring this Arthur quite prominently, but he had never really felt the need to masturbate while thinking of her or looking at a picture of her. He was certainly attracted to her; she was gorgeous and she was Arthur, but the attraction he maintained for her was hardly something that could be classified as ‘unbridled sexual desire’. She was the love of his life and that was exactly how he felt about her. She was the love of his life and he trusted, respected, and adored her and everything that she brought to his life. And now, she was bringing their physical intimacy to a much higher level and Merlin trusted her, respected her, and adored her just as much for it. 

But then she did something—and Merlin could never really say what it was that she did because it had caught him so far off guard that there was no time to reconcile what happened—that made his head go fuzzy and he knew that there was just simply no way he was ever going to be able to get up from this place in the middle of the field. She was just going to have to leave him here to spend his days in this fuzzy place of giddiness and pleasure. Whenever she or Gaius would need to talk to him, they would have to come out to the field. They would have to move the shop out here to the field. He was just never leaving this spot. He had become one with the field and that was that. 

When he emerged from the fuzzy place in his head, aware that he hadn’t actually come to an orgasm, but to a point very close to it, he found himself wanting to send Arthur to that fuzzy place too. That way, they could both become one with the field and stay there for the rest of time. Without really knowing what to do, he fumbled around for a few minutes, running his fingers across her skin, dotting kisses here and there, and trying to wrap his head around what was happening. Finally, he figured it out. As it would happen, it was on mistake, but once he let a finger slip a little farther between her legs than he had expected, her leg brushed up against him and Merlin realized that this was how it was meant to go.

And when he figured out what it was that he had touched, it made sense. He knew, from all those anatomy classes he had taken in his physician’s training, the anatomy of female genitalia and he felt horribly stupid for not figuring that one out earlier. But, he was a gentleman and he wasn’t going to let that detract from sending Arthur to that fuzzy place. 

He let his fingers brush against her in an inquisitive (if fingers could be inquisitive) and exploratory manner, letting them slide across the soft folds and bumps, taking in the sensation as much as she was. In anatomy classes, the labia had always looked different. Of course, Merlin was aware that not all females would look the same down there, but he wasn’t expecting Arthur to look so much different than anything he had seen before. For some reason, she looked different now than she had a few days previous, when Merlin had been doing the internal exam. He attributed this disparity to contextual differences. 

Even though an internal exam was horrible inspiration, Merlin moved away from her clit and slid another one of those exploring fingers into her. It didn’t seem to be doing anything for Arthur, so he leaned down and kissed the inside of her thigh, closer to her knee than her upper thigh, and she reached up and combed her fingers through his hair, making sure to rub his ear. “Don’t worry about hitting all the good spots in one go. You were fine where you were,” she assured him gently. “Don’t worry; I’ll help you.”

He returned to her clit, running his fingers around and toying with the flesh. Arthur was quiet, but after a little while, she started working with Merlin, pressing against his hand in varying pressures and moving up and down in small movements that, just looking at her, didn’t seem all that significant, but against his hand, were quite significant. Gradually, her pace picked up and without warning, she stiffened. Her eyes were tightly squeezed and Merlin didn’t quite understand why until he felt the clenching and unclenching pulsating against his hand. There was no need to explain that to him. 

Once she returned to the living, he grinned wickedly at her over her belly. “So… I’m a quick study, no?” he asked her.

She rolled her eyes. “That has yet to be determined,” she informed him. “The next bit is a little more involved.”

Arthur sat up and nudged him so that he would lie back. She reached under his hips and dragged his pajama trousers and pants down past his knees and around his ankles. “Okay, so this is a little atypical, and hopefully we’ll have plenty of time to perfect this once the obstruction is gone. We’ll adjust positions as necessary.”

Even though she was speaking a rather technical language, as if Arthur was describing tactical details to the knights, Merlin couldn’t help but find it attractive. He was even more nervous than he had been before, and now, they were really going to do this. He felt as though he was sixteen years old instead of almost sixteen hundred years old, and his heart was about to burst from his chest. Arthur slowly positioned herself over his pelvis and he took this to mean that he needed to guide himself into her. He wondered if they needed lube. These were important things that he had read about. But, Arthur didn’t seem to mind, and it was obvious that she didn’t seem to be in any discomfort (though, he honestly hadn’t the slightest clue how she couldn’t have been uncomfortable by this, and he wondered if he should say something before they hurt themselves). He saw her point about the obstruction and tried to think about all the various positions they could move into where it wouldn’t be an issue. 

The first few things that came to mind were the websites he had been looking at all those months before; the sites that he had been looking at when he was trying to figure out what was wrong with him. Unfortunately, most of the positions he could think of were positions that people suggested for increased chances of conception, and while that was certainly a goal he had in mind for sometime in the future, it wasn’t something that helped him now. 

He must have been thinking too much, because when Arthur started to gyrate against him, around him, he was taken back to that fuzzy place. And she seemed to know that he had gone off to the fuzzy place because she began moving in a more rhythmic manner, her hands roaming up and down his sides, her fingernails grazing at his cool skin. It wasn’t clear as to whether it was the cooling air or her touch that brought about the goosebumps, but Merlin wasn’t about to waste his time thinking about it. Arthur hit a very nice spot and he moved up to meet her. She chuckled and of course, that was nice and elicited the same reaction out of him. 

The wicked grin that was on her face intensified as she changed the angle slightly and he actually choked on a groan. “There we go,” she purred. 

Merlin felt an incessant urge to wipe that grin off of her face, so he bucked up roughly and she let out a shocked cry. Arthur moved down, grinding into his pelvis, and they continued their game of seeing which of them could elicit a greater response from the other. 

In the end, it was Arthur who won. Merlin later knew that he stood no chance against her as she reached down and ran a finger along the skin where they both knew was a trigger that she was about to pull (though, she didn’t actually pull anything, save for perhaps a few muscles since they had been required to be a little flexible). He admitted defeat with a choked cry and by curling up into her. And then he went completely lax on the ground. 

Arthur stayed on top of him for a little longer before she carefully moved away from him. She laid down on the ground next to him and pulled a blanket closer to him. He put his hand up and gently pushed it away from him. “No… I’m plenty warm.”

“Your pants are down around your ankles and it’s freezing out here.”

“You know how to heat things up,” he answered, cringing at how corny that attempt at seduction sounded.

She groaned and laughed at him. “I hope I didn’t shag your brains out. I mean, I was going slow, so now I’m scared to see what will happen once we start building on that.”

“We’re definitely going to need to build on that,” Merlin agreed. 

Some time later, they were composed enough to gather up the sleeping bags and all the other objects that had been tossed about while they were out ‘stargazing’, and headed into the house. Arthur took the sleeping bags to the laundry and tossed them directly in while Merlin staggered up to bed in a dizzy haze of euphoria and amazement. 

By the time Arthur crawled into bed next to Merlin, he was out cold. So, there really was a way of making him shut up sometimes. 

A few hours later, Merlin ran into the kitchen. It wasn’t morning without Merlin running into the kitchen with something to announce. “I think I’ve figured out what’s in here,” he announced. 

And thus the method that Arthur had found to make Merlin shut up had proven unsuccessful.

Arthur turned around and was appalled when Merlin pulled her dress up and dropped to his knees in front of her. He placed his ear to her belly button and braced her sides firmly. “Oh sure… by all means, just pull my dress up. Gaius should be thanking his lucky stars that I’m wearing knickers today.”

“You always wear knickers. And you can’t try and pretend that you don’t. Horribly impractical, most of them.”

Arthur rolled her eyes and stared down at him. “So, are you going to explain what you are doing, or are we going to have to take this to the bedroom?”

“Magic.”

“Such a simple word, but it holds so much complexity,” Arthur mused. 

Gaius chuckled from the kitchen table. “But seriously Merlin; what are you doing?”

“It’s magic. I don’t know why you can’t feel it, but you’re pregnant with magic.”

“Hmm… See, now that I know that, the name Moonbeam just doesn’t fit anymore.” 

“Moonbeam?” Gaius echoed.

“Long story,” Merlin answered. 

Arthur patted his head and tried to move away from him. “Okay, this is getting weird.”

He listened for a second longer and then stole a quick kiss from her belly button. “Sorry.”

Merlin pulled the hem of her dress down and stood up. “It’s weird magic, which actually might be why you didn’t sense it.”

“Weird in what way?”

“It’s new magic.”

“New magic?”

“You didn’t recognize it and it took me a while to figure it out; of course it’s new magic.”

“What constitutes new magic though?”

“I think it has to do with the fact that it came from a new spell and your experience with magic. You’ve been marked by numerous magical entities, and no matter how many times you’ve been reincarnated, your soul bears those markings. In addition to your soul practically being created from magic, you’re laced with magic in a number of ways, and because you were hit with a mixture of spells meant to protect and to produce, I believe the residual magic that you possess has gathered into an amalgamation that you are physically growing. You are growing magic.”

Arthur turned to Gaius. “Thoughts?” she asked him.

He removed his spectacles and mulled for a moment. “It does sound plausible.”

Satisfied with the answer, she turned back to Merlin. “I’m probably growing magic, huh?”

“Admittedly, I’m quite impressed.”

“Uther is probably rolling over in his grave right now.”

“Uther has probably rolled over so many times that he’s managed to drill a hole deep into the earth,” Merlin laughed. 

Arthur passed him a mug of tea. “So, it’s good magic, right? It’s not something Morgana would afflict upon me from the afterlife?”

“It’s perfectly safe.”

“Good. How much longer do you reckon I’ll have to gestate this magic before it’s fully cooked?”

“Well, that’s hard to determine. Usually the two spells used last the duration of one moon cycle.”

“Which is code for menstrual cycle,” Arthur interjected.

“I suppose that could be true.”

Her face fell. “Damn!” 

“What?”

“We’re going to be waiting a few more weeks then.”

“Oh.”

“Regardless, the next full moon is in a few weeks, so even if it isn’t contingent on my cycle, we’re going to be waiting.”

“Yup.”

“And how will this magic make its grand entrance?”

“Not sure.”

“I won’t explode or something, right?”

“If you start steaming, I’m sure Gaius and I will be able to step in and help siphon off the magic so it doesn’t overwhelm you.”

“Excellent. I look forward to working with you.”

As it turned out, there really wasn’t anything to worry about. Within a few days, Arthur was back to normal and Merlin was a little sad to see the bump go. But, it did serve as a very good starting place for them, and now that they were sexually active, it wasn’t entirely impossible to get that bump back. 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

It was nearly Christmas when Arthur mentioned her family again. “My sister is getting married. Again,” Arthur announced upon returning home from the store.

“Which one?”

“Elise.”

“Oh. Number Two?”

“Three.”

“Brilliant.”

“Yeah. This one is apparently filthy rich, so of course, they’re going to have a huge gala affair.”

“Wait. How do you know this?”

“How do you suppose I know this?”

He sighed. “I dunno, Arthur. That’s why I’ve asked.”

The look she threw him told him that she did not appreciate his question. However, she handed him her phone that had an emailed invitation open on the screen, and he scanned through it. “A New Year’s Eve wedding? Isn’t that cutting it pretty close?”

“Apparently, they forgot to invite me. But honestly, I don’t think I’ll go.”

“What?” he exclaimed. “You have to go!”

She eyed him warily. “Why?”

“Those cupcakes were delicious!”

Arthur laughed and took her phone back from his hands. “I doubt they’ll hire the same caterer, Merlin. Besides, delicious cupcakes hardly make up for the fact that they’re all insufferable bastards.”

“They might have an open bar.”

Her eyes brightened. “They might…”

* * *

 

Two weeks passed and Arthur was sweeping out of the bathroom wearing a gorgeous, floor-length, black gown with heels that Merlin had never seen before. Then again, the last time he had seen her in something nearly as regal as what she was wearing now was back in the days of Camelot, but he didn’t think that King Arthur would have ever dreamt of accessorizing his crown and chainmail with the sparkly silver pumps that Arthur somehow managed to balance in. “Will you zip me up?” she asked him, stepping into the bedroom and turning around for him.

“You clean up nice,” he remarked.

“Just think of all the fun you’ll have unwrapping this tonight. Hell, it will be a nice way to ring in the new year.”

“I won’t be there with you at midnight,” he lamented.

“We’ll make up for it in excess tomorrow. Besides, I’m going to be absolutely exhausted when I get home, so I won’t even be a fun New Year’s date.”

“Says you.”

She rolled her eyes and pecked him on the cheek. “Thanks, magic boy. Have fun with Gaius, but I swear to god, if you kiss Gaius at midnight, I’m kicking you out,” she joked.

It was his turn to roll his eyes.

Arthur left the house fifteen minutes later, at which point, Merlin jumped into action. There wasn’t a chance that he was missing this wedding, and there was absolutely no way in hell that he’d be stuck with kissing Gaius at midnight. So, as any well-adjusted adult male would do, he pulled out the tuxedo he had purchased the week before and stashed in his closet, got dressed, and headed out to the address that he had memorized in order to get to the wedding.

An hour later, Merlin was standing quietly in a corner, nursing a fluke of champagne that a waiter had offered him. Arthur still didn’t actually know that he was there, but he had put on a suit and tried to be as hoity-toity as possible. Even then, he feared his hoity-toity act was severely lacking. Elise’s in-laws were disgustingly wealthy, and it showed in the ostentatious demonstration of gaudy décor and food that wasn’t particularly tasty, but expensive.

The wedding was expensive for the sake of being expensive.

A woman dressed in a tight-fitting red dress approached him. She eyed him in a manner that he was not comfortable with. “Well, aren’t you fit?” she remarked. “Fancy a dance?”

“Uh… Actually, I’m waiting for my… er… partner to return. Gone to get a drink.”

“Oh? Who do you belong to? I’m certain I’ve met everyone’s spouse. I’ve known both the bride and groom’s families for ages.”

“I’m Arthur’s husband.”

“Arthur?”

“Uh, yeah,” Merlin answered, knowing that he was digging his own grave.

“Arthur who?”

“Pendragon.”

“Arthur Pendragon?”

The woman’s brow furrowed. “Like the legends?”

“Yeah…” Merlin agreed, stretching out the syllable for longer than necessary.

“Right then.”

Despite the fact that he felt like an absolute dolt, it had served its purpose. No wonder Arthur had taken up being absolutely insane in order to shirk the attention of her family. Despite this, he realized the alcohol was definitely making him a little bolder than he usually was. When he finally spotted Arthur, he cautiously moved around the room and sidled up next to her. “So, what’s your situation? You married?” he asked her cheekily.

She slowly turned to look at him, and Merlin suspected that if it hadn’t been him asking that question, she would have slapped someone. “What are you doing here?” she hissed.

“Okay, I couldn’t resist. I’m curious to see what these people are like. And they’re all… well, they’re all mental. Why is your sister wearing a giant cotton ball?”

Arthur batted at him, looking stern before she softened and laughed quietly. “Shh… she’ll hear you.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Arthur took her drink from the bartender and took a sip. “But seriously; why are you here? And where the hell did you get a tux?”

Merlin slipped his hand around to the small of her back and led her away from the bar. “I really needed to know where you come from. This is the only other chance I have at figuring out your life.”

“I understand that, but I’m not sure if I want you meeting these people.”

“Why wouldn’t I want to meet the woman who looks like she’s being eaten alive by a giant marshmallow?” Merlin laughed. “Are they all like this?”

Arthur nodded. “Elise and Molly have been at an arms race with one another in regards to marriages. It’s getting to the point where I think they just keep getting remarried to see who can outdo the other. The dresses, especially, get more and more… horrendous with every wedding.”

“So you’re implying that if Molly remarries…?”

“She’ll probably have to be rolled down the aisle because the dress will be too difficult to walk in.”

Merlin laughed heartily, not really caring what Arthur thought. “Have you ever thought about getting married?”

“Nope.”

“What?”

She looked confused. “I’ve never thought about it.”

“Why not?”

“Take a look around you,” she answered.

“Well, I mean, I can see why cotton ball dresses would be unappealing, but everything else seems kind of nice. Bunch of people coming together to celebrate a relationship, whether it’s legitimate or not.”

“Merlin, who the hell would we invite? It’d be you, me, and Gaius.”

“What about the people from the shop?”

“Well, maybe them too, but beyond that, we don’t know anyone to invite.”

“So?”

Arthur crossed her arms and tilted her head. “Are you asking?”

“Am I asking what?”

“Are you proposing in some obscure manner?”

He glanced down at his glass. “No…”

“I’m not convinced.”

Merlin looked back at her face. “Arthur, if I were to propose, it wouldn’t be at your sister’s wedding. I’d be a little more creative than that.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay then. How would you propose?”

“I dunno.”

“I doubt that.”

“It’s not like I’ve given it much thought!”

Her mouth opened and she scoffed. “Oh please! The last time you didn’t give something much thought, it turned out that you have been fantasizing for years about little magical babies running around,” she reminded him.

“It hasn’t been for years…” he corrected her in a flat voice.

“No matter; my point is, whenever you say that you don’t deliberate over something, it’s a sure-sign that you’re obsessed with it.”

He rolled his eyes and sighed. “Fine,” he began, “if you want to know, if I were to propose, I would probably propose at Camelot.”

“Camelot?”

“Yes. And I wouldn’t bother with a ring, because you’d probably hate it anyway.”

“I wouldn’t hate the ring,” she protested.

“You didn’t like the sweater I got you for your birthday last month!”

“That’s because it was neon yellow and four sizes too large.”

“I thought it looked nice.”

“I know; and it was the thought that counted.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Honest!”

Merlin smirked and resumed explaining his hypothetical proposal. “Anyway…. I would propose at Camelot, not bother with rings, and we would have a very lovely wedding, perhaps not as flashy as this one.”

“But why bother with getting married at all?”

It was his turn to be confused. “Because weddings are lovely and marriage is nice too.”

“Weddings are a waste of time and money, and then marriage is an entirely different matter.”

The giant marshmallow of a bride shuffled toward them. “Martha! There you are! We were looking for you!”

Arthur’s face fell slightly but Merlin knew that her entire body had tensed. She was extraordinarily well practiced in not letting the full extent of her emotions show. “Elise, there you are,” she responded cheerfully.

Elise wrapped her sister in an incredibly unnatural-looking hug. Merlin could see the deadened glint in Arthur’s eyes and tried not to make any indication that Arthur was not happy with her sister’s show of affection. Everyone already knew that Arthur wasn’t happy with her sister’s show of affection.

Elise glanced at Merlin. “Oh, hi there! Who are you?”

“Uh… I’m here with Arthur Pendragon. I’m his partner,” Merlin replied hastily, knowing that he would have to keep some continuity in order to stay under the radar at this wedding.

“Arthur Pendragon? Are you Alistair’s coworker?”

While he wasn’t entirely sure who Alistair was, he could be about 93.7% confident that Alistair was the groom. The name sounded posh enough for this event. “Uh, yeah.”

“Oh! Excellent! We are so glad that you were able to make it. Are you enjoying yourself?”

Elise was an interesting woman. On the one hand, he could see why she would be somewhat intolerable, incorrigibly obnoxious, but this woman didn’t seem too terribly awful. Merlin knew better than to trust this woman. He nodded. “Yes, thank you. Congratulations.”

Elise smiled and flounced away. Arthur stood quietly, nursing her drink. “What?” Merlin asked her.

“Hmm?”

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“You just met my sister and the world didn’t implode.”

He punched a fist into the air. “Yea!”

She giggled and rubbed his shoulder, her fingers moving across the rich fabric of his coat. “Honestly, where the hell did you get a tux? I’ve never seen you in a tux. I’ve never actually seen you in a lot of things, but never a tux.”

“Do you like it?” he asked her self-consciously.

“It’s nice. It will look better draped over a chair later on, but for now, it looks lovely.”

Merlin gaped at her when he realized what she meant. Arthur smiled at him from over the rim of her glass. “You don’t seem too fazed by the fact that I’m here,” he remarked after getting over the moment of shock.

“Alcohol helps.”

He thought didn’t think the liquid in her glass was actually alcoholic. In fact, he would go as far as to venture that it was only sparkling water. “That’s not alcohol.”

“No.”

“So when have you had alcohol today?”

“Oh, I haven’t. But everyone else has.”

“Ah.”

Arthur nodded and grabbed his hand. “Come on, I want to show you something.”

He followed her, repositioning his hand so that it fit better with hers. As they walked through the throngs of people who either seemed indifferent or ignorant to them, Merlin realized that Arthur was completely at ease in this world. She detested it, but this was still very much her world. This ostentatious show of wealth was nothing unlike Camelot, and where she felt comfortable was usually where he felt most uncomfortable.

They stepped out onto a balcony overlooking the darkening landscape. “Wow,” he breathed when he reached the railing and leaned into it.

“Yeah, that’s cool, I suppose,” Arthur murmured.

However, Arthur’s interest in the view was short-lived, as she was quickly whisked away by some nameless relative, leaving Merlin to his own regards. Merlin found out the hard way that it was not a wise decision to sit down at an empty table when you knew only one person at a wedding that you had undeniably crashed. This lesson was brought to him by the one and only Helene Pembroke, godforsaken mother of Martha Pembroke, when she silently at down next to Merlin.

She placed a bejeweled hand over his and squeezed his fingers. He nearly jumped out of his skin. “Dear, why have you crashed my daughter’s wedding?” she asked him in a voice that was so sweet and gentle that it had to be the voice of someone as wretched as Helene Pembroke.

“I… uh… um… hi.”

“Hello. Why have you crashed this wedding? Alistair doesn’t know an Arthur Pendragon, and your name isn’t on the guest list. Do you know how much time and resources went into putting this together, young man?”

He almost laughed at her calling him young. Arthur had told him that he didn’t look more than thirty-five these days, and it seemed like he wasn’t aging at all. But, this statement would not interest Helene in any manner. “I’m sorry, ma’am. My date is here.”

“Arthur Pendragon?” Helene inquired.

Merlin shook his head. “It’s a joke Martha and I have. We go around, pretending that she’s Arthur Pendragon because my name is Merlin Ambrosius. It’s a pleasure to meet you,” he explained, offering his other hand to shake hers.

Arthur was going to kill him. He was never going to see his home again because she was going to find some unique way of killing him. Those antagonistic feelings toward her mother were deadly for anyone who got caught up in the crossfire.

Helene’s face softened and she sat back in her chair. “You’re with Martha?”

He nodded. “We’ve been together for a few years, Martha and me,” he answered.

The name ‘Martha’ didn’t flow off of his tongue as smoothly as Arthur did. He did not care for the name Martha.

Helene, instead of shaking his extended hand, threw her arms around him and kissed both his cheeks. “Oh my goodness! This must mean that you’re Moonbeam’s father!”

This time, Merlin couldn’t stifle his laugh. “Yes,” he chuckled. “That is true.”

“And how is my grandchild?”

“Doing well,” Merlin assured her.

“Granddaughter or grandson?”

Arthur had made him swear that he wouldn’t give details about them or lives. Too many details only truncated the barrier between them and her family. He imagined Helene, who was clearly enchanted by the knowledge that she had a grandchild whom she hadn’t met but invariably made her a grandmother, would possibly die from the knowledge that she didn’t have any grandchildren at all. He had to keep up the ruse.

“Granddaughter,” he lied.

Helene shrieked and hugged him again. “A granddaughter! Ah! And whom does she look more like? Martha refuses to send photos, saying that it’s not good for the baby, but I have to know! Who does she look like?”

“Martha,” Merlin answered.

He imagined that any of their kids would probably bear quite a bit of resemblance of this incarnation of Arthur, but a part of him hoped that somehow, a few blonde children would run around rambunctiously, spouting off magic at odd intervals and accidentally setting fire to things. Merlin really had spent far too much time thinking this one through.

Though, as it were, Merlin realized that he hadn’t really thought it through enough when Arthur returned from wherever she had gone. “You told my mother that we have a daughter?” Arthur murmured in his ear as she sat down next to him.

“She asked.”

“A daughter? Really?”

“What? I had two choices, unless you had the undying urge to really make things odd.”

Arthur sighed and took a sip of her drink. “I always supposed you’d be more interested in having sons.”

“Really? Why is that?”

“I dunno. I can’t imagine you with children whatsoever—you’d probably levitate them somewhere or magic them invisible or something—so I really have no idea.”

“Magic them invisible? How irresponsible do you think I am?”

“Very to extremely?” she suggested.

“Great. I’m glad to hear that you think so highly of me.”

“Aww, you know I adore you.”

“But you think I’d be irresponsible with children!”

“Merlin, your obsession with Harry Potter is extraordinarily unsettling, you can’t manage to make bacon properly, you broke our bed simply for the purpose of getting a new one without even bothering to tell me that you wanted a new bed until after you broke the bed, and you had no idea what to do with the litter of kittens behind the apothecary—and that was after I told you what to do!”

“I will have you know that my obsession with Harry Potter is not extraordinarily unsettling—some people find it charming— and you like our bed. I can make bacon perfectly fine because at least I don’t set it on fire, and it was not simply a litter of kittens, it was a litter of twelve kittens who were all hell-bent on escape.”

“I told you to put the kittens into a gated area with their mother. You didn’t seem to understand that. And what makes you think that an infant would be any different than a litter of twelve kittens?”

“They’re less hairy and meow less?” Merlin answered.

Arthur rolled her eyes. “Regardless, I don’t think we’re the sort of people who should procreate. I’ve told you that before, but the genes I could pass along leave quite a bit to be desired and for selfish purposes, I don’t think I’d like sharing you.”

“But I would like to have children. Really. I’d be absolutely delighted to have you screaming at me whilst delivering, swearing at me and possibly throwing things at my head.”

“You really think I don’t know how to properly manage childbirth?” she asked him. “I’ve had plenty of babies to know that there are ways and means of going through childbirth and not being in as much pain?”

“I was being overly general. My point is, I don’t really care about your less than perfect genes or the fact that you don’t want to share me. I don’t really want to share you, but I’ve gone far too long without the creature comforts of family and a home that it’s high time that I get you up the duff and you start popping out my large-eared offspring.”

“God, you make it sound so romantic,” she muttered.

“Romance is for the weak of heart.”

“Says you.”

She glanced down at the plates in front of them, indicating that Merlin was probably the most romantic person she knew. He had already forfeited his sourdough roll because he knew that she absolutely could not get enough of sourdough bread. Plus, he had snuck into a wedding to meet her family. While the sneaking-in thing was actually borderline-creepy, they both knew that he was simply putting up a front by using such crude terms. If they were to produce offspring (key word, IF), there would be a series of unquestionably difficult moments for them, but it was also quite likely that they could do quite well with an adventure like this.

Upon the stroke of midnight, Arthur curled her arm around Merlin’s and leaned in close. “Okay. Let’s make some large-eared offspring,” she murmured in his ear.


	15. Chapter 15

Almost an entire year had gone by since Elise’s wedding, and after spending a rather busy day at the apothecary, Merlin and Arthur were hunched over a piece of plastic that would determine the course of their lives. A dinging noise came from Arthur’s phone and they both looked at each other before Arthur gingerly turned the test over. Merlin frowned at the test sitting on the counter. “Well, I suppose we could always try again. Try, try again, no?”

Arthur didn’t seem to find the adage as promising as Merlin did. Instead, she shook her head and sat down on the closed toilet lid. “Merlin, I…”

She hesitated and cleared her throat. Before she could speak, Merlin interrupted her. “What?”

“I don’t think I can have children.”

“What?”

“Well, I mean… we’ve been trying for over a year, and we’ve tried virtually everything…”

Her voice faltered on that point and Merlin wondered if she too had gotten momentarily distracted by the thought of the very strange things they had done in the last year and a half in order to whip up a baby with large ears and a prattish attitude.

“Yes?”

“Infertility runs in my family. I mean, it’s always kind of done that, but especially this time around. I’ve lost more babies than I care to number and those that I have been able to carry to term have generally come after long and difficult pregnancies. While it would be absolutely wonderful to have a child with you, I think we may need to start looking at alternative options here.”

“Alternative options? Such as what? Adoption?” Merlin asked, a little angrier than he had intended.

“That may be the best option for our circumstances. Infertility treatments can be rather costly.”

“But neither Elise nor Molly have had issues, have they?”

She nodded slowly, her eyes wide. “Oh god, yes they have. But they’ve always had money to waste on producing their genetically-perfect little clones to waste more money on.”

“Interesting that you use the term ‘waste’ in this context…” Merlin muttered.

Arthur ignored him and stood up. “Besides, neither of us have really ever been anywhere beyond Britain or the Continent. Why rush to have babies?”

“I’m not getting any younger…”

“Merlin, you haven’t been young in ages. I don’t see how this is to help your point.”

“Well, I’m not getting any younger,” he muttered. “And I want kids.”

“And we’ll have them. We just need to be patient, I guess.”

 

* * *

 

Later on that evening, Merlin was lying in bed, unable to sleep. Arthur had been able to curl up and fall asleep, but Merlin was too busy mulling over the discussion they had had earlier. They truly had been doing everything they could to have a baby, but Arthur had seemed strangely complacent with the notion of never having children. She didn’t seem too bothered by not being able to have kids, and she had just assumed that it was her who couldn’t have children. She had never indicated that she thought it was him who couldn’t have children.

A horrible feeling crept through his body as he came to the realization that Arthur probably didn’t want children. The feeling only intensified as Merlin remembered how he had dragged her into this weird adventure without as much as a “Hey, do you want to have kids,” or a “I’d like to have kids someday. How do you feel about children?”

And here he was, trying to knock her up, and things weren’t working properly and she wasn’t worried about that.

Arthur didn’t ask for much. Of course, there were those moments where she did ask for something, but Merlin would always give her the earth and stars, so it didn’t feel like she had asked for anything at all. And he knew that she felt guilty for all the time that had gone by for Merlin and was probably therefore less inclined to speak up if she didn’t agree with something, but this was something she needed to speak up about.

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

A few months went by, and Arthur came down with something that originally appeared to be the flu, but quickly became suspiciously like morning sickness. Thrilled and terrified, Merlin and Arthur rushed out of the house to two different directions in response to their suspicions. A few hours later, Arthur returned with her news, to be surprised by what Merlin had brought back. “Merlin?” Arthur called out into the house. 

“Up here!” he called back, his voice muffled by the walls and distance between them. 

She climbed the stairs and heard movement going on in the guest room. “What are you doing?” she asked.

As soon as she stepped into the doorway, her eyes widened and her jaw dropped. The entire room had been transformed into what she could only describe as an impending devastation. “Merlin… what is this?” 

He grinned at her as he stood in the middle of a pastel room that had been stripped of all the old furniture that had been in there for years. There was absolutely no doubt that Merlin was expecting them to go off and get furniture for a nonexistent child. Arthur sighed and leaned against the doorjamb. 

His grin waned and he knew something was wrong. “What?” Merlin asked. 

“It was a false positive.”

“A false positive? You took three tests!”

“The brand I used is notorious for this sort of thing.”

Merlin groaned and sat down on the window seat. “So… there’s no baby?”

“I’m afraid not.”

“Well… this was a bit foolish, now wasn’t it?”

Arthur sighed and went to join him on the window seat. “No. It is very sweet. A bit… presumptuous, but I’m glad to see that you’re certainly committed to the idea.”

“Are you committed to the idea?” he blurted out. 

She turned to look at him with a curious expression. “Sorry?”

“Are you committed to the idea of having children? Forgive me if I’m wrong, but you don’t seem very upset about this.”

“Upset about not being pregnant? Merlin… we talked about this.”

“No. Not about this. Not like this.”

He stood up and marched across the room. “Merlin, what is going on?”

“I don’t think you want kids. You’re just going along with it because you’re feeling guilty.”

“Here we go again,” she sighed. 

“Yes, here we go again!”

She stood up and went to go hug him. He waved her away from him and quickly established distance between them. “No. I don’t want you to try and comfort me. You’ve just been going along with this for the last few years and who’s to say that you haven’t been sabotaging this the entire time!”

“Sabotaging having a baby?” she echoed. “Why the hell would I do that?”

“You don’t want kids with me! You think I’m a freak or something! They aren’t going to have webbed feet or anything. Sure, they might have a bit of an ear issue and might be scrawny and get teased for that…”

“Merlin, if I didn’t want kids, do you honestly think I’d go to all of this trouble with the ovulation and fertility stuff?” 

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because you feel guilty.”

“About what?”

“Having your own families while I was left alone here.”

“I thought we discussed this already.”

“We have. That doesn’t mean it’s been resolved.”

“Fair enough,” Arthur replied resignedly. “But that’s not to say that I’ve been sabotaging anything. You don’t own me, you don’t own my body, and no matter how committed I am to you, that will never change. So, if you would like to go about believing that I’m just doing this as a matter of courtesy to you, go and do that. But if you would like to come to your senses, that’d be fucking fantastic too.”

She brushed past him. As soon as she was on the other side of the doorway, she turned back and looked at him. “I don’t know why you still seem to doubt that I’m happy here. I don’t know why you haven’t figured out that I have had a similar experience to you. Just because I’ve had families and have lived many lives doesn’t mean I was ever happy, Merlin. And if you’d stop and see that, even for a second, you’d realize that I’m not trying to screw you out of anything or prove that I’m better than you or whatever. I’m so sick and tired of you pulling this ‘I’ve Waited 1500 Years, and Therefore I Deserve to Be Pitied’ game that you seem so rather fond of. I’ve waited too!”

Arthur slammed the door in his face and stormed down the stairs. 

A few hours later, when Merlin went downstairs to see if Arthur was still around, he found a note telling him that she had gone away, gone to find herself, and his key.


	17. Chapter 17

The months that passed after Arthur left nearly did Merlin in. 

There was a noise, an annoying, persistent noise, ringing in Merlin’s head.  Slowly, he woke and realized that it was the doorbell.  With a groan, he rolled over and looked at his clock.  It was nearly three in the morning, so why there was someone at the door was beyond him.  But, because it was nearly three in the morning and there was someone at the door, he threw the covers off and rose from the bed.  

He shuffled down the hall, down the stairs, to the front door.  Before he opened the door, he turned on the porch light and peered through the peephole and saw that it was Arthur, standing in the rain, and looking hopeless.  Briefly, he considered turning off the light and letting her stand there. 

With a sigh, he closed his eyes and opened the door.  Arthur was surprised, for a number of reasons, mostly because he had opened the door.  “Oh my god… Merlin.  What’s happened?” she asked him, her voice shaky because she was shivering.

“What do you mean?” he spat.  “Why are you here?”

“Merlin, why are you old?  I thought you couldn’t reverse it…”

“I didn’t.  I can’t.  Why are you here?” he barked impatiently.

Her shoulders were slumped, her clothes drenched, and even Merlin, who wasn’t looking so well himself, had to admit that she looked awful.  “I had to come back,” she replied.

“Why?  Why now?  You made it clear that you didn’t want to have anything to do with me.”

“We’ve both waited over fifteen hundred years for this.  And as goddamn irritating as you are at times, I need you.  You have spent your entire life waiting.  I have spent every single one of my lives waiting to find you, and it kills me to think that I could be so foolish to walk away from something I’ve been anticipating…”

She sighed and wiped at her face.  “I love you.  That’s why I’m here.  I’m back here, groveling, because it’s been fifteen hundred years of wandering aimlessly, looking for what’s missing, and I’ve found you and it’s stupid.  This is all so stupid.  Fuck destinies!  Fuck them all!  Life would have been just so much easier if we had never met to begin with, and I wouldn’t have come across the other side of the coin, because at least then, I wouldn’t know what I was missing.  You think you’ve had it hard, living all this time alone, waiting for me to return.  Well, yes, it was hard, and I am so glad that it wasn’t me, but imagine what it’s like, coming back to this earth, thinking that maybe this time, it will happen.  Maybe this time, I will come across you and that everything will come together.  But no.  It never happened.  So, I made do with what I had, and I fell in love, I married, had children, and lived among people who I loved, but not to the extent to which I love you.  You never fell in love, you never married, you never had children, and you never lived among people whom you loved, and you blame me for that.  Fuck you.”

Merlin was sure that he had never heard Arthur swear at him so bitterly, but he supposed that she had a point.  He did blame her for that, and without just cause.  Arthur hadn’t asked to die. 

Arthur unzipped her coat and unbuttoned her cardigan.  “And there’s one more thing,” she explained as she pulled her shirt up. 

As small as it was, Merlin realized that Arthur was pregnant and showing him her belly.  His heart sank.  Clearly, in the time that she had been away, she had gone off and gotten herself pregnant with another man.  Now, she was here, showing off, and he was quite confused.  “So, you’re here to rub this in my face?  So you’ve managed to get yourself with child.  Woo.  I’m sure the bloke who did it is a real gent.”

Her brow furrowed.  But, seconds later, her eyes widened and she opened her mouth to speak, but found herself incapable of formulating words.  “Oh no… no, no, that’s not… no, Merlin, no, this isn’t someone else’s… oh god, you bumbling fool, you did this.  This is yours.”

Those impossibly old eyes of his lost about a thousand years as Merlin processed what Arthur was telling him.  Arthur had seen this expression on the faces of many of her husbands, and she was certain that she had worn the same expression when her wives had announced their pregnancies.  But what Merlin most resembled was the lovely boy whom Arthur had fallen in love with during the 1800s, whom she had married within weeks of meeting him at age 15.  Her husband was only a year older than she was, so when she told him that she was pregnant only months after the wedding, the only discernible emotion on his face was terror.  Eventually, that husband ended up being one of the better husbands she had. 

“Merlin?”

He was still gaping at her, his eyes locked on her belly, even though she had pulled her shirt down again.  The urge to reach out and touch, just to make sure that it was real, was overwhelming, but he figured he should at least invite Arthur inside before he started getting handsy with her.  After all, he suspected that that had been how she had gotten pregnant.  She must have gotten pregnant around the time she had gone to the doctor because she was feeling ill, but it was probably too early to tell.  Why she hadn't come back sooner was a mystery to him, but that was something to inquire about once she was inside and dried off.  

“Come inside,” he replied hastily, moving out of the doorway so she could pass into the house. 

She stepped inside and kicked off her wellies as she pulled off her soaked jacket.  The wellies and jacket were put to the side of the door before Arthur proceeded further into the house.  Merlin followed after her slowly, the shock still radiating through him and his old body only allowing him to go so fast.  “Would you like some tea?” Merlin asked before he headed into the kitchen.

“Yes please,” Arthur replied as she sank into the couch.

She pulled her legs up onto the couch and she settled into the cushions.  Despite the fact that the couch was hardly a bed, she was exhausted and appreciated how comfy it was.  By the time the tea was ready, she had fallen asleep.  Merlin set her mug of tea down on the table next to her and pulled a blanket over her.  They would talk about things further tomorrow. 

The next morning, Merlin nearly shot out of bed, hurrying to dress and prepare himself for the day.  As he scurried into the bathroom, he realized that he wasn’t achy and stiff, which meant only one thing: he wasn’t old anymore.  It made sense to him; he was going to be a father, and he couldn’t be a crotchety old man who was one giant ache and pain.  He couldn’t help but grin as he brushed his teeth and dressed.  Arthur was back, and even though it had been a rather rude awakening for Merlin, she had finally gotten though to him. 

After nearly falling down the stairs because he was far too excited to walk down them like a calm, cool, and collected person, he was thrilled to find that Arthur was still asleep.  Admittedly, she had had more attractive moments, but he didn’t care if she was sleeping with her mouth open and snoring loudly.  Perfection was overrated and there were far more important things to focus on now. 

_A baby_.  Good god. 

Unlike Amhar, this little one was Merlin’s and there was nothing in this world that would ever take that away from him.  Instead of going and painting the nursery and running around, trying to make the world perfect for the baby, Merlin decided that he was going to make things right between him and Arthur, making it so that their child, even if there weren’t glow in the dark stars on the ceiling of the sunny room, had a stable home. 

_A baby_.  Oh lord.

Merlin stopped and stared out the kitchen window, looking out at the fields outside.  He knew that Arthur would stay to make him happy, but there was something calling out to him beyond the confines of his property, beyond the confines of their little village, beyond the confines of the UK, and beyond the self-imposed confines he had established years before.  If their child was to be born into a world where his or her parents were both content with their lives, content with their home and their relationships, there was a need to leave the UK, even for a little while, and figure out what it meant to be alive. 


	18. Chapter 18

Whenever Arthur got domestic, Merlin fell in love a little bit more.  There was nothing more charming than watching her work at something, whether it was watching her wash up the dishes and step up onto the stepstool to put things away, or listening to her talk herself through a recipe.  She would adopt this very specialized focus that made her bite her lip or stand with her hand planted on her hip as she worked through a problem.  She would push her hair away from her face and sigh impatiently, but once she had it figured out, she would get straight to work. 

But in the situation that Merlin walked into after dinner one evening, after the dishes and leftover food had been dealt with, it wasn’t really a matter of Arthur being domestic as it was her being extraordinarily determined to take on more than she could chew.  Since she had taken on a position at a local health clinic, she was out of the house more often and was starting to get a little stir crazy with all the things they still needed to get done before the baby arrived, so it wasn't unusual for her to start nosing around looking for something, as she was doing when Merlin found her. She rummaged through cabinets, trying to find something of relative interest or use for her, and when she couldn’t find what she was looking for, she plopped down in a chair and sighed 

“Problem?” Merlin asked, strolling into the kitchen. 

She glanced up from the table and nodded.  “I’m so hungry,” she whined.  

Her right hand was absently stroking her bump, and the other was on the table, bracing her head up.  “But you ate.” 

“I know.  I ate a lot.  I’m still hungry though.  And I don’t know exactly what I’m hungry for.” 

“Oh… cravings?” 

“Yeah.  I think I want bread.  Not the bread we have though.  And not any of the crackers in the cupboard.  I don’t want biscuits or any of that.  I want bread.  Really, really, really… really good French bread.  I want French bread.  From France.” 

He snorted and patted her back.  “I’m not sure how useful I can be with that.” 

“Let’s go to France.” 

“France?  Why?” 

“The last time I was there was during World War Two.  You can see how that would leave a lot to be desired.”

“You’ve never shown any interest in wanting to leave the country.”

“No, but we’re talking about genuine French bread.  Hell, if I weren’t pregnant and liked vodka, I’d be insisting we go to Moscow.”

 “Whoa there… let’s not go crazy here.  France is plenty far away.”

And so it was decided that they would take a short holiday to France.  Arthur didn't care much for the idea of going to Paris, but was happy to travel to Normandy.  Merlin had never travelled by sea, which made the ferry ride across the Channel an interesting experience that Arthur wasn't excited to repeat on the way back to the UK.  Most surprising about the entire ordeal was the fact that Merlin actually had a passport.  When Arthur inquired as to why Merlin would have something that seemed so counterintuitive for the way he'd lived his life, he explained that he had had intentions to go abroad at some point.  

Once in France, they wandered around for a bit before they checked into their hotel, dropped off their belongings, and then went out to dinner.  Afterwards, they returned to the room and Arthur retreated to the bathroom to take a shower and get ready for bed.  Arthur padded out of the bathroom, wearing nothing more than a pair of knickers and a soft bra for sleeping.  She pawed through her bag for a moment before she retrieved a light nightgown and pulled over her head.  Merlin watched her from the bed, looking over his book at her.  "Fuck... you're going to be the end of me," he murmured.

She glanced up at him, the nightgown now on past her shoulders.  It was bunched up at her breasts, where she was poised to pull it down further.  "Pardon?" 

He grinned and shook his head.  “It’s nothing,” he assured her.

She let the nightgown fall to its full length and frowned at him.  “No, what did you say?" 

“Really, it’s nothing.”

“That smirk suggests otherwise.”

“Of course it does.”

It seemed that she had a quick reply to that, but was distracted.  Her hands flew to her belly and she inhaled sharply.  Merlin put his book down.  “You okay?”

“Yeah,” she answered quietly.  “The baby just won’t calm down.”

“Oh.”

Arthur walked closer to him.  “I mean, feel this.  I don’t think I’ve ever had a baby that was so active.  I’m starting to think that the baby is confused and thinks it’s a hamster on a wheel.”

Merlin snorted and leaned forward.  He placed a firm hand over the front part of her belly and waited.  It didn’t take long before he felt the child squirming around.  His eyebrows rose and he glanced up at her.  “That’s really weird.”

“Maybe it’s an alien.”

“It’d really add something to our menagerie, wouldn’t it?”

“Well, once you’ve acquired both an ancient sword and your reincarnated castle physician somehow from magic _and_ you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with a man who is over fifteen hundred years old and the most powerful sorcerer to ever exist, I mean, the most logical next step is having an alien child,” she laughed. 

He picked his book up and resumed his reading, thinking that Arthur would get in bed on the other side of the bed.  When she didn’t, he looked at her from over the top of his book.  “Budge up, would you?” she asked.

“No.  Go to the other side.  This is my side.”

“I don’t want to.  Budge up.”

“Arthur… no.  This is my side,” he replied.

“Fine.  I’ll just lie on you then.”

She got into bed and as promised, tried to climb on top of him until he couldn’t stave her off any longer, became exasperated, and moved aside for her.  “Prat,” he muttered.

“Love you too,” she crooned as she placed a kiss on his ear. 

With a few very clumsy and disruptive maneuvers, she wiggled into the space under Merlin’s arm and up against him.  Once settled, she was curled up under the blankets and as close to him as humanly possible without fusing their bodies together.  Her breathing was steady and almost exactly matched the motion of her hand over her belly.  In fact, she was so close to Merlin that even he could feel the baby moving against his hip.  “Wow.  That’s really weird,” he remarked after a few minutes of lounging there quietly.

“What?”

“I can feel the baby against my side.  Your insides are probably bruised or something.  How long has this been going on for?”

She shrugged.  “I can’t remember it starting, but it’s been going on all day.  Moving around helped calm the baby down, but obviously, there is only so much moving around I can do before I’m worn out.”

He closed his book and cast it aside.  With that ever-determined look he would get, the one that Arthur absolutely adored because it meant that there was a problem and he was going to figure out how to fix it, he reached down and tracked the baby’s motions with his finger.  His movements were light and exploratory, but gradually, he placed his entire hand down and held it there.  Silently, he calculated the movements and tried to decipher some meaning from them. 

Two minutes passed, and they could both tell that the baby was settling down.  Arthur’s eyes closed and she exhaled deeply out of relief.  “Have you just cast some sort of sleeping spell?” she mumbled. 

“No.  I haven’t done anything.  I’ve just had my hand here.”

Her eyes opened and she tilted her head up to look at his face.  “That’s peculiar.”

“Yeah.  Really weird.”

“It’s almost as if that was all the baby needed.  Just a bit of reassurance.”

“Of what?”

“That you hadn’t gone away.”

“How do you mean?”

“Well, we really haven’t had much time alone lately.  You’ve been working at the shop, and I’ve been busy with the clinic.  You’ve been falling asleep everywhere and anywhere you come to rest, and that’s not always in bed.  We’re really busy right now.”

“Ah…”

“See?  And now that we aren’t currently running around, not just crossing paths only here and there, this one has decided to calm down because it can sense you.  So, I guess all the baby needed was some reassurance that its father hadn’t gone running off somewhere.”

Merlin laughed.  “I sincerely doubt I would survive that even if I wanted to make an attempt.”

“Oh no.  You definitely wouldn’t survive such a stupid decision."

Finally getting some relief, Arthur tucked her head under Merlin’s chin and went to sleep.  He was secretly thrilled that she had finally gotten to the point where she was okay with sleeping on him.  This was hardly the first time she had ever cuddled up next to him and fallen asleep in this position, but every time she did it, he still got excited. 


	19. Chapter 19

They had a birth plan. It was going to be flawless; Arthur was going to have a natural childbirth at a nice birth center just outside of town, where she and the baby could get good care and still feel like they weren’t at a hospital, and Merlin was going to be there, one hundred percent of the way. Gaius was going to be on stand-by until he knew that the baby was born, at which point, he would come and visit them. They would even probably invite Arthur’s parents to come and visit the baby. 

But with them, plans never seemed to have any effect on the outcome of things. 

Instead, Merlin got a call one afternoon when he was at the apothecary, just about to close up shop, from a hospital in Bristol. Arthur had been in a car accident, as result of someone’s tire blowing out and striking the side of her car as she drove home from a medical conference. Consequently, she had gone into labor, but as she was also a trauma patient, she also was in poor condition and there was a serious concern about the baby.

And thus, Gaius and Merlin drove out to Bristol. Gaius drove because Merlin couldn’t be trusted to drive in his state of distress, as Merlin kept in contact with the hospital to check in on how Arthur and the baby were doing. Once they were at the hospital, Merlin paced the hallway, wringing his hands and mussing his hair. Gaius tried to busy himself by reading, but instead, was distracted by Merlin and his pacing. “Merlin, my boy… please sit.”

“No… I can’t sit. I can’t sit while she’s in there…”

They had been told that Arthur had been taken into surgery a few minutes before they had arrived and due to the nature of the surgery and her injures, Merlin was not allowed to go in, despite his protests that he too was a doctor and was perfectly capable of jumping in and assisting if need be. “She’s in excellent hands. The doctors here are fantastic.”

“It’s been too long. It’s been too long since I’ve been in there. And I know how this goes. I’ve delivered enough babies to know how this goes.”

“Then you should also know that the only thing you can do is wait. And to sit down.”

“Gaius… please don’t,” Merlin sighed. “I mean absolutely no disrespect, but right now is not the best time for this.”

Gaius set his book down on his lap and looked at Merlin intently. “It’s good to see that you haven’t changed,” he replied.

“What do you mean?”

Gaius smiled gently and slipped the bookmark into his book. “You’re still as devoted to Arthur as ever.”

“Of course I am.”

“Don’t ever lose that. I doubt you ever could, but no matter what, don’t lose it.”

“The devotion?”

“Yes.”

Merlin sat down next to Gaius and sighed deeply. “What if she dies?”

Gaius put his hand on Merlin’s shoulder and smiled sadly. “Then I’d say the universe has a personal vendetta against you. But, let’s not think of that. Positivity is important, especially now. No matter how difficult it may seem to be positive, you need to try and focus your energies towards Arthur and the baby.” Gaius had a point, but it did very little to help quell Merlin’s fears about losing Arthur and their child. 

Eventually, Merlin allowed himself to relax marginally, to the point where he was able to sit and stare at his hands without feeling the urge to sprint into the operating room and take over the entire surgery himself. It would be another hour before someone came to tell him that the surgery was a success and that he was a father. It would be another forty-five minutes before he could go see Arthur and the baby. 

The nurse came and led him back to a private recovery room before she left them alone. Nervously, Merlin approached Arthur and the baby. “Hi,” he said softly. 

Arthur looked awful. Merlin had seen her in worse states and he had experience with delivering babies, so there really was no reason for him to expect that Arthur would look fabulous after going through the traumatic delivery in addition to the injuries from the car accident. Maybe he was just used to Arthur pulling through quicker than expected. 

“Hi,” she replied with a broad grin. 

Merlin didn’t realize just how much Arthur was connected to (or how much of an ordeal she had been through) until she tried to adjust the baby to show Merlin what they had created. There was an IV taped to the top of her left hand, heart monitor pads on her chest, and she had a nasal cannula in her nose. It was obvious that a nurse had set the baby down in her arms and had adjusted everything accordingly and that Arthur hadn’t had much involvement in getting the baby there. 

“Here, I don’t want you to pull any of this out,” Merlin said as he began to gently rearrange the tubes and wires. 

The baby in Arthur’s arms was tightly swaddled and wearing a cap, but as Merlin glanced down at the bundle, he could tell that the baby had a full head of hair. It occurred to him that he had no idea whether he had a son or a daughter, and neither the blanket nor the cap was helpful. But, the baby was in a better position for Arthur to hand the bundle over, and Merlin could always ask.

Arthur lifted her arms, indicating that Merlin could take the baby if he wanted. He swooped in and placed his hands where Arthur’s arms were not, and started to lift the tiny child. “How are you feeling?” he asked. 

Arthur moved her hand to support the infant’s head, and Merlin was reminded to move his hand similarly. It really had been a while since he’d held a newborn, let alone a newborn this small. The last time he had delivered a child, he had had an assistant who had handled everything after the delivery. He hadn’t had much to do in regard to carrying or holding the child. And that had been nearly fifty years ago, in a hospital in Bath. 

“I’m fine. Wretchedly sore and incredibly tired, but I’m… I’m fine,” she sighed as she laid back against the pillows. He knew she was lying and incredibly drugged up from both the anesthetics and the analgesics, but he knew better than to call her out on it. The doctor had explained that she would need another surgery to reset her leg after the swelling went down, so it was likely that she was in more pain than her body could process at the moment. 

However, in that moment, there were more important things to focus on than trying to get Arthur to acknowledge her pain. Merlin stood, cradling the impossibly tiny person with unpracticed hands. His left hand supported the baby’s body, while his right hand supported the head. And short of unwrapping the baby and trying to figure it out that way, he could not tell if he was holding his son or his daughter. One of the nurses should have said something. “Um… is it a boy, or a girl?” he finally stammered.

Arthur grinned as best as she could. “They didn’t tell you?” she asked.

He shook his head and she laughed. “That would be your son,” Arthur informed him. “And by the looks of it, he’s already gotten your hair.”

A little boy. By no means an Amhar, but god, he was gorgeous. As he looked at him again, Merlin could see that he already had his mother’s nose, his mother’s eyes, and of course, his hair. Other features, such as his chin and cheekbones, would become more prominent as he got older, but for now, he was perfect. Much like Arthur, the baby looked tired. It had been a long day for everyone, but there would always be a story to tell from it. 

“Doesn’t look like he got my ears though. How fortuitous of him,” Merlin mused as he admired just how tiny he was. 

Arthur sighed and closed her eyes. “Is Gaius here?” she murmured.

“Yup. Outside. Can he come in?”

She hummed in reply and let her head loll to the side. “I think he should meet him.”

“I’ll go let him know.”

Merlin couldn’t wipe the goofy grin off his face.


	20. Chapter 20

Day two was a little easier for the new parents. Arthur had regained a lot of strength and was more rested than she had been the day before. It seemed as though the baby needed to be attached to her breasts nearly constantly, but after going through the madness with his delivery and being in the hospital, this was a welcome change. 

The little boy was quite small. Merlin wanted to weigh him on one of the spare apothecary scales he had in his workroom at the house, but knew from the vitals that the hospital had collected that the baby weighed in at five pounds even. His dark hair rivaled Merlin’s when it came to untidiness, and his only visible talent was being very good at sleeping. The baby didn’t have a preferential parent (except when he was hungry, and Arthur was the only thing whose existence the child would acknowledge since most things, especially Merlin, did not possess mammary glands) and would sleep on either parent. He was even fine sleeping on Gaius. 

Day three rolled around and they were settling in even more. “What about Harry?” Arthur asked that morning while she scarfed down scrambled eggs with one hand and cradled the nursing baby with the other. 

“Harry? Don’t you think that’s a bit on the nose?”

“He does look like Harry Potter. A bit.”

“Not the eyes.”

“No, not the eyes. I’m not saying he is Harry Potter.”

“Harry?” Gaius asked. “Harold seems more fitting.”

“We might all be ancient, but we’re not that ancient, Gaius,” Arthur laughed. 

“You asked me for name suggestions.”

“I know. And we appreciate it.”

“What’s this deal with Moonbeam?” Gaius added after a moment of pause. 

Arthur chuckled when she remembered that she and Merlin had been joking about the name for the last few months but hadn't let Gaius in on the joke.. “It’s what my family think the baby’s name is.”

“You’ve contacted them?”

“Oh god no. When I was in Manchester, they were asking me what we were going to name the baby. This, of course, was before there actually was a baby in there, and I was determined to be as obscure and difficult as possible. So, in order to make them avoid me, I told them that the baby was going to be named Moonbeam…”

“Because it works for either gender,” Merlin added. 

He glanced up at Arthur, who was a bit miffed. “Sorry,” he apologized sheepishly. “It’s my favorite bit of the story.”

Gaius mulled over this point for a moment. “Your parents believe that their grandson is named Moonbeam?”

“My parents believe that my child—a child that they think is a girl—would be named Moonbeam. They will never be his grandparents.”

“But they’re your parents.”

“My parents are Igraine and Uther Pendragon. Those fools are simply surrogates. Hell, you’re more of a grandparent than any of my parents could ever be,” Arthur remarked. 

The baby broke the seal against her breast and as discreetly as possible, Arthur adjusted herself and redressed. Gaius smiled warmly. “You consider me to be his grandfather?” he asked.

Merlin grinned. “Someone has to be the voice of reason around here. May as well be you,” he replied.

The older man could barely contain his tears of joy. 

 

 


	21. Chapter 21

Merlin quickly found that his favorite time of day was actually dawn. 

They’d all seen a lot of dawns since Harry had come along, and because Arthur now expressed her breast milk for situations like this, early morning when Harry was awake and Arthur was too tired to be up with him, Merlin volunteered to be up that early with Harry. But he really didn’t mind. 

The house was quiet at dawn. There had been many years when the house had been quiet, but this sort of quiet was different. It was a warm quiet, a comfortable quiet, instead of the cold, empty silence that had seeped through the walls and invaded the air, causing a sort of vacuum of the house. 

At five AM, on the dot, every morning, Harry would make a little noise that announced that he was awake. Merlin would slip out of bed and lift the baby out of his cot. Because it was chilly in the morning, Merlin would wrap Harry in one of the blankets that Arthur’s family had given her in the baby shower. They hadn’t actually expected that any of those things would be useful, but they were.

Harry would rest his head against Merlin’s shoulder and snuggle into whatever blanket he had been wrapped in. He was clearly not a morning person, but when he was hungry, he was willing to be awake. 

One morning in particular, when Harry was about seven weeks old, they went through the morning routine of getting up, going downstairs, heating up a bottle of milk, and walking through the house, but Merlin found himself wondering of maybe Harry would be able to communicate with dragons, if they still existed. 

The thought had not crossed his mind. He glanced down at his son and listened to the suckling noises he was making. It still hadn’t quite settled with Merlin that Harry was his and Harry was there to stay. His abrupt arrival had left them shaken and focused only on him, not on the bigger picture. But yes, Harry was here to stay and if his headful of dark, messy hair was any indication, he was very much Merlin’s son. 

So, by that logic, Harry could be able to communicate with dragons. 

Merlin, being far more curious than Arthur was usually comfortable with, wrapped Harry up in the closest blanket to them, coincidentally enough, the white blanket that Merlin had pilfered long before any of this had happened, and they headed outside to enjoy the early morning calm while Arthur still slept upstairs. 

These were the mornings worth waiting 1500 years for.  
 


	22. Chapter 22

Arthur found that her favorite time of day was not morning, but rather, early evening. 

It had started one evening when she heard noise coming from their room. When she quietly peered in, she saw Merlin and Harry on the bed. Merlin was sitting against the headboard, pillows stuck behind him, and Harry was sitting in his lap. The little boy, who was nearly two months old at that point, looked to be almost asleep but content to be on his father’s lap. Merlin was reading to him. “You’re a wizard, Harry,” Merlin read in a gruff voice that Arthur took to be an impression of Hagrid. 

She tried not to laugh at his poor impression. Eventually, she couldn’t help it and she started giggling. “How long have you been waiting to say that to him?”

He jerked his head toward the door. “How long have you been there?” he asked her.

“You’re a wizard, Harry,” she mocked. 

Merlin’s ears went pink and he tried to pass it off as nothing. “Hey now. Reading is important.”

Arthur walked into the room and climbed onto the bed next to them. “I know, I know. I have to admit; I’m a bit jealous. You never read to me.”

“I think you’d throw the book at me if I tried.”

“Hmm… fair point. I probably would.”

Harry turned his head to look at Arthur. She smiled at him and reached out for one of his little hands. “Should your father keep his day job? His impressions aren’t very good, are they?” 

The little boy looked at her solemnly. It was almost as if Merlin was looking at her. And then she glanced up at Merlin and realized he was giving her the same look. “Oh god… I really did produce a clone of you, didn’t I?”

“I dunno,” he replied. “I think his personality is entirely yours.”

Harry sighed and relaxed further. His chest rose and fell drastically with each breath he took. It was obvious that he was dangerously close to drifting off to sleep. “Do you want me to put him to bed?” she asked Merlin.

“Nah, I got it. I think Harry Potter was a bit tedious for him.”

“Why are you reading Harry Potter to him?” 

“I’m changing all of the inaccuracies.”

“Okay…”

And with that, the conversation was done.   
 


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay; I've gone and rewritten large parts of the story, so when mixed with the fact that I have very little free time these days to write, it's difficult remembering what part comes when. Enjoy this quick little interlude!

Merlin adored Harry. 

He had to keep reminding himself of that. He adored his son, his beautiful and precious little son who had a dearth of talents, mostly on how to keep his parents awake at night, but regardless, Harry was a precious gem. Merlin loved his son. 

But there were just some mornings after very long nights when Merlin sincerely questioned his sanity and wondered how the hell he was going to make it through another day of a screaming infant who could go from being as cute as a button and a complete demon the next second. They were becoming more and more convinced that these rough nights were evidence of Harry having magic, but without any real means of confirming this, Arthur and Merlin were left to their own devices of trying to get the baby to sleep through the night. Merlin wished that his mother were still alive so she could lend any advice on how to raise children because Helena Pembroke was effectively useless. 

After a particularly nasty run-in with Harry's screaming the night before, Merlin staggered downstairs, pulling on the first jumper he could find in the wardrobe. He shuffled into the kitchen and was met with a few looks. Gaius’ eyebrows were raised in surprise, and Arthur smiled gently at him. “You know, that’s a really good color on you. And the neckline reminds me a bit of the neckerchief you used to wear,” she remarked.

“What?” he asked.

He glanced down at himself and realized that he was wearing a bright fuchsia jumper with a loose and flowy neckline. “Oh good grief,” he muttered. “I must have been in your wardrobe.”

“Again, by the way. The shirt you wore yesterday was mine as well. I don’t have a problem with you wearing my stuff; lord knows you’ve got the figure for it, but just make sure you don’t stain anything.”

“I’m not a cross-dresser, Arthur.”

He pulled the jumper off over his head and left the room. Arthur threw a few catcalls after him, which made him spun around and scowl disapprovingly at her. “You’re the mother of a young child! Shouldn’t you be a little more decent than that?”

Arthur chuckled and winked. “How do you think we ended up with him?” she called after him. 

He would have made an obscene gesture, but because Arthur was holding the baby and Gaius probably wouldn’t have appreciated their special way of expressing their love, he refrained.

With a sigh, Merlin looked around the kitchen and briefly considered not changing his shirt because he was too tired to really give a damn before he shuffled out of the kitchen to go retrieve one of his own, non-flowy, non-fuschia, shirts.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that I keep going MIA between my infrequent updates. Since I've last updated, I've had to focus my attention elsewhere, so I haven't been able to finish this up as quickly as I had hoped. It will be complete in a couple of chapters, which I hope to have posted in the next week or so.

The next three years seemed to go by at the speed of light. Arthur and Merlin were now working both at the apothecary and at the local health clinic in town, and Harry was about to start nursery school. Their family was doing very well, except for Arthur. 

Merlin poked his head into the bathroom. “This is the fourteenth day you’ve been sick,” he remarked. 

“I know,” Arthur moaned into the toilet.

“Will you please just take a test?”

“Fine.”

She started to move away from the toilet but lunged forward again and continued to empty the contents of her stomach. “Can you go get one?” she asked him. 

“Go get what?”

“A pregnancy test. If I leave the bathroom, there is no guarantee I’ll be able to get back in time.”

Forty minutes later, Arthur marched into the kitchen gingerly holding the pregnancy test that Merlin had popped out to get at a local shop. “It’s negative,” she announced, setting it down on the kitchen counter. 

“Arthur, don’t put that there!”

“I’m showing you the test!”

“You urinated on it. Get it off the counter!”

Arthur rolled her eyes and swiped up the test before she tossed it into the rubbish bin. “I just thought you’d like to know that you have not successfully spawned another offspring,” she muttered. 

Despite the sense of security that came with the negative pregnancy test, the morning sickness continued for Arthur. “I think the test was wrong,” Arthur explained after spending an hour in the bathroom in the middle of the night a week after she too the first test. 

“You’re still not feeling well?”

Arthur sat and glared at Merlin. “No, I’m feeling fine, but you know, I really missed spending hours draped over a toilet, dry heaving to the point that it hurts to do anything. Of course I’m still not feeling well, you idiot.”

“Yeah… you know, I think the test was wrong too. No need to bite my head off.”

“Someone should,” Arthur muttered before flopping back against the pillows. “Spare us from all this nonsense.”

“You know, it’s moments like this that make me remember just how much I love you,” Merlin quipped. 

In hindsight, Merlin should have anticipated the pillow smashing into his face. 

 

 

 


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a bit of domestic fluff.

A week passed, and while Arthur wasn't as sick as she had been, she still wasn't completely better. Merlin had brought home some herbs to help with her headaches and went looking for her upstairs, where he heard noises that could be attributed to bath time. “Arthur?”

“In here!” 

He stepped into the bathroom and found Arthur washing Harry’s hair. “Daddy! I have cool hair!” Harry exclaimed, pointing to the faux mohawk Arthur had crafted with the shampoo. 

“Very cool,” Merlin agreed before he turned his attention to Arthur. “Have you been doing laundry differently?”

“When was the last time you saw me do laundry?” she laughed.

“Fair point.”

“Why?”

“It would appear that my trousers have been stained.”

“Yes. It’s all of pies you’ve been eating lately. Honestly, I don’t know what about those pies are appetizing to you…”

“I haven’t been eating too many pies lately.”

“Really? I found you in the kitchen munching on them last night. Maybe you got a stain on them from that.”

“Okay, I’ll give you that. But that shouldn’t be enough to cause my trousers to be this stained.”

“I didn’t stain your trousers. It’s your fault.”

“I have not!”

“Really?”

“I know how to use the laundry machine!” Merlin exclaimed.

Arthur sighed and shrugged. “I don’t know what to tell you, Merlin. I’m sure I didn’t do anything to stain your trousers, but I would suggest that you lay off the pies and see what happens.”

“Fine,” he grumbled and stepped out of the bathroom. 

An hour or so later, Merlin found Arthur in their room. “What’s going on in here?” Merlin asked with interest upon stepping into their room and finding several dozen bras strewn about the floor. 

“You’re getting back at me for the trousers, aren’t you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, don’t be sly about it. You’ve shrunk my bras because you think I stained your trousers.”

“I have not shrunk your bras. Speaking of which, why are they on the floor?”

“They don’t fit. Even the bras I wore when I was breastfeeding Harry don’t fit.”

“But those bras were enormous,” Merlin remarked without thinking.

“Prat,” she replied.

“Sorry.”

He bent down and started collecting the many bras in Arthur’s collection. He hadn’t even seen some of these bras before. “What’s going on with this one?” Merlin asked as he picked up a bra that seemed to have its cups missing. “Is this a nursing bra?” 

Horrified, Arthur snatched the bra away from his hand. “Uh… no. Don’t worry about it.”

“Have you cut away the cups?”

“No, Merlin. It came that way.”

“Why? That seems a bit counterproductive. But, if none of your bras fit, maybe you should try that one out.”

“Oh, and shall I wear the tassels too?”

“Tassels?”

Arthur sighed and held the bra over her shirt, showing off the fit. “It’s not meant for everyday wear.”

He caught her drift and nodded curtly, his lips stretched thin. “Okay then. We are going to pretend that never happened.”

“Good plan,” she agreed. 

Merlin set the bras down on the bed and kneeled down next to her. “Really? Nothing fits? How many bras do you have, anyway?”

“Not enough, it would seem.”

“There has to be at least twenty bras here.”

“And none of them fit.”

“But you haven’t gained any weight. If anything, your bras should all be too big, right?”

“That’s my thought.”

He hummed thoughtfully and then reached over and pressed a hand against one of her breasts. She slapped his hand away. “What are you doing?”

“Did that hurt?”

“Yes, it did.”

“How are you not pregnant?” he exclaimed, standing up. “You’re moody, tired, have the worst nausea I’ve heard of, and your breasts are sore and larger than expected. How many tests have you taken?”

“Ten. I took one this morning, and it still says no. The doctor says I’m not pregnant.”

“That’s bollocks.”

“I dunno, Merlin. With our luck, maybe you’re the one who’s pregnant, and I’m just stuck with all the fun side…” The color drained from her face and she stood up. “Oh my god.”

“Arthur, I’m afraid I’m not following.”

“Bloody hell; if you’re pregnant…”

“I’d know if I were pregnant.”

“Really, and how many times have you been pregnant?”

“Admittedly, never…”

“So how do you know the signs?”

“Patients. And books, and training, of course.”

“Have you been experiencing back pain?”

“No.”

“Oh, that’s right; that’s me.”

“Arthur, you can’t be serious.”

“Well, nothing else makes sense. Go take a test.”

“What?”

“Go take a pregnancy test.”

“I’m not going to take a pregnancy test. Obviously, something isn’t adding up and we need to investigate a little more.”

Merlin really hoped that Arthur was kidding and that she didn't actually believe he was, or even could be, pregnant. Suffice it to say, he did not take a pregnancy test.


	26. Chapter 26

In the following weeks, Merlin became more and more convinced that Arthur was pregnant. Most, if not all, of the signs were there: she was exhausted, she was hungry, she had aversions to strange things, and she was constantly sore and was complaining that her clothes were getting a bit snug. 

Finally, Arthur caved and actually went to go see a doctor who was neither Gaius nor Merlin. Lo and behold, she was pregnant. Merlin, as pleased as he was about all things pertinent to his family, was ecstatic, but Arthur was not nearly as enthused as her partner. While he hadn’t been present for the earlier stages of Arthur’s pregnancy with Harry, he suspected that she wasn’t a pleasant person to be around. Arthur had moods. Merlin was well aware of the moodiness from back in the days of Camelot. Arthur would get into a mood and would stay there until some sort of miracle occurred and the man that Merlin knew would return. It should have been a small comfort to know that Arthur hadn’t lost that endearing quality. 

Worst of all, she was nice to everyone else. Gaius wasn’t convinced that Merlin was getting the bad end of the stick, and of course, Harry was still the light of her life. Customers cooed over her growing belly and they all received her excited smiles and silly giggles. Merlin received her glares and dismissive sniffs. 

He reached his limit one morning, when she was nearly five months gone, as Arthur was taking forever in the shower. “Arthur, I have to use the toilet. Will you please hurry up?” he called out. 

There was no response. But, because he was the sort of person who would use magic to unlock a locked door, he let himself into the bathroom. “What the hell are you doing?” Arthur shouted over the sound of the water.

Feeling the urge to bother Arthur, Merlin threw open the shower curtain and she screeched. She turned around and grabbed the showerhead from the wall and pointed it at him. He yelped and reached around to turn off the shower without magic, but she tracked him with the water and eventually, he was completely drenched. “What are you doing?” he spluttered once he had managed to turn off the water. “I’d expect that from Harry, but you?”

“You deserve it,” she snapped.

“No, I really don’t.”

“That’s what you get for unlocking the door and barging in uninvited. This is the only time I get to myself.”

“I had to use the toilet. I still have to use the toilet.”

“Oh god… are we really at that point in our relationship where we relieve ourselves in front of the other?”

“What?” 

“Use the downstairs bathroom. This one is taken. And don’t think I won’t spray you with the shower again.”

He rolled his eyes and carefully headed toward the door. Before he could take more than one step, she had her hand around his arm and was pulling him closer to her. And then, of course, she was all over him, completely naked, wet, and shampoo running down her body. Merlin had never had shower sex, and if this was anything like it, it was not pleasant. “What are you doing?” he squeaked once he pushed away from her. “You really have gone mental, haven’t you?”

“We haven’t had sex in AGES,” she shouted. “Do you know how perpetually wound up I am?”

“We haven’t had sex in ages because you’ve turned into a raging lunatic. You’re always shouting at me. Do you honestly believe that I want to have sex with you, let alone be in the same room as you?”

Her wet hands ran down his arms and slipped off of him. “Well then.”

“Oh no… not this. What, Arthur? What is it that I could have possibly done now?” Merlin whined.

“Get out.”

“Seriously? You’re going to jump me and then you’re going to dismiss me that easily?”

“You’re clearly not interested.”

Merlin groaned as she threatened to spray him with the showerhead again and he ran out. He loved her. He really loved her, but she was very difficult to be around. Thankfully, Gaius was still as pleasant as ever. “Gaius, she’s lost her mind,” Merlin whispered as he sat down at the table with his breakfast. “She sprayed me with the showerhead, yelled at me, then came at me rearing to go, and finally banished me. I don’t think I can take it anymore.”

“Perhaps it’s the magic? Don’t rule out the possibility of the baby having magic.”

“But the mood swings? Arthur’s notorious for being moody, but this isn’t Arthur. It’s like an alien has come along and snatched her body for evildoing.”

Gaius eyed him solemnly. “Do you think someone has done that?”

“I’m kidding, Gaius. Unless you think that there’s a chance of that happening.”

Harry toddled over to Merlin and grinned up at him. “Hi Daddy!”

Merlin reached down and lifted Harry up onto his lap. “Want some toast?”

Harry helped himself to the toast on Merlin’s plate and began to chomp on it happily. Thank god for Harry. He and Gaius were the only two people who were keeping Merlin sane. Merlin leaned down and kissed the top of Harry’s head and sighed into his son's light brown hair. “This needs to end, and soon.”

“A few more months, and it will all be done.”

“I don’t think we will make it a few more months. She can’t stand me, I can’t stand her, and pretty soon, that’s going to have a negative impact on things.”

“Merlin, we both know that you and Arthur couldn’t bear to be apart.”

“We need a break, I think.”

“Why don’t you two take a holiday? Without this one, of course.”

“Nah,” Merlin replied. “That would go poorly.”

“Nice evening out?” Gaius suggested.

“Gaius, I’m starting to think that you don’t understand what I’m telling you; she and I cannot be in the same room for more than five minutes without her getting mad at me about something.”

“Have you talked to her about it?”

Merlin glanced down at Harry. “She mentioned something this morning… something that is not appropriate for some ears…”

Gaius’ eyes widened and he nodded knowingly. “A night out would be good then.”

“If I had a death wish, perhaps.”

“No, I’ve heard about these things. I think they’re called Baby-Moons or something.”

“Baby-Moons?”

“A trip that expectant parents take before their child is born. You and Arthur haven’t had any time to yourselves in years. Ever since I came ‘round, I think and most certainly not since Harry was born.”

While working at the shop a few hours later, Arthur kept busy by restocking the upper shelves while Merlin managed the lower shelves. He mulled over the events of the morning and decided that something had to be done about their current situation. “Arthur?” he asked suddenly. 

“Yes?”

“What do you know about Baby-Moons?”

She read the label on a drawer and slid it into its respective spot. “Um… I’ve heard that they were really trendy a few years ago. I’ve never actually heard of anyone going on one. Why?”

“Gaius suggested that we take a holiday.”

Still, she did not look at him. “A holiday?”

“A night out, without Harry or Gaius.”

“Where would we go?” 

“I dunno. I’m not really an expert on places further than an hour outside of town.”

“Have you ever been to London?”

“Nope.”

“Hmm… no. That’s too far. An overnighter?”

“If you want. Just something to get away from all the madness.”

“Bristol is too close.”

“Cornwall?”

“Too touristy.”

“Cardiff?”

She finally looked at him. “Hmm.”

“So Cardiff?”

“It’s not too far away; just across the water.”

“And it’s large enough of a city that we could figure out something to do.”

“And there’s a body of water in which I can stash your body,” she added, winking at him. An involuntary shiver went down his spine from seeing the mischievous glint in her eye. 

After dinner, Merlin took up shop in their kitchen, perusing through websites that gave suggestions for things to do in Cardiff. “Arthur? How do you feel about seeing a show?”

“What kind of show?” she called from the laundry room.

She was being far too agreeable. The nice streak would end soon. “Uh… I dunno. Orchestra performance?”

“Maybe. I don’t think we should make it too complicated though. I think I’d just want to get dinner and maybe stay the night. Low-key, you know?” Arthur stepped out of the laundry room and held up socks. “Yours or Gaius’?”

Merlin peered at the socks. “Mine.” 

She gave a curt nod and stepped back into the laundry room. He ran a Google search for restaurants and clicked into a few links that looked promising. “How fancy of a restaurant?”

“You choose.”

“Arthur, you’re probably not going to like what I choose.”

“Okay, well, something I can dress up for. I dunno. It doesn’t have to be absolutely spectacular. Just something that we can’t find around here.”

Since Merlin had found almost nearly everything there was to be found “here”, it was going to be pretty damn difficult finding something new to amuse and distract them from their current domestic, couple-y, relationship woes. 

 

 

 


	27. Chapter 27

They ended up not going to Cardiff. While they both agreed that going away would be a nice change of pace, they both knew it would just be a lot easier to stay home. But since they still wanted to do something to shake themselves out of the funk they had gotten into, Gaius suggested that they go out for a meal alone, while he looked after Harry. It wasn’t a horrible idea. 

Even though he knew quite a bit about the place he lived, Merlin knew very little about restaurants or dining out. He had spent the majority of his life keeping to himself and his own home, so eating out was a relatively new experience for him. 

“Zip me up, please?” Arthur asked, backing up towards Merlin and holding her hair away from the zipper track.

He brushed the errant strands of hair away from her back and pulled the zipper up the rest of the way. “It’s been a while since I’ve done that,” he remarked.

“I know; it was rather embarrassing not knowing how to dress myself. Thankfully, I learned in the second life,” she laughed. 

Dinner was to be expected. Arthur ate everything on her plate and some off of Merlin’s, though she feigned ignorance when he accused her of swiping part of his Yorkshire pudding, and ate so much that they were both waddling as they left the restaurant. They returned to a quiet house, feeling less stuffed than before and a little more energetic. 

Since Harry had gone to sleep long before and Gaius had retreated back to his little cottage as soon as Merlin and Arthur returned home, it seemed like it was a good time to slow things down. Arthur headed to the bathroom to get ready for bed and Merlin undressed in their bedroom. As soon as he had his jacket and tie hung up and had tossed his dirty dress shirt into the laundry hamper next to the dresser, he sensed that he was being watched. Slowly, he turned around and saw that Arthur was watching him. “Um… hi…” he said awkwardly. 

“Can I make a request?” she asked him.

“A request?”

“Yes. I would like to request that you walk around without a shirt on from now on.”

“Why?”

“Is clarification necessary?”

He let his shoulders drop and he rolled his eyes. “On a scale of one to ‘I’m gonna die if you don’t come and elicit horribly indecent noises from me’, where would you rank yourself?” he asked, deciding that this was really the point of no return. 

Arthur winked. “Again, is clarification necessary?”

She was impossible sometimes. (Always.)

“Fine. Give me a sec.”

“For what?”

“I’d like to undress without you preying on me like a cat that’s spotted a mouse.”

“Oh, but that’s no fun!”

“I am a gentleman.”

She snorted. “When was the last time you were a gentleman?”

“I held the door open for you at dinner.”

“You hit me in the face with the door at dinner.”

“But I held it open for you so you could walk in and make sure that you weren’t bleeding,” he reminded her.

She waved at him dismissively. “It’s not fair that you’re walking away from me. I suppose I’ll have to take comfort in the fact that your bum looks marvelous…”

He clapped his hands over his backside and shuffled into the bathroom, which invariably sent her into a fit of giggles. 

Moments later, Merlin realized just how wound up Arthur was in her current state. Things had been much mellower, a lot quieter, when she was pregnant with Harry. Now, however, all bets were off and it actually worried Merlin a bit. Even more worrisome was how Arthur looked like she was ready to eat him whole—and not in a good way. She leaned up into him and nipped his earlobe. “If you get me pregnant from this…” she breathed into his ear.

Merlin believed this to be the perfect time to state the obvious. “Ha… you’re already pregnant.”

“Knowing you, you’d be able to get me up the duff again.”

“Technically speaking, I don’t think that’s how it works.”

Arthur sat back onto his thighs. “Merlin, your dirty talk is terrible. Honestly. For someone who has had this long to work through things, your skills are severely lacking.”

“Sorry?”

She waved him off impatiently. “Can you do that thing you were doing earlier?”

“What thing?”

“I don’t know… it was that thing you were doing with your hands.”

“Arthur…”

“The thing you were doing with your hands and tongue…?”

“Oh, that. Yeah. I’m on it.”

“Great. And from now on, I’ll talk. You can moan and cry or whatever.”

“And I’m the one who needs to work on my dirty ta—”

Her hand was firmly planted over his mouth and she was at work on his neck, certainly trying to give him spots that would last for days after this. If they weren’t careful, they’d have to explain to Harry that Merlin had a strange disease that caused bright red bruises around his neck, and on occasion, different spots on his body. 

Since becoming parents, moments like this were a rarity. Nights like this were even more scare, but mornings like the one that followed their night out were some of the most treasured moments that Merlin could recall. It was early, but they were usually both up pretty early given Harry’s early-bird tendencies. “Morning, Rip van Winkle,” Merlin hummed as Arthur blinked her eyes in response the bright light. 

She yawned and waved at him since her voice was a bit incapacitated by the yawn. “I thought I expressed my demands regarding you and shirts.”

“Yeah, I chose to forgo implementing those demands.”

“Rude.”

“Sorry.”

“No you’re not.”

“You’re right; I’m not,” he replied. “But, I made you breakfast.”

“Oh, you brilliant man,” Arthur groaned as she sat up and adjusted the pillows around her. 

Merlin winked and set the tray down on the bed beside Arthur. “I aim to please,” he explained with a jaunty little wave of his hand, thus procuring a red rose out of thin air. 

Arthur just rolled her eyes and chomped down on the bacon from her plate.


	28. Chapter 28

Since turning three, Harry had proven to be somewhat helpful. He usually wanted to help Merlin with the A-frame sign, and after Merlin had written out the specials for the day, Harry often insisted that he should draw a picture for the customers. More often than not, Harry ended up drawing pictures of a dog and a flower. 

Because they brought him in on a daily basis, Harry went down for a nap in the back room, allowing Merlin and Arthur some time to focus solely on work and not on what Harry was getting into now. They both loved having him there, but they were both well aware of the distraction he posed. It was lucky that he was so damn personable. 

Sometime around Arthur’s seventh month of pregnancy, a pair of older women came into the shop, bringing some excitement into an otherwise lazy afternoon. Based on the parcels they both had, it was clear that they were not from the area. “Hi there,” Arthur chirped from behind the counter. “Just a moment, please.”

The women smiled at her and Arthur was struck with the feeling that she knew them. Quickly, she finished putting drawers back and stepped down from the stepladder she was using. “Sorry about that,” she said. “How can I help you ladies today?”

“Oh, we’re just visiting today, and thought that this shop was just so charming. I guess you really know your market,” one woman explained. 

The other woman smiled at Arthur knowingly. “You’re coming along, I can see,” she remarked, gesturing at Arthur’s belly. 

She followed the direction in which the woman was pointing and nodded. “Yup, not too long now. A few more weeks.”

“Oh, how exciting! Is this your first?”

Harry answered that question by skipping out from the back room and colliding with Arthur’s thigh. He made a noise that made it seem like he knocked the wind out of him, but he was fine. “I drew a picture,” he announced. Harry’s daily naptime was apparently over. 

“Oh, you did?” the first woman asked kindly.

“Yup. Hi. My name is Harry.”

“Hi Harry, my name is Ellen, and this is my sister Angeline,” the woman named Ellen informed him.

“You two are sisters?” Harry asked, stepping up onto the stepladder next to Arthur so he could see over the counter. 

“Yes we are,” Angeline replied. “Are you excited about your baby brother or baby sister?”

Harry nodded, though Arthur noted that his enthusiasm was lacking in some regard. “We have to wait until the baby is ready to come out. It’s taking forever!” 

His exasperation made the women laugh, and because he was every bit Arthur’s son, he beamed at the positive attention. “Mama, when is the baby going to come?”

Bits of his hair stuck up wildly, and Arthur was self-conscious in front of these women so she smoothed it down to the best of her ability. “In a few weeks.”

“Ugh… why is it taking so long?”

“These things take time.”

“But I’m tired of waiting!”

“You and me both, kiddo,” Arthur muttered.

Merlin walked back into the shop, carrying a few flattened boxes that would be used for fulfilling online orders. “Oh, hello there!” he chirped when he saw the customers.

They all exchanged pleasantries and Merlin answered the questions the women had. Fifteen minutes later, the women left the shop, each with an additional parcel under their arm. Arthur watched the women leave the shop with a wistful look on her face. Merlin, noticing this, sidled up next to her. “Penny for them?”

Arthur blinked and turned to look at him. She smiled and leaned her head against his shoulder. “Merlin, those two women out there are my daughters.”

“Sorry?”

“From my past life, I mean. Angeline and Ellen. They’re twins. They have a younger brother named Will.”

He paused and leaned over so he could see out into the shop. “Really? What are the chances of that happening?”

“I’m not sure. It’s never happened before. I’ve never come across children from a past life. And it’s really weird seeing my kids in one place.”

“They’re old enough to be your mother.”

“They’re older than my mother.”

“And yet, you were their mother.”

“Father.”

“Oh. Father? Really?”

“I met their mother during World War Two?”

“Oh, right. I knew that. Sorry.”

“It’s fine. I often find that I can’t keep them straight myself. It’s bizarre to think that I had three children in the last go-around. Will, Angeline, and Ellen.”

“And Angeline and Ellen just happened to come here, huh?”

“Though I couldn't be too forward with getting info out of them, I did learn that Ellen’s husband passed away, which is why they’re here. They’re spreading his ashes tomorrow, when the whole family gets together. I’m quite disheartened to hear that Adam had passed. I rather liked Adam. A bit of an ass, but once he figured his life out, he wasn’t too bad. Much better than the four sods that Angeline thought were acceptable and the harpy that Will married.”

Merlin let out a shocked laugh. “God… you’re not hard to please, are you?” he chuckled. 

“We’re talking about my children here. Of course I’m hard to please. Just as I’ll be hard to please when Harry and this one bring home significant others. I’ll probably be even worse once they bring someone home because I’ve had enough experience to know how these things usually pan out.”

He chuckled and idly traced his fingers across her skin. “It must be weird, having children from two lives together in one room.”

“It’s not any weirder than being with my manservant from over a millennia ago.”

“Well, sure, that’s weird… but I think the kid thing is weirder.”

“If you say so, honey. If you say so…” Arthur murmured as she patted his hand. 

Rolling his eyes, Merlin leaned in to kiss Arthur’s forehead. 

 


	29. Chapter 29

Merlin sat on the hill above the flat plain below the house. Arthur and Harry were playing with foam swords. She was teaching him how to fence, but was starting slow. Knowing Harry and the clumsiness he had gotten from him, Merlin suspected that Harry was going to be using foam swords for a long time. But, he was doing really well, and based on the excited shrieks and giggles that echoed across the flat field, he enjoyed it. 

Gaius dragged an outdoor chair over to where Merlin was sitting and joined him. “Lovely evening, no?”

“Summer is coming,” Merlin replied. 

They watched as mother and son sparred. “You know, I always wished that Arthur had been the one to train Amhar. I tried to picture Leon as Arthur when Amhar was learning, but it never worked. And right now, I can almost see Amhar out there, being trained by Arthur.”

The older man patted his former apprentice’s shoulder. “There is no doubt that Arthur would have made a fine father. Amhar would have been blessed to have his father’s guidance. But we cannot dwell on these matters forever, as I suspect you have.”

Merlin sighed and nodded without peeling his eyes away from the field. “If Harry’s hair was a bit lighter, I probably wouldn’t be able to tell the difference from here.”

“And if she were bit taller, blonde, not carrying a newborn in a sling across her chest, and not a woman…” Gaius joked.

A faint smile crossed Merlin’s face. “Can you believe how much has changed?”

“In what sense?”

“I dunno… all of it, I suppose. I mean, almost five years ago, I was ready to throw in the towel and run myself in with a sword. I jumped off a cliff, committed to the idea that death was the best route for me. And in those last few years, I think I’ve gotten more out of my life than I have in the rest of it.”

“That makes sense; I can see how the tension of waiting would be drawing on you.”

“And I never thought I’d have sons or daughters. I have one of each.”

Gaius grinned. “And that’s quite an achievement.”

Harry broke out in a mad sprint up the hill, making no indication that he was going to slow down as he quickly approached Merlin. He rammed into Merlin, sending his father backward while shrieking and giggling. “I won! I won the match against Mama!” 

“Wow, good job!” Merlin replied, sitting up and setting Harry onto the ground next to him. 

Harry flopped onto his back and made a few sound effects that no one could really make sense of. He clamored onto Arthur when she sat down next to Merlin on the ground. “Careful,” she warned, cradling the baby to protect her from her older brother's flailing limbs. 

He sat on Arthur’s lap, facing her. His skinny arms were awkwardly wrapped around her torso and he rested his head against her shoulder so he could peer over the edge of the sling to look at his new sister. Noticing that Merlin was looking at them, Harry grinned and clutched at Arthur’s shirt. “Mama, will we practice tomorrow?” he asked her. 

“We’ll see if we have time. We have to be at the shop tomorrow.”

“Oh. Can I help?”

Arthur smoothed his shirt down on his back, brushing off the leaves and grass cuttings that had gotten on his shirt when he had flopped onto the ground. “How would you help?” 

“Daddy lets me count things.”

“Do you remember how the numbers go?” Gaius asked.

Harry nodded, the side of his face rubbing against Arthur. “One, two, free…”

“Three,” Merlin corrected gently. 

“Three,” Harry echoed. “Four, five, six, seven, nine, ten, thirteen.”

“Almost. You’re getting there,” Gaius assured the boy. “You’ll know your numbers in no time.”

"Daddy, when will Elsie be able to play with us at the shop?" Harry asked his father.

All three adults chuckled and Harry frowned. Harry was not a fan of inside jokes and this was no exception. Merlin, knowing that Harry was not pleased, swooped in to explain what was so funny. "Elsie is too little to play at the shop, just like you were too little not too long ago. She'll need you to help her learn what to do, but until she knows what to do, she's not going to be able to play like you do."

"But she has magic like I do, so shouldn't she be able to play?"

Merlin glanced over at Arthur, who was trying to keep a straight face. Elsie, their sweet little 3-week old daughter, had shown that she had magic very early on in her young life. In fact, she almost blew their cover by turning the midwife's hair blue shortly after she was born. Unlike her older brother, her magic was consistent and focused. They had quickly learned that Elsie was very fond of butterflies. In fact, she used butterflies to communicate with her parents. They rapidly realized that blue or pastel-colored butterflies meant that she was content, but red or other strongly-colored butterflies meant that trouble was on the horizon. Gaius would never forget the day he was attacked with a pack of magical, crimson butterflies that swarmed his cottage because Elsie had a bit of gas. 

After going so long without pure, innocent magic, Merlin was finding it a little difficult and completely bewildering living with two other people who possessed the same magic he did and two people who were capable of interpreting and internalizing magic without possessing magic itself. Merlin had noticed that his own magic was becoming stronger, revitalized by the love and the happiness he felt in his own life. Now that he had taken control of his life and had turned himself away from the darkness that he had been steadily moving towards before Arthur came back into his life, the burden of immortality felt weightless. He had begun to notice lines on his face and a few gray hairs (not that he would point out to Arthur anytime soon), meaning that maybe the sentence of immortality had finally been served. Although it was a morbid thought, Merlin welcomed the prospect of death to his world. He had much to live for and had lived so much that perhaps he could share a few stories with Death before it was his time. 

He would tell Death about his time in Camelot, of how his prat of a prince turned king completely revolutionized how he viewed the world. Death would be privy to hundreds of years of apothecary and medical knowledge and discoveries. Even Death would wonder why on earth Merlin would station himself on the shores of Avalon for so long when there was so much to explore in the meantime. Death would laugh with Merlin, perhaps even at Merlin, when Merlin retold the stories that had previously been lost in the dread and sadness of his past, and cry with Merlin when the heavy reality of those lonely years came forth in the stories. There would be so much to tell Death, so much to tell the universe of his time on Earth, that Merlin believed that he never would know where to start. 

All Merlin knew was that no matter what story he told, no matter how long or short, how happy or sad, how exciting or dull, it would certainly be about Arthur. Though Arthur hated the thought that Merlin's entire life revolved around there being some incarnation of an Arthur Pendragon, Merlin knew that the only reason he existed was for Arthur. Arthur had pushed him to be more independent and self-sufficient, and of course, much of that coercing and nagging had had a positive effect, but deep down, Merlin knew that there would never come a day when Arthur was not the sole reason for his being. Arthur had brought so much light into a very dark world, bringing along things that Merlin had never asked for nor had ever dreamt of having. It was preposterous to think that there was any way that Merlin could ever completely forget something so important. 

He had seen hundreds of years. No one had ever seen as many years as he did, but there he was, still standing in the same body he had had all those years ago. And as the sun finally set on a blissful, lazy late-spring day, Merlin looked over at his family-- his trusted mentor listening to his ambitious, enthusiastic son, and his tiny, sleeping daughter being watched over by her diligent and gentle mother-- and he knew that things had come full circle and he truly had become the person he was destined to be. 

Finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for sticking with me and this story for so long. I'm relieved that I finally found the time to go back and finish this story. I hope you all enjoyed the story and thank you so much for your comments, kudos, and bookmarks. I really appreciate your feedback and your support.
> 
> Best,  
> soulofair


End file.
